The Ghost [Marvel | Steve Rogers]

Chapter 41

Dresden, Germany

Spring 2016

Understandably, given how emotionally draining what they had talked through had been, Barnes had volunteered—through the simple action of disappearing downstairs with little more than a single loaded glance to Steve—to take over watch after Steve had informed them that their time at the Nadine's safehouse was coming to a close. She really couldn't blame him. Nadine was craving time alone herself and she didn't have nearly the excuse that Barnes did. It wasn't surprising in the least that he would feel overwhelmed with everything that had been said, still recovering from HYDRA's programming as he was.

And that hadn't even been all of what she'd needed to say. Guilt churned in Nadine's stomach, but she pushed it away.

As much as she might have liked nothing more than to tell Barnes about Nina, to get everything out in the open, as she'd watched him disappear down below, it had struck her that it was perhaps for the best that she hadn't.

Nearly overwhelmed as he'd been just confronting their shared history? What had happened between them? Her chest clenched at how potentially damaging it would have been to him to suddenly drop that he had a daughter into the mix on top of everything else. She couldn't bear to think how distraught it would've made him, just knowing what little she did of the man. How noble and decent he was. How compassionate. It was no surprise, really that he and Steve had been so close given how similar they were in those key ways.

How could Barnes have even hoped to properly process that he was a father before what they faced if she had revealed Nina's existence to him? After how affected Steve had been after he'd found out about Nina and her connection to his friend? She could only imagine how much more it would affect Barnes given that Nina was his child, not just his friend's.

She couldn't quite fight the instinct that it would hurt him to learn that he'd had a child all this time. That he'd been robbed of yet one more thing, a precious thing, because of what had been done to him. In his shoes? Nadine knew she'd be devastated had Nina been kept from her...stolen from her, even.

She couldn't fathom the depths of her own heartache had Nina been kept from her, so how could she hope to comprehend what he might feel?

The fact that it had been to protect Nina—and to some extent, Barnes as well, she supposed—was beside the point.

Her stomach churned at the thought. No, he needed his head for what was to come. She'd already overwhelmed him enough with her own lack of self-control. So Nadine couldn't justify the risk of distressing any further just now, no matter how strongly she felt he deserved to know. And while she was cautiously optimistic that he could've handled it given how he'd recovered himself before Steve reappeared just moments before, the revelation of Nina's existence would've still left him reeling.

If not worse.

It was a risk none of them could afford.

Especially Barnes.

So as much as her gut physically ached with how much she hated keeping Nina from him, that there was a chance the revelation could fracture or even undo the progress he'd made in rebuilding his mind was a reality she couldn't afford to dismiss. Much as she wanted to tell him about his—their daughter, she valued his life more than his feelings.

She needed him to live for Nina's sake. And Steve's. Even for hers, she could admit.

And for his own sake. It was the least he deserved.

She had already been resigned to the likelihood that he would hate her for her actions in the Red Room, after all. She could live with whatever consequences came from her holding Nina's existence a secret a little longer so long as it meant he lived.