Poems of A Bored Teen

Tell Me You Need Me Even If I Don't Need You

  

Perhaps all of this is overrated.
The drama
The tears
The hurt in my heart-
The ring in my ears-
The burning hatred of my own mind
My own soul
My own self
My own being.

Im so lost.
So inexplicably lost-

Who am I?

And who are you?
Were you?

My heart answers easily,
Quickly,
Undeniably-

You were the one I liked so much I risked my own world for ours. For a world born of secrecy, regret, pain, and desperation.

Liked you so much that I gladly went through hell and back just to find that when reality hits you- it hits you so hard you topple back over.

And over. 

                And over. 

                                        And over.

Until you simply get full
Get tired.
And you slump down.
Finally-
Heaving
Crying
Sobbing out tears of loneliness and guilt.
Looking for resolve
Looking for  s o m e t h i n g-
A n y t h i n g, really,
That would explain why something so wrong felt so right you watched your own world crumble around you.
So much happiness in exchange of tears.

Was it worth it?

But the wind answers with whispers unknown to me.

Answers that my heart denies but my mind acknowledges
Answers I've always known despite everything but my body and mind and soul seems to be enchanted against following;
Shutting down the moment you hold me close.
Tell me you need me.
Tell me you want me.
Run your fingers through my hair.
Whisper sweet nothings that inevitably turned into something as it reached my ears.
My goddamn stupid ears.
Fuck it what the hell is fear?
What is regret?
What does it all mean?
Does it matter?
When you're here being everything I ever wanted?
When you're all I ever wanted?

So kiss me- hard
Take me.
Make me yours.
There is only us right now
Forget the world.
Forget everything.
Let me show you comfort
Show you more than skin
More than soul
Only us matters tonight.
And maybe I could make you mine.
Maybe you already are.
Maybe you always were.

But the doubt...

The retaliation of sin...

It comes-
Like a nuclear bomb on a bright sunny day
And suddenly our little world was in shambles
Exposed
Ridiculed
Judged.

Too much heat
It burns scorch marks
Onto the surface of my being

Too much ice
The distance freezing me
You're barely holding back from taking me and making me yours truly yet you feel like a universe away
But I stay.
I dared to stay
I dared to be with you
Stolen moments
Stolen time.
Secretly
Illicitly
We came together
Our moans
Our pleasure
Our bodies
Like clay pots
Two broken pieces holding onto each other.
But still broken.
Still unfixable

And now I realize who you were to me.
Who you are to me.

You are a reckoning of passion wrongfully made in bliss
You are the slight smile in a situation amiss
A flame dancing towards a temptous moth.
Something wrong
Something right
Something that will always be filled with memories of pain and delight
Something true
Something false
Always one step away my door.
Always there.
Perhaps waiting.
Perhaps leaving.

You are something I could've had. But opportunity's door had slammed in my face when I thought I wasn't yet too late. Reminding me.
That its too late.
So I shall tell you-
Our time had passed already.
We cant go on like this...

In the end I realize that I only wanted you-
I don't need you.
Not the problems you give me.
Not the headaches of this controversy
Not the burden of our secrecy
No.
Not you.
Not us.

So,

-thank you.
And goodbye.