suicide hotline / phan

15

*I AM SO SORRY FOR THE BIG BREAK, SOME VERY INTENSE CHANGES WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH HAVE TOOK PLACE. It seems to be for the better, but it's a slow process I guess. Anyway, I'm sorry if content is shitty haha. I'm just trying to figure out a steady style.. Anyway, I'll get on with it)*

*Phil's POV*

I run out of the car towards him, my heart racing. He's shakily hunched over on a bench and his jacket is hanging over his shoulders loosely as if he doesn't even have enough strength to pull it up. I haven't even seen his face and I already knew that there's something wrong; it's not normal even for him to look that damaged.

"Dan!" I shout, and his eyes dart towards me in some sort of panic. "Where were you? What happened?"

As I get nearer to him, I realise something. Black and blue bruises plague his whole body, his skin is torn in some places and his eyes are puffy and red. It's bad.

"shit" is the only word that escapes my mouth as I finally come to a stop beside him.

He slowly brings his eyes up to meet mine, and my heart shatters and how broken he looks.

"hey" he croaks, his voice sounding hoarse as if he hadn't spoken in years. "I-i'm sorry I didn't come back on time"

I don't know exactly what to do. So, instead of doing something practical like asking if he's okay, I throw my arms around him and sob into his jacket.

*Dan's POV*

I see him running towards me and honestly wish he would just turn the other way. My heart aches for him, to hear his voice and hold him close, but I know I don't deserve the luxury of that. I'm a mess that he shouldn't have to deal with, I'm a waste of space, I CAN NOT let myself destroy him along with myself. But for some reason, instead of running away, I just sit here, and let him blow up his own world as he decides to walk over. 

I see the look in his eyes.

I see the pain.

The confusion.

And somehow, all I can do is stare. My heart would have shattered if it wasn't already broken, he looks so hurt. My vision blurs as a tear leaks from my eyes, but I don't even feel sad. I don't feel anything. I can't. 

That's until he bursts into tears and pulls me towards him, sobbing into my shoulder and gripping onto me as if I actually meant something.

*Phil's POV*

I don't hear him say anything or make a sound, but I can feel his tears soaking my shirt. He's hurt, he's hurt so fucking bad, and whatever happened, I wasn't there to save him.  And that just makes me cry even more, gripping onto his shoulder and hoping he never disappears. 

"Shh" I hear him mumble, and I force myself to pull away slightly to look at his beaten face. There's blood staining every inch of skin that he's showing, and it terrifies me. 

"Dan" I choke, trying control my breathing. "What happened?"

He pulls me back towards him, slowly tracing circles on my back.

"It doesn't matter" He says, calmly. "It's okay"

"It's not" I mumble, and force myself back again. "Look at you! You're bleeding! Holy shit Dan, I can't- I- I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you go"

I still don't know what happened to him, but even if I did, it wouldn't matter. This whole thing would still be my fault, I let him leave. If he had just stayed at home with me, everything would've been okay. But no. I just had to go and mess things up. I just had to let him leave.

"Phil" He breathes weakly, still shaking like crazy. "It's not your fault"

It is my fault.

"What happened?" I ask, still not releasing my grip around his waist. 

I'm aware that people are probably watching and wondering why a boy is straddling another boy on a park bench in floods of tears, they're probably even disgusted, but I honestly couldn't give less of a shit right now. 

"It doesn't matter Phil, it's not for you to worry about" He says, running a hand through my hair as if that could somehow calm me down. But not going to lie, it actually helped.

"Dan you're my boyfriend, and you're- I- you're" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Looking like I've just fallen off of a cliff, I know" He smiles weakly, but his eyes don't lie. "It's okay... I just ran into, um, the wrong people"

I automatically fill with anger, and that's definitely unusual for me. I'm rarely ever angry at anyone, but right now, I just want to fucking murder whoever did this to him. How on Earth- and why- could anyone do this much damage to a person?!

"I'm gonna fucking kill them" I say, clambering off of the bench. "Who was it?"

He stays silent.

"Who was it, Dan?!" I snap. 

He stands up and staggers over to me, wincing slightly but pretending that he was okay. He put his arms on my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

"Phil, calm down" He says. "I don't know who it was, okay? They just saw me on the street and tried to take my money... then beat me up. It's not important"

I still see it as important, but I know that I can't go crazy. Not now, at least. I have to get him home, God, I have to get him to hospital. His face looks bruised enough, I can't even begin to imagine how beaten he is everywhere else. 

"Okay" I breathe, trying to act somewhat calm. "We need to take you home"

He nods, and I sling his arm around my shoulder as we hobble towards the car.

*Dan's POV*

"What happened?" He says, his lips trembling.

I can't tell him the truth, I know that. It would only worry him more. He can see how physically damaged I am, but I can still hide the mental damage. Maybe that might make it better. 

"It doesn't matter Phil, it's nothing for you to worry about" I say, running my hand through his hair and just appreciating the fact that he's here. 

"Dan you're my boyfriend, and you're- I- you're" He begins.

"Looking like I've just fallen off of  cliff, I know" I fake a smile hoping that it'll lighten up the situation a bit, but of course it doesn't fill the cracks in my mind. "It's okay I just, um... ran into the wrong people"

That's a good enough excuse for now. I tried to calm him down as his anger gradually increased, and I think I managed it. He can't know the truth, no. 

"Okay" He finally says, after finally calming him down somewhat. "Let's take you home"

I have never been more glad to hear those words.