Irondad Oneshots

Suicidal - Part Two

Tony's POV

Pepper makes me do the laundry whenever we get back from missions. She doesn't want to have to deal with taking the bloodstains out of all the clothing, so I have to do it instead. But it's not as though it's too hard. Just everyone's suit and that's it.

But I figure I should be a good parental figure and I head into Peter's room to grab his laundry bin.

My heart stops and my jaw falls, my whole body internally shattering.

Red.

The bathroom door is wide open, tiles painted red.

The rope hanging from the ceiling fan...

Oh my god.

No.

"Tony. Hey, wait." It's Natasha.

I can't make myself breathe. The colors of the world smudging together.

"Tony. C'mon breathe. It's okay. He's okay," she says, hands touching my arm.

My knees are shaking and my ears are ringing, drowning out whatever words she continues saying.

My kid.

I left my kid and this is what he does.

I'll never leave again.

I'll drop Iron Man.

I'll do anything to make him better.

"-Okay. I talked him down and he's okay now. Sleeping on the couch," Natasha is saying.

"Talked him down? You knew and you didn't tell me? He's my kid, Nat," I exclaim, spinning on her. I'm such a failure. I failed him.

"Tony, come on, man. It was his decision whether or not I was allowed to tell anyone. He said very specifically that he didn't want you to know. Didn't want us to tell you," she rambles.

"Us?" I seethe.

"Steve walked in last night. Helped me take care of the kid. He's okay though. He swore that he would talk to us if he ever felt like that again," she explains, looking down before catching my eyes again.

"Steve knew before I knew?" I ask, wishing I could fall apart.

"Sit down, Tony. Take a breath. You need to calm down."

Her words make my ears ring, and I know I have to listen to her advice lest I have a panic attack or something.

I fall onto his bed, wishing the walls were a happier color and the room felt more than just a prison of loneliness.

"I can't believe... my own kid is suicidal? How? How could I let this happen?" I ask, putting my head in my hands.

"It's not your fault, Tony. His aunt recently died. He's lost a lot and it sort of makes sense that he's at least a little depressed."

"I just... I failed him, Nat. I said that I'd take care of him and that he'd be alright in time. And yet... if we had decided to stay the night... he..." I can't seem to suck another breath into my lungs and the tears are welling up.

"You didn't fail him. He was scared, Tony. He was so scared to die. He didn't want to do it, he just felt like it was the only way to stop himself from drowning in all these emotions. But he was scared. I don't think he'd be capable of trying again. I don't think he will. He's just broken, Tony. And he needs you to pick up the pieces like he did for you. You haven't failed him, you just need to be there for him now. We all know that if he had told you, none of this wouldve happened," she says, patting my shoulder gently.