a beautiful accident (a dan howell/phil lester story)

two - if you only knew

After almost a year of silence, Dan finally sees Phil break the news to his fans. It happened after a spiral of tweets asking about Dan finally got to Phil, and he cracked. Phil had typed out a letter, and posted it to his social media. 

"Hi guys,

I know a lot of you have been asking where Dan has been, and I'm finally ready to explain. 

Dan left me a year ago without a warning. I went to go film a video, and he was packed up and gone by the time I got back that same night. Dan left me a note, and it explained he wasn't leaving me for another man, and that he still loved me.

I believe that he wasn't cheating on me, but I truly don't believe he loved me when he left me. If he loved me, he would've stayed and explained to me the reason he wanted to leave. If he truly wanted to leave me, and explained, I would have let him go. Because Dan's happiness was my happiness. And I would've died for that boy.

Dan and I were together for almost 10 years, and I was planning to marry him before he left. He didn't know that, but I'm sure he'll be reading this, and he will find out now. I had the ring picked out and ready to go. I was going to marry you Dan. Was that why you left? You got tired of waiting for marriage? 

I'll never know why he truly left, because I haven't heard from him in a year. And although I want to know why, I don't think I could ever bear seeing him again. No matter how much I want him back. 

Please, if you do see him in person or on social media, if he chooses to come back, please do not send him any hate or mistreatment. He is still the love of my life, and I wish him no harm. I can't forgive him for leaving, but I won't let him be bullied. 

Thanks guys. 

Phil." 

Dan is in tears by the end of the letter, his choked sobs echoing through his house. He can hear Rosalie crying in her room, but he can't move. He's stuck on his kitchen floor, his face dug into his hands as he lets out his screams. 

"I don't think I could ever bear to see him again." 

"I can't forgive him." 

Phil truly hates Dan. He just knows it. 

He can never tell him about Rosalie now. 

~ 

Phil doesn't hate Dan. 

Phil still loves him with every fiber of his being, and he wants nothing but to see Dan again. But he knows how much heartache it will bring, and how unlikely that is to ever happen again. Dan is gone, long gone, and there's nothing he can do about it. 

Except contact Teresa. 

With a sniffle, he takes out his phone, and dials her number, hoping she hadn't changed hers too. He listens to the dial tone, waiting, hoping, she'll pick up. 

"Phil?" Her voice says cooly through the phone

"Hi Teresa." Phil chokes on his words

"How are you, Phil?" She asks him, her voice soothing.

"I'm not okay. I need to see Dan. I miss him." He cries, the dam of tears in his eyes breaking. 

Teresa sighs heavily, "He doesn't want you to see him. He believes you hate him after you posted that letter," She scolds

"No, I could never. I just need to know why. Was it me?" He sobs

"No Phil, it was far from you. This was something bigger than the both of you." Teresa gulps, "Dan's going to hate me for this."