a beautiful accident (a dan howell/phil lester story)

ten - a thousand years

 *five months later; age 8 months* 

These past few months have been very eventful for Dan and Phil. Christmas and New Years came faster than expected, and Rosalie had only been getting bigger and socialized. Louise was at the house at least once a week, helping the boys whenever they needed a break. PJ, Sophie, and Chris visited as much as possible, and Felix and Marzia had came to visit and meet Rosalie, and Dan finally felt at peace. 

But Dan was sad. His little baby wasn't such a small baby anymore. Rosalie was able to roll over onto her stomach from her back, and she was able to hold up her bottles, as Dan stopped breastfeeding when she was 6 months. She was playing with her toys more often, and babbling like there was no tomorrow. 

Dan felt useless at times. She didn't need him as often. Sure, he had to change her diapers and bathe her, but she was able to do more than before. And she was growing too fast, and Dan loathed the day when she wouldn't need him anymore. That day would be the hardest, because he'd have to prepare to let her go on her own someday. 

"Dan, why are you crying?" Phil asks sleepily from beside the brunette

Dan didn't even realize he was crying, and wiped under his eyes to feel the wetness, "I didn't even know I was," Dan responds

He feels Phil push against his back, wrapping his arms around him. Dan looks back at Phil, who's looking at him with confused eyes, "What's wrong? What were you thinking about?" 

"Rosalie doesn't need me anymore," Dan says quietly, and now he feels the tears well in his eyes 

"Yes she does, why do you think that?" Phil sits up now, alerted by Dan's sadness

"I barely do anything for her anymore. And one day she'll realize she doesn't need her dad anymore, and she'll leave. I'm so scared of losing her," Dan whimpers

"Dan, you're overthinking. She does need you, she'll always need you. Just because you don't have to do everything for her anymore, doesn't mean she doesn't need you. Who's gonna be there to catch her when she falls from taking her first steps? You will be. Who's gonna be the one to walk her to her first day of school? You. Who's gonna be the one to console her whenever she gets hurt, and has her first heartbreak? You will. You'll be there for her in other ways than you'd imagine. She will always need you," Phil explains thoughtfully, and Dan is so happy to have fallen for someone so loving. 

"I don't deserve you," Dan says 

"You do, and one day you'll realize that. Now come on, its 7:30, go back to sleep." Phil says, nuzzling into Dan's back, tightening his grip as he breathing becomes even. 

~~

After Dan's episode, Phil had been planning a surprise for Dan. After getting Dan's mum to agree to watch Rosalie for the weekend, Phil had been secretly talking to Dan's boss, who gave him the weekend off. Dan thought it was odd since he normally always worked weekends when he saw the schedule, but didn't question it. 

Phil booked the two a hotel that wasn't too far from the house, and made reservations at one of Dan's old favorite restaurants. It'd been a while since the two had gone, and he knew Dan would love it. Phil just didn't know how Dan would take being away from Rosalie for that long. Dan refused to let her out of his sight recently, and Phil knows it's because of how Dan's been feeling lately. 

It was Friday, and Dan's mum was due to come and pick Rosalie up before Dan finished his shift at 5pm. Phil had spent the day packing their suitcases, and packing Rosalie's belongings for her weekend with grandma. He was nervous, because he really didn't want Dan to be upset that he did all this behind his back. But truthfully, he knew Dan would've never gone through with it had Phil told him.