Beautiful Boy ➶ l.s

1- Now

Night winds, moaning around corners and whistling through cracks, dashed snow against the windows of the dorm. Inside, a fire crackled inside the stone fireplace. The only sound to be heard is the rustling winds and the ticking of the old clock.

Tick tock, goes the clock.

Tick tock, it'll never stop.

It freaking ticks and freaking tock's

It's making me insane and won't go away

When would the tick ticking stop?

Maybe if I killed myself?

Fucking tick, fucking tock

Maybe then my heart will stop..

I swallowed the gulp rising in my throat, trying to flutter my eyes close and my thoughts to swell away.

Waiting is a term that takes time, but I'm one that doesn't own that time. Because once I'm gone, no one would care. No one ever did. Although I have hopes that there's this guy whom won't forget my name as long as he's alive, and that spark of hope that tickled inside my stomach never faded away.

Because although I'll be gone, I'll always be here for him. I'll always be watching over you from up there, Louis.

My eyes snapped open, as I took the cigarette between my fingers and placed it between my lips, dragging a long puff before letting go. The smell of smoke and coffee never failed to relax me a bit.

Thoughts swelled through my mind, unanswered questions and doubts were found, but I was pushing them away for the sake of making the plan success. I massaged my forehead a bit, before getting on my feet and ready to leave.

I placed all 3 letters on my coffee table, marking them as unread as each one was blanketed in an envelope. My lips twitched a bit as my thumb traced the yellow picture-frame of my parents. I could see the genuine smile plastered on their lips as I couldn't contain mine.

"I'm sorry, this is for the best" I spoke lowly, haven't realized I was tearing up until tears fell onto my shirt. My thumb then traced another wooden photo-frame with my arms around a my most cherished treasures, that lovely smile never seemed to fail at making my heart pound out of my chest. They way he smiled alone made me go crazy; the way his eyes would squint close when he smiled widely. Or his adorable look when grins childishly.

"I'm really sorry, Lou. I would never mean to hurt you but I have to do this, just promise me you won't hate me for it, okay?" I sobbed lightly, tears rolled down my cheeks and fell in the frame between my hands, never wanting to loose my grip, as I slide the photo out of the frame, slowly placing the frame on the table as I flipped the photo, scribbling something on it which made me smile, stuffing the photo into my grey hoodie as I wiped the tears away. It's time. Time for the departure of a soul that never really fitted in a world so cruel like this one, a soul leaving too soon.

"Guys, don't worry because I'll be happier up there. I'll be in the peaceful place I've always wanted. It's just your turn to move on and forget my name" I smiled at the photos, obviously knowing they won't talk back, I sighed. Taking the bag full of equipment and threw it on my shoulders, walking out on the December snow that filled the streets and roof tops. Cold wind sprinted my way, making a shiver slide down my spine. I shook my head, not believing Christmas is a few weeks away. I spotted the public phone, dialling a familiar number as it rang.

"Hello?" Her soft voice warmed me up, making me wish that she'd be okay.

"Hey, mum. How are you?" I asked, guilt soothing my voice as I gulped mutely.

"Oh Harry! How wonderful of you to call! How have you been baby?" She asked; worry filled her voice as I sighed, I don't wanna hear a goodbye though.

"I'm fine mom..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Harry, baby, is something wrong?" She asked in a worried tone once again as I shook my head, panicking a bit.

"What? Of course not! I'm actually quite excited to see you and Louis and maybe even Robin soon!" I fake excitement as I heard her breath in relief.

"I though you.. You know... Again.." She trailed off and I felt a strike of pain go through my heart. Yeah, I'm depressed and I cut but that doesn't mean if isn't normal, I'm normal, right?...

"How can I be when the world's only feeding me up with its bullshit?" I mumbled under my breath quietly.

"Huh? I didn't hear anything.." She said and I sighed in relief, slightly relaxed that she haven't heard me. She'd think I'm crazy or something.

"Oh, I said that I wouldn't do such a thing. Don't you remember our promise? Don't you trust me?" I plea quietly and she sighs.

"I do, I do trust you, I'm sorry..." She apologized and there was silence that filled the air, the whistling wind was the only hearable thing as long as our steady breaths. Everything seemed to frozen; telling me to say my farewell.

"Mom, you know I love you right?.." I ask, concerned a bit as I don't want her to notice any weirdness or something.

"Yeah, I know.." I could hear the happiness in her voice and feel the smile on her lips, I sighed.

"Can you promise me that you'll love me no matter what?" My breath hitches at the end, shouldn't I hear Lou's voice for the last time?

"I promise, baby.. You're scaring me, are you sure there's nothing wrong?" She asked anxiously and I chuckled dryly.

"I'm sure. Hey, I have an early class tomorrow, I'll call you after, alright?" I ask her, not believing that this is it.

"Okay, I love you, Haz.." She trailed off sadly, my heart ached a bit but I declined any tears to fall out at the moment.

"Tell.. Tell Louis that I love him, will you?" I ask, and she chuckles.

"I will, honey. Now go to sleep" She demanded and I couldn't help but smile.

"I love you.." I spoke, but haven't noticed that the line have already went dead. I breathed out, my breath so shaky as my hands trembled a bit.

"Never forget me, okay?" I said sadly, looking at the sky above me as I walked on the campus. No one was around except for a couple drunken teens leaving a dorm party as I slipped out the gun, staring at it wide-eyed as I thought through it.

Is it worth it? Am I gonna be happy? Will somebody miss me? Should I give life a second chance? Am I this depressed? I didn't know the answer to any of the unfortunately..

I exhaled quietly, directing the gun to the side of my head, my thumb hesitating to pull the trigger.

"Hush little baby, don't you cry, pull the trigger and hope to die.." I said to myself, pushing the trigger lightly, and before I know it, screams were called out and bullets went off.

•••

this probably really suck I know but don't judge me! After all, this is my first Larry fanfic so take it easy on me, don't kill me just yet haha. School starts in a month and well, the only reason I hate it is because bullying. This story is kindly a part of bullying so just you know.

Until next time,

Dana x