Beautiful Boy ➶ l.s

12- Forgotten

{ Chapter dedicated to: @onioncries cause your comments make me laugh so hard ily xx }

*listen to Not About Angels by Birdy 'cause I honestly cried so much writing this oh god*

i suggest you have prepared the boxes of tissues and i solemnly understand if you wanted to kill me at the end oops hi.

-

Tick tock, goes the clock.

Tick tock, it'll never stop.

It fucking ticks and fucking tock's

It's making me insane and won't go away

When would the tick ticking stop?

Maybe if I killed myself?

Fucking tick, fucking tock

Maybe then my heart will stop..

-

"I feel lost and numb.. Things changed and I just went back to my desperate self once again.." I said, swallowing the lump rising in my throat as I looked up at Valerie, a small evident frown plastered on her lips as she watched me talk with sad eyes.

"Let me ask you something, yeah?" She raised her eyebrow, waiting for my response as I nodded slightly, making her smile lightly.

"Do you think, if Harry was alive, he'd want you to live your life this way?" She asked cautiously, afraid to step on the red line as to make me go crazy. I sighed, managing let the question sink in my mind as I gave her a quizzed look.

Would Harry want me to live life the way I'm living? Well, no. But he isn't here to tell, is he? He's the one that left! He was selfish enough to leave and not think twice at what will happen if he left me. He fucking took his life and for what? All he fucking left were flowers at his grave and endless tear-stained shirts. I don't care anymore, because he fucking left when he knew I needed him. And I don't care if--

"Lou? You there?" A voice snapped me out of my thoughts as I stared blankly at her, realizing all the anger I have to let let out.

"I don't care if he wants me to live this way or not, he fucking changed it. If anything, the blame is on him" I fumed furiously, bawling my fists as my teeth clenched.

"Lou, he didn't mean to--"

"He didn't mean to what? Kill himself? Hurt us all? Well guess what? I don't fucking care anymore! It hurts; miserably I've tried to forget, but I couldn't.." And by the end of couldn't, I was already sobbing in my hands squirming in my seat as I felt the tears slip onto my shirt making me shudder.

"Lou, please, I'm sorry for asking that.. Just..." She let out a deep sigh, as I felt her get of her chair, shuffling was heard as I glanced up, and through my blurred sight, I noticed she was looking for something. I quickly wiped away my tears, steadying my sight as I eyed the book settled in front of her suspiciously.

"You know, It took me a long journal to reach where I've reached..." She spoke, sighing sadly as I shot her a blank look.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked quietly, my gaze still glued to the book in front of her.

"Everyone has a story. The only different in yours is that almost everyone knows about while other's stories are kept in closet.." She spoke, and that's when I noticed the tears rolling down her cheek. I felt guilty; for screaming at her and thrashing and all. But as soon as she I heard her faint sad laugh, all the guilt washed away.