Beautiful Boy ➶ l.s

14- Lost it

{ chapter dedicated to: @therainbowninja87 because she makes me smile so wide x }

-

"So, where are we going?" I asked skeptically, scratching my forearm, the new casted scars littered all that way to my shoulders.

"Not a special place, really. Just ice-cream and a walk.." Liam spoke, tuning out as his gaze were on the road.

"And why couldn't you wait after school?" I asked again, the need of scratching at the scars built up inside me, making me want to pull up my sleeve but no one really knew.

"Why are you even complaining? You hate school" Zayn grunted, texting someone on his phone, I wonder who, I thought.

"I'm complaining because I'm already failing and you're not helping at making it any better" I mumble bitterly, tugging at my sleeves as I looked out the window, taking the sigh of green trees and the sound of fading chirping birds.

"Lou, first of, you're an A student. You've always been, always will. Secondly, it's just 2 weeks. You make it sound so awful, as if it's 2 months.." Niall grumbled, trying to not fall asleep as his eyes were closing and opening every two seconds.

"That's doesn't mean anything; graduation is in 2 weeks exactly and I still haven't prepared the speech!" I, now, began to panic. It's really terrifying me, the thought of stumbling over words or stuttering and sweating while saying the speech.

"Yeah, 2 weeks, as in 14 days to write a 2 paper speech. Really hard, genius" Niall rolled his eyes, still managing to keep them wide and open.

"Sometimes, Niall, I wonder how you passed high school.." I muttered under my breath, only to receive a bubbly laugh from Niall.

"Easy. I begged the history teacher that if fails me, I'll still be in his class next year" Niall spoke, holding a smug expression as me, Liam and Zayn burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, you didn't!" I shrieked out in laughter, trying to contain my breath as I laughed hard, clutching my stomach.

"What's so funny about that?" Niall frowned, confusion written all over his face.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.." Liam mused, stopping the car in front of the ice-cream shop.

"How's uni?" I asked suddenly, the thought of them skipping uni for me have crossed my mind.

Why would they do that because of someone as worthless as you? I bet it's only pity for you, fag.

"Good, Niall and I surprisingly share a dorm" Liam smiled brightly, stepping inside the store.

"And Zayn is 24/7 on his phone, texting who knows" Niall spoke amusingly, which led him to fall to the floor grunting as Zayn elbowed him, rolling his eyes after. These guys are... Something.

"Am not" Zayn spoke dully, ordering his usual 2 scoop of chocolate.

"Yes you are, it's basically glued to your hands!" Liam exclaimed, ordering for him and Niall.

"It isn't!" Zayn spoke, shoving his phone inside his side pocket before waving them in the air, heaving weird stares from people around us. I shook my head amusingly, ordering mine as we paid and walked out to the park next to it.

"Who are you texting anyways?" I ask, and his face suddenly paled, a faint blush crept his cheeks as he stared at the ground. Weird, it thought.

"No one.. Just some girl I know for a long time.." He answered, quickening his pace as he was walking ahead of us.

"And who may that girl be??" Asked Niall suspiciously, his interest shifted from his ice-cream in his hands to Zayn all of a sudden.

"No one" Zayn said hurriedly, eating his ice-cream as I watched their banged with amuse.

"Well, we'd like to meet no one one day" Liam spoke, bemused as Zayn glared at him, making me and Niall to only laugh.

And just then I've realized, it's been a while since I last laughed..

-

"Lou, good morning!" My mom chirped, as I suddenly stepped into the kitchen.

"Hi mom. What day is it today?" I asked, ruffling my hair a bit.

"Friday, I'm going to go visit a friend today, wanna tag along?" Mom asked cheerfully. Wow, she really was happy today.

"No, you can go, I'll want some time alone to think and stuff.." I spoke, pouring myself a cup of tea.

"You're taking your pills, right...?" My mom trailed off, fear laced in her voice.

"No mom, I'm fine. I've been taking them, I just want to be alone, don't worry.." I spoke softly, making her sigh in relief.

Being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder is hard.

"Okay then. There's brunch in the oven, pizza and spaghetti, and there's lemonade in the fridge. Call me if you need anything?" Mom spoke, putting on her coat and the umbrella in her hands, giving me a note that it's raining.

"I promise, is it raining?" I asked, taking a sip of my tea.

"Yeah, so I have moved some blankets to your room, have fun!" She smiled, before walking out of the house. And now I'm alone. Finally.

Harry, if only you're here..

-

5.9.14

Dear Harry,

This is the 3rd letter I've wrote you till now, and I'm planning to write you everyday. I've been good lately; just not happy without you.

Do you remember one time, you took me on this date but it was raining, and you said you've always wanted to have a kiss under the rain? It's raining today, and the memories of those times are clouding my mind.

I've been listening to Kiss Me By Ed Sheeran, remember? It was our song. You used to sing it as a lullaby to me everyday before we both go to sleep.

I've been craving you, Harry. I've been craving your touches, craving your kisses, craving your tingly touches and crave so much more.

I've been needing you, Harry. Needing you beside me, needing your comfort, needing your cuddles and needing your love.

I've been wishing you're okay up there, Harry. I wish you're smiling, I wish you're laughing, I wish you're living your after life and I wish you're happy. Even if it's without me.

Will we ever meet again? Even if it's up above? I don't really know, but what I know is that we share something called love. And that something is unbreakable, so please don't you frown. It's really unbearable, but the rain is the only sound. So please, be happy, for me and for all of us, I need to see your smile. One more time. Will we ever see each other again? I don't know. But please don't cry, I'll always be here and I'm never saying goodbye.

With love and lots of love,

Lou x.

***

this is the worst week of 9th grade so far. it's been so awkward too.

update days: thursday & friday.

guys, thanks again for all your support! you guys are the literal smile on my lips, honestly, i love you all. you make me happy, you do, and i rarely get happy, so thanks to you. 💕

my stomach hurts. im eating ice-cream and drinking milkshake. im wrapped in 3 blankets. my head is throbbing. it's so cold here 😩🔪

sorry for not updating all week, been busy with school and I'll be able to update twice a week now): im really sorry... chapters will remain sad; this is gonna be a long plot twist, honestly.

Until next time,

Dana x