limerence.

𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙏𝙏𝙔 𝘽𝙍𝙐𝙄𝙎𝙀𝙎

you are like sunshine to my eyes - intimidating and fascinating and blinding. dangerously intriguing. set apart from everyone and everything so immensely that it hurts to look directly at you. your gaze creates sunsets across my skin tone and they linger long after you are gone. you shine with such radiance that even the moon fades into the shadows to admire you. i am that moon.

it was two summers ago. and i saw you again for the first time in months and i fell in love with your smile. no, i didn't know you but i felt like i did. it's like when you hear a song and it becomes your favorite. never hearing it before but finding out that you love everything about it. i was taken by surprise; i was so young and so naïve. you were just a carefree boy, so caught up in the life you always had. i was someone who just wanted to be apart of it.

and it hurts because... i thought i saw some beauty in you. i thought i loved you and wow, to love someone does wonders for my heart and my happiness that even simple things cannot do. because suddenly those simple things were all about you... and everything was different, all because of you. but it hurts because i can no longer love you. you are no longer mine. and i do not know who you are anymore. i am homesick for a home i can never return to and all i want is to be strong. because i know i can, but though my mind is set on leaving you all my heart wants to do is hold on.

it hits me during car rides when i stare out the windows at the bustling world, wondering where you could possibly be. it hits me when i'm walking down busy streets, surrounded by colors and music and people and laughter and just wishing i had your hand to hold. it hits me at movie theaters when the credits are rolling and i catch a glimpse of a name like yours. it hits me at amusement parks with the sense of adventure and carefreeness and excitement but just wishing i could have you there to experience it with me.

it hits me at 8am, it hits me at 3pm, it hits me at 6pm, it hits me at 10pm, and every hour in between. it hits me at 12am, it hits me at 1am, it hits me at 2am, it hits me at 6am when i wake up and i can't go back to sleep. it hits me whenever my mind has a chance to think about you, every second, every minute, every hour, every day. it hits me when i walk pass crowds of people, my heart jumping at any sign of familiarity but then realizing none of them look quite the same as you. it hits me. and it hits me hard. that whenever i start to miss you uncontrollably, it's because losing you... makes me feel like i'm losing everything.