limerence.

𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙈𝙀𝙎𝙎 𝙄𝙎 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙀

I wrote you letter after letter after letter. I couldn't stop writing. And to be quiet honest I don't think I ever will. Letter after letter.

Finding all the right words for all those perfect feelings. Trying to describe on paper what I never could aloud. Letter after letter. Trying to one day show you through all the letters of the alphabet that you're everything that I've ever wanted, trying to show you that it can only ever be you.

I've been writing a book. Our story. Pieicing everything together, trying to figure out how to tell you, trying to wait for the perfect moment to read it to you. Letter after letter, poem after poem, memory after memory. I couldn't stop writing. Good, bad, dorky, romantic, you gave me so much to write about. Papers scattered, broken pencils, notebooks full of memories, eraser shavings all over my bed, trash can filled to the brim with words that don't quiet describe how in love I am with you.

Four years worth of emotions, writen in multiple colored pens and different thicknesses of pencil ink. Pages with dried tears, rips and crinkles. Pages with words deeper than the bottom of the ocean and more profound than the detail on the creases of a mountain. Legitimate hours flipping through the dictionary to try to find the perfect words. Everything that I could ever remember, everything I've ever felt for you, everything I've ever needed to say to you and never did.

Locked between pencil tip and crinkled pages of multiple notebooks and sealed packages of over 30 envelopes. Wondering if I could ever run out of things to write about. Having our last conversations run through my head over and over again, feeling your heartache from over 1000 miles away.

Pencil to paper once again. Letter after letter. Will you ever read these? Letter after letter. I can't stop. It gives me purpose. You give me purpose. Can't put the pencil down. To many things to write about, not enough time. Overwhelming ideas and emotions circiling faster and faster in my head, my hand is cramping, you're not here, where will you go, who is going to be there for you.

The prayers begin to start, the tears begin to fall, my heart hurts but it's what needs to be done. Realization. The prayer ends. A smile. A purpose. A God. Have faith. Be patient. Rely on him. He will be there for you. Even if I can't. As much as I'd want too. Realization. Our story, has only just begun. I've only just been writing the introduction.

Here is the climax, the main event, the unexpected plot. Where ever life takes us, away from eachother, back to eachother, far apart or somewhere down the same path, these hands will never stop writing. Every detail. Every emotion.

Maybe not so much as "Our Story" but "Our Story's". Am I really changing the title? "My everything", "Forever and Always", "Him". I can't decide. I wanted you too. Your little involvement before I published it, when we were old and sitting on the porch of our house. Letter. After. Letter. Stiched into a thousand different meanings, a thousand different feelings. Heartbreak after heartbreak, laugh after laugh, "I love you" after "I love you".

There can't be an ending. I won't let there be. "Loving From A Distance" ; The next chapter. Pencil hits paper. My heart aches, but words form. Stronger and more meaningful than ever before. I'm magnitized. You're everywhere. You always will be. Always. Forever and always.

That's it.

Forever and always.

I'm not going anywhere. I gave my heart to you, and I don't want it back, even if you try to stop me, it's yours. Forever and always. You're mine. Even if one day I may no longer be yours. Letter after letter. The notebook only gets bigger. I'm here. You need me. I'm here. Got that? I will always be here. You have me. For as long as you can convince yourself. You hear me? You decide.

You tell yourself what you need. And if you decide you need me. I am here, loving from a distance. Forever and always will never lose its meaning to me, don't let it lose meaning for you. The climax. To the next generations best selling novel. That's all this is. Realization.

A smile. One purpose. One God. Fight this world. Not because you want too, never because you want to. Because you have to. I saw the spark in your eyes long ago and you blatantly told me there wasn't one. I saw the fight in you, I see the fight in you. I believed in you from day one, when you had no power to believe in yourself.

I never lost belief, and you never lost that spark. It's inside you. Don't hide it. Don't pretend to be something you're not. Show the world what you're meant to be. Prove them wrong. Do it right. Dream untill it comes reality. You are the power behind your decisions. Choose life.

Choose the happiest life you could possibly live, and one day, someday, soon, I will see you on the other side.