Ambition || Harry Styles

*1*

ONE AND A HALF YEARS EARLIER

Do you know that horrible feeling of being inadequate?

The uneasy 'what-if's' that conjure up in your mind as you wonder if only you were a little bit cooler, a little bit smarter, a little bit prettier, maybe then things would be better?

It's a shitty feeling thinking there's nothing you can do that will be good enough. It's as if you are constantly swimming against the current but everyone else around you is floating on by with ease.

Well, that's how I feel on a daily basis; Miserable, and a little out of my depth in every way possible.

I don't need a therapist to point out that this is entirely self-shaming and from the outside, I couldn't come across more self-assured, successful and tenacious if I tried.

Nervously, I twirl the ends of my dark hair around my fingers, a habit I picked up at a young age and one my father always says makes me look insecure and weak. Remembering his harsh words, I stop immediately and pick up one of my business cards from the slimline holder on my desk instead, trying desperately to keep my mind off the meeting I have been working fifteen-hour days in order to prepare for.

Alexa Patterson - Development Manager  

Patterson & Sons

Before you ask: Yes, my father is Alan Patterson. No, I am not his son. Yes, it bothers me.

I work hard, really hard, every day in order to prove myself, in order for the office I sit in and the salary I earn to be justified, but at the end of the day, I know the person I'm trying to convince is myself.

The property industry is a tough one, and London is a competitive market. We need to be ahead of the game at all times, know the right people, connect with those who you can form solid, working relationships with.

Being a twenty-six-year-old female in a man's world, especially one as savvy and solidified as the property industry, is definitely a challenge.

Nights out to gentlemen's clubs or rowdy pubs, bonding over bullshit I will never understand nor have any tolerance for, where handshake agreements are made and friendships are formed, are not accessible to me thanks to my vagina and therefore I have to work extra hard at establishing myself as an equal.

It's sexist and it's unfair, but it's the truth.

I've had to grow up, fast, be gutsy and ruthless and a little brutal. All things that are not my natural character but they are necessary not to be eaten alive out there.

Building up walls is my speciality, and I don't mean just bricks and mortar. I have created a thick skin, an emotionless exterior and a don't-fuck-with-me reputation that I equally love and loathe.

Patterson & Sons. Not '& Co', not '& family'. Sons.

The shrill ringing of my desk phone startles me, pulling me out of my trance and kick-starting my adrenaline all over again.

"Hey," I answer casually, seeing the number is an internal call from my personal assistant, Katie.

"Reminder your board meeting's in five, Lex." 

"Like I could forget," I grumble.

"You'll be fine, your idea is fantastic and there's nothing to be worried about. Just be the confident person I know you are!" 

I chuckle at her never-ending enthusiasm.

She was completely unqualified when I hired her a year ago. Her blonde shiny hair was swinging behind her in a neat, but slightly juvenile, ponytail and tied up with a black grosgrain ribbon. Her face was sweet and fresh and her blue eyes wide and a little terrified.

I almost rolled my eyes that the recruiter would waste my time with someone who couldn't possibly assist me with my ridiculous schedule and workload, but Katie took me by surprise the second she spoke. 

She was the polar opposite to the other nine or ten people I had interviewed before her who droned on like robots reciting preprogrammed jargon, spending the good part of an hour boasting about how efficient and proficient they can make me.

They would spit out acronyms that meant absolutely nothing in order to sound experienced and although I wasn't trying to hire a friend, my soul darkened minute by minute, thinking that I would have to spend the majority of my day with one of these bores.

I was already dull and heartless enough.

Katie wasn't like that. She was young, maybe nineteen at the time, but she was full of this raw positivity that had me captivated. Her outlook on life couldn't have been more different from my own and I knew I needed her around immediately. If she did absolutely nothing for me other than spread some of that around all day I would be happy. 

I hired her on the spot.

I was pleasantly surprised when she proved to be an excellent PA, organised and dedicated, learning quickly but still not losing that little bit of sparkle I wish I had. 

 Wish I still had.

I take in a deep breath and gather my presentation, it's been prepared and waiting in a neat pile for the past hour but I check everything is there again anyway to make absolutely sure I'm not forgetting anything.

Here goes nothing. 

A/N:

She's a tough one.

What do we think of Lexi so far?

Love your comments and don't forget to hit that star

Love Ruby

x