Ambition || Harry Styles

*48*

Katie came over almost as soon as I watched Harry pack up his things, while my heart broke clean in two and he begrudgingly dragged his feet out the door.

He tried to make me sit down, tried to wait until Katie got here in case my heart gave me issues again, begging me to let him explain properly but I couldn't give him any more of me. I needed him to leave.

The shock of the news was bad enough without having the reminder of his betrayal staring me in the face, looking back at me from the eyes of someone I thought I loved, someone who I had hoped felt the same in return.

He told me through thick tears as he left that he never meant to hurt me and that when I'm ready, he will be there to answer every question I have.

I need time to think, to understand how I feel about everything that has just happened. 

Do I need a lawyer just in case Harry is wrong about me being safe? Will I need to testify against my family in court? How long with they be in jail or will it be a fine, or house arrest? Will 'Patterson & Sons' shut down? Am I out of a job? Is my name tainted now that it's been in the media and I'll have to move countries and build cottages in Latvia because no one else will hire me ever again?

The second Katie stormed through the door, I saw her reassuring face and for the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to wish my mother was here.  She wouldn't have let this happen.  She would know what to do.

Katie picked me up off the floor where I sat huddled by the entrance after Harry left, tears running hot down my cheeks and unable to stop, grief crashing down onto me for the father I never really had and the mother I wish I had back.

She muttered the positivity I desperately needed to hear into my ear as she hugged me tightly. Her sweet, caring nature and eternal optimism as close to my mum's as I have found in another person.

I wondered if she saw Harry out the front of the building, getting into his car or sitting on the front steps?  Knowing Katie, she would have given him a piece of her mind, loyal to the end but even if she did see him, she didn't tell me.

The evening drags on, Katie and I have been sitting on my balcony for hours, talking into the night about every concern I have, no matter how extravagant or extreme. 

She was still at the office when the charges were laid, she told me my father didn't exactly look surprised, as if he knew the day would eventually come.

I guess that's what happens when you have been dodging the justice system for such a long time? You live knowing it could rear it's ugly head at any moment, ready to pounce when you least expect it and at the end of the day, you deserve what's coming.

At first, Katie cursed The Banana to hell and back for being shady, telling me that any good relationship is built on foundations of trust and she hates him for ripping the one good thing in my life away from me... again.

I hate how torn I feel inside, my stomach twisting and turning with contradiction as love and hate swirls around and confuses my judgement.

She returns from the kitchen and hands me a glass of wine, sitting back down beside me on the table outside like she has all night, refusing to give me the cigarette I suddenly crave.

"Maybe hear him out, Lex," Katie continues, switching sides. "I get he has been hiding this massive piece of information and he like, literally just got your whole family arrested," she pauses to grimace in jest and I groan at the reality, smiling slightly at her brutal delivery. "But I saw you together. I hate him right now, but I also refuse to believe everything you guys had was part of the act. You need to hear the truth. Hell, I need to hear the truth!"

My heart slams into my chest at the thought. The thought of him in my bed, the thought of him standing up for me in front of Adam, the thought of the late nights watching movies, the kiss in the elevator and the way he pulled me out of my darkest time and literally, cleaned me up, set me straight, smothered me in love and affection and the adoration he made me believe I deserved. 

I knew he was hiding something, he told me that much, but now that I know what it was, how can we go back?

"Even if it was real Katie, how can I forgive him for this?" I question out loud as I run the tip of my finger around the rim of my glass and look up to see her frowning.

"Honey, I hate to say it, and please don't be upset with me for it, but your dad and brothers made some terrible decisions.  None of those decisions are yours or Harry's fault. I love you, but they aren't good people and they've always treated you appallingly. I get Harry assisted police, but if it's as bad as the reporters are making it out to be, then it would have only been a matter of time before they were caught, with or without Harry's help.  I'm sorry this is happening to you, Lex, you don't deserve this."

She pulls me into her as I start to sob again. I know I never got on well with my family but there is still part of me that feels sick about them being punished. 

I feel guilty, maybe if I knew more about the business I could have stopped them?

"I don't understand why Harry didn't tell me. I could have kept the secret, at least then it wouldn't have festered into this gigantic lie," I sniffle.

I take a large swig of my wine and think about the time that has past since he got back from New York, if that's even where he was.  The kisses, the support, he practically moved into my apartment for Christ's sake. Was it all a lie to get to my father? To get a job done? Was I a job to get done?

"Do you love him?" Katie asks abruptly.

"How can I, Katie? I don't even know who he is." I twirl the ends of my hair but Katie doesn't budge.

"Do you love him, Lexi?"

I close my eyes an pull my knees up to my chest, resting my forehead on them as I take in a deep breath and be honest with myself.

"Yes, I do," I mumble. "He makes me happy," I confess as her arms wrap back around me.

"Then you need to talk to him. Hear the truth, then decide what to do. Tomorrow," she makes her mind up. "You are as strong as I've always told you, you are. Especially seeing you this past year and what you have had to deal with at work. You deserve love, Lexi, and you need to find out the truth."