Never Be (A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fan-Fiction)

Chapter 4

Riley's POV

It's been four days.

Four days since I've seen my parents. They probably didn't even realize I was gone, except for when they needed drugs or alcohol. They wouldn't care if I was dead either way. If they would ever find out I was dead they would probably dance on my grave and throw confetti everywhere.

It was now three am. You know those night, when your brain just won't shut up? Yeah, I'm having one of those nights. Well technically every night of mine is like that, but today is different. Today I'm in the house of the people who claim to care about me. What is caring anyway? Making sure someone doesn't get killed? Taking care of them because you feel the need, no matter if you actually give a shit about them? Making someone feel special, then just stomping all over them in the end?

I silent huffed in defeat, knowing that I wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon tonight. Me being me, I quietly got out of the bed and headed for the exit. I know what you're thinking. Yes I'm supposed to be on bed rest, yes I'm sneaking out, yes I don't give a shit. As I reached the door that separated me and the outside world I realized something - if I leave, these guys will just find me again. They know I have nowhere else to go but my parents' house. But I have to know if they're okay. I have to know if they're alive.

Suddenly I heard noise coming from the other end of the room. Once I realized that thy had heard me, I hid behind the couch and my eyes followed them into the living room. It was Luke. He sat down near the kitchen table and but his head in his hands.

"God, what are you doing to me?" he mumbled to himself, but still audible. He removed the hands from his face and pulled out his phone. This gave me a chance to take in his features - messy hair that still looked amazing, blue eyes as shiny as ever and I even noticed a little beard forming. As I was lost in my thoughts I didn't notice him move to the couch and turn the television on, making sure it wasn't too loud to wake someone up.

If only he knew.

I realized there was some late night depressing movie playing - dedicated to people just like me. They think it helps knowing that people out there are suffering just as much as you are, that there are others out there. But it doesn't. I don't want anyone to experience as much pain as I have. I want people to be happy. Me? I probably never will be. There was once a time, when I enjoyed living life. Back before she died. I remember the smiles, the laughter, everything. But then it was all ripped away from us. My older sister, pronounced dead on June 5th. Also known as my birthday. This why I'm afraid of being happy - something always goes wrong.

I groaned, trying to shut my brain off from all the negative thoughts.

"Riley?"

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

"Oh umm... I just umm... uhh..." I stuttered before jolting towards the door, opening it and sprinting towards my parents' house.

"Riley! Wait!" I could hear him behind me.

About fifteen seconds later he caught up to me. Damn those legs of his. I was pulled into his chest as I violently shook from the adrenaline rush. He rubbed little shapes on my back with his finger, a simple but calming gesture.

"Let me go." I silently pleaded.

"No, if you go back there they will surely kill you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that if I wouldn't have let you go, you would still be alive."

"Please."

"I'm not letting you go. Neither will Michael, Calum or Ashton." He told me.

"You don't care, you're just trying to make me feel better about myself."

"I'll leave. One day when you least expect it. And you'll move on. That's what humans do, they survive whatever is thrown at them and they move on." I said, almost like a promise.

"You're not just talking about leaving the house now, are you?"

"Nope."

After a while he led me back into the house, kind of against my will. I say kind of because I was decided into two halves - one that wanted to stay, and one that wanted to go. I was still fighting between them. These people are genuinely the nicest people I have ever met, but I can't trust them.

"Riley, did you hear me?" Luke asked, concern filling his deep voice.

"Oh umm... I wasn't listening... sorry." I awkwardly apologized.

"It's okay." He reassured me. "Why are you awake at this time of night?"

"I could ask you the same thing." I teased.

"Touché" He replied and made a thinking face."No, but seriously."

I let out a deep breath before responding. "My brain wouldn't shut the hell up."

"What about?" he questioned.

"Things." I hesitantly answered.

"What kind of things?" God, this boy was nosy.

"Personal things, Luke. Stuff you don't want to know about."

"Hey, I want you to know that you can talk to us about anything. That's part of the reason why you're here. We want to help." He responded whilst looking into my eyes.

No matter how much I hated eye

contact, I couldn't look away. His blue eyes had me paralyzed.

"So how come you're up?" I finally spoke after a minute or two of silence.

"Same reason. Thinking." He replied.

"About what?" I asked.

"You."