Never Be (A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fan-Fiction)

Chapter 8

Riley's POV

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Purely for the reason because I have never told anyone anything about my past.

"I can't." I told Ashton and Luke that were still standing in front of me waiting patiently fly for me to say something. "At least not right now. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Luke said to me whilst Ashton nodded.

"You don't trust us?" Luke asked after a few minutes filled with an awkward silence. He sounded hurt and of course I couldn't blame him.

"This is all your fault. See? They hate you now and there's nothing you can do about it. Just stand there like a pathetic little bi-"

"Stop!" I yelled, covering my ears.

"Riley?" Luke and Ashton asked simultaneously.

"You freak. Just go kill yourself everyone will be happier then."

"Leave me alone." I mumbled, trying desperately to get the voice to leave. I started to rub both my temples in an attempt to stop the pounding in my head.

"What's wrong? Riley?" Luke asked and grabbed the sides of my arms, trying to keep me steady.

"Don't touch me, please." I whispered to him and tried to take his arms off of me, but suddenly I felt weak.

"You're a freak you know that right? It seems like everyone knows it but you."

"Please." I pleaded.

"I'm never going away, not until you die anyway you pathetic whore."

"Go away!" I screamed, causing Luke and Ashton to jump back in shock, my body falling to the floor because I couldn't find the strength to stand.

"Riley!" Both of them ran over to me and crouched down, Ashton - who was in a crouching position, pulled me into his lap and stroked my hair whilst Luke put both his hands on the side of my face and looked into my eyes.

"Oh you know he's just casually looking at how ugly you are. Just like everyone else."

"Leave me alone!" I screeched to the voice inside my head. Ashton and Luke seemed unaffected.

"Riley, what's wrong?" Luke asked.

"Everything."

"Make it stop, please, just make it stop." I pleaded.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

"Make what stop?" Luke asked gently.

"The voices." I said before I could stop myself. What if they thought I was crazy now? What if they hated me?

"You really want me to stop? You know what to do to make me stop, you've done it before. Don't you remember?"

"I won't do it." I told the voice that was getting louder and louder as the seconds went by.

"Do what?" Luke asked, Ashton still stroking my hair.

"Do it." My subconscious commanded.

"Go away." I whispered to nobody in particular.

"Riley?"

"Do it."

"Fine." Finally, I gave in. A rush of energy ran through my body and I shot up, heading for the kitchen.

"Riley!" I ignored them, there was nothing they could do to stop me right now. They chose to barge into my life, they have a right to know what it's like to be me.

"Stop!" Ashton pleaded. He knew what I was about to do, he remembers.

"Once more, maybe then I'll go away." So I did it again, and again. But the voice didn't leave, it just continued to mock me internally.

What did I do to deserve this? What could I have possibly done so wrong in my past lives to make this happen?

I was at school right now, in the girls bathroom to be precise. It was second period right now and I just couldn't take it. I needed an escape.

"Riley?" Ashton yelled, but it was too late now. "Riley where are you?"

Minutes later he barged through the door and noticed my weak figure in the corner. He sprinted over to me and hugged me tight. His eyes locked with mine and he rubbed his thumb over my cheek.

"Are you okay?" That was the last thing he said before he noticed my bleeding wrists.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. After that I grabbed a knife and placed it next to my wrist.

"No!" Ashton yelled. Suddenly the knife was knocked out of my hand and onto the floor. My body was pulled into someone's chest and I recognised the cologne to be Calum's.

"Let me go!" I yelled whilst pounding on my his chest, but not doing a very good job at it because my previous state has dug it's way back in and once again I felt incredibly weak.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." Calum whispered to me.

"It's alright, Cal." I reassured him.

"I'll be back."