What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Complete)

Chapter 6 - Part 2

Lacey

I bit my lip as I sat watching TV with Adonis' arm around me. My head rested against his shoulder. The turmoil inside of me was muted and for the first time in a while I wasn't experiencing that hollowness inside.

I wanted to stay in that moment but time didn't stand still.

The next day reinforced the fact Adonis was taking charge of my mess of a life. Even knowing he was doing it because he cared didn't stop me from rebelling. By admitting I needed help was admitting I wasn't strong enough that it was difficult.

The specialist spent most of my appointment lecturing me on the dangers of mixing my medication with alcohol. Adonis had gone with. The ride back to his house had been quiet. As soon as we got inside I went straight to my room.

My appointment with the shrink wasn't for another couple of hours and I needed space. Closing the door and keeping to myself for a while helped me with the simmering anger at being forced to face something I didn't feel I was ready to.

Sitting on the bed with my head in my hands I couldn't help feeling that my body had let me down. My mind couldn't remember what it should and not being able to remember those moments left me in limbo, unable to move on. No matter how hard I'd tried I was left with the disappointment that it wasn't going to happen.

My thoughts drifted to how my life would have been if I hadn't forgotten. My eyes drifted around the room I was in. If my memories hadn't been lost I probably would have been deliriously happy with Adonis. I closed my eyes for a moment as an overwhelming emotion of loss filled me. Letting out a heavy sigh I opened them again pushing the negative feeling away.

He was still here. I was still here. He cared about me and I still loved him. Why couldn't we go back to us?

Yesterday when I had been so close to him, even though it had eased that feeling of loss it had still made me a little awkward. It was like seeing an ex-boyfriend. That hadn't been the case. Nothing had gone wrong between us to sour our feelings. What had happened hadn't been within our control. There was no talking the problem to a solution.

With the heavy thoughts the walls began to close in on me and I needed space. I stood up and left my room not sure where I was going. I began to wonder around Adonis' house taking in his taste for modern furniture and decor.

A slight noise made me stop just outside another bedroom door a few doors down from mine. The door was ajar and I let my eyes drift inside.

The sight of Adonis sitting on the side of his bed with head in his hands. His back to me. I felt like I was intruding but I couldn't stop myself.

From the time I had woken up from surgery it had all been about me, giving little thought to the people around me who had been affected by what had happened to me. Watching him silently gave me the briefest glimpse into the guy who been deeply affected by my situation.

He looked sad and defeated. He lifted his head and let out a heavy sigh. I wanted to be able to do something to lift the burden on him but I didn't know how. Remembering wasn't an option, I had already tried. Even the surgeon had told me that the likelyhood was I would never and seeking therapy to find a way to deal with it was my best option.

Therapy took time I didn't want to waste.

Adonis stilled. His head turned slowly and he looked over his shoulder to where I stood watching him. My feet felt like lead and I couldn't budge. Something strong kept me fixed in my place.

His eyes found mine and my heart skipped a beat. There was a deep sadness in his eyes that made me take a small step forward. I wanted to comfort him, to put my arms around him and hold him close to push his sadness away. I stopped myself, feeling anxious and unsure of my actions.

He stilled, his eyes still holding mine. My breath caught in my lungs as I felt the full effect of his arctic blue eyes on me. His expression was reserved while we stared at each other.

I wanted to be brave enough to walk to him but my fears and insecurities kept me still. I was looking for a sign from him to push through my hesitation. But I never got it from him. After a few more moments he tore his eyes from mine and looked back out of the window in front of him.

I felt a tear at my heart so small that it wouldn't leave permanent damage but it was enough for me take one step back and then another. Rejection filled me. Back inside my room I sat down on the bed struggling to breath.

It wasn't like I was ready to pick up from where we'd left off but I hadn't expected him to shut me out like that. It only reinforced my insecurity that my inability to push through this would effect my relationships with the people who loved and cared for me.

Adonis cared about me and seeing the visible signs of strain had been hard to take in. I had been so selfish to think that I was the only one who was struggling through this. He had been too. Was it becoming too much? Would it just be easier for him to walk away?

That thought made my heart ache and I took a deep breath to pull myself through the drowning sensation that squeezed my lungs. He had been dealing with this for months while I had been oblivious to his pain. I felt like the most selfish person ever.

He had done so much for me. He had rearranged his life to make sure he could oversee I got the help I needed. But were his feelings for me strong enough to survive this. What if it became too much would he let me go and move on with someone else? That thought made me feeling a horrible despair. I wanted him but I just didn't know how to be with him.

Putting a hand to my head I tried to still the chaotic thoughts flitting through my mind, one by one. Overwhelming.

I didn't see him again until it was time to go to the shrink. He tried putting on a smile when he opened the door of the car for me but I could see the tension in his eyes. I kept myself preoccupied with my nervousness at having to talk to a total stranger about my innermost thoughts.

The shrink wasn't what I had been expecting. Instead of an old man with glasses I was introduced to a young woman, Dr. Charles, who gave me a friendly smile as she ushered me alone into her office. Adonis remained in the waiting room.

The next hour with my initial fears eased I began to open up to her, giving her background information and relaying the events that had brought me to her office. There hadn't been enough time to get into anything really deep but by the end of the appointment I was emotionally drained.

In Adonis' car I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as I leaned my head back against the head rest.

"That bad?" he asked softly as he started up the car.

"It was hard putting into words what I've been through," I replied opening my eyes and letting them drift to him. He was pulling into the street. He gave me a an encouraging smile before he fixed his eyes back on the road.

"It'll get better," he assured me softly. I wasn't as convinced but I had to hope that Dr Charles would be able to help me get through my memory loss and learn to deal with it without feeling like I was missing something so important.

I closed my eyes again, feeling tired. The soft warmth of his hand covered mine. I felt my heart flutter at his touch. His fingers intertwined with mine and I felt more hopeful that I could find my way back to the person I had been before the hole in my memories had torn me apart.