BABYLON //a.f.i//

• N I G H T R I D E S •

•••Cora•••
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They screamed Annihilation.

I've come to understand that human emotions is one of, if not the most, dangerous weapons of all time. Knives can draw blood. Bullets can cause holes. But the damage to the soul that can be caused by human emotion is irreparable. Emotion is and always has been the secret evil behind the tragedies of the world. Every war that has ever been raged, every body that has ever been buried, every break down that has ever taken place - it all stems from the human ability to emote, to express our feelings in such complex fashions that allow us to even be humans. Emotions are the language of the soul. But in that, they are unruly; they are us in our purest forms. They are beasts that must be contained, for if they are not, the carnage can be great.

Personally, for quite some time now, I've had no control over my emotions. Walking chaos. I've let them take over my blood and infect every inch of my being. I've acted on impulse, on hurt, on love. And too this day, I've regretted almost every decision I've ever made since then. But that doesn't seem to stop me. Instead the regret just hangs on to me, clinging to me with its claws as it slowly builds, warping my very being.

I hated it. I do. I guess that's why I chose to drown myself in ecstasy and blind myself with lights. It stopped the feelings from coming to the surface. It kept the tears behind my eyes and the blood underneath my skin. After all, ignorance is bliss; that is if you're willing to believe in it. I didn't. Deep down inside I still heard every scream. I felt every bruise, and I remembered every kiss. It was all there, itching to get out, to infect me all over again when it had the chance.

Seeing Calum in Ashton's eyes had only increased my inner turmoil. I didn't like the sobriety. I thought I had. The real. But now it was all coming undone; I was coming undone. I could feel the flood gates beginning to open, and I could feel myself craving the lost feeling again. As much as I hated to admit it to myself; I liked being lost. I liked the lights. I liked the glitter. I liked the deafening sound of the music, the talking, the laughter. Oblivious.

I am weak. I had just preached to Ashton about the misery I felt coming down from those highs, exiting wonderland, but here I was craving it all over again - pathetically crawling back into its open arms of illusion. Maybe it was that split second of seeing Calum's face, but now it was a domino effect. Slowly it was all creeping back in, and I was losing confidence about my ability to live in a world I couldn't control. Maybe I was just meant to live in misery.

"You're awfully quiet, sleeping beauty. Don't tell me you've nodded off again?" Luke's voice pierced the depths of my thoughts, pulling me from my dark subconscious.

It was night again. This was the second time now I'd slept through the day only to wake up up to the false light of the neon streets. It felt almost vampire-esque not seeing the sun for so long. After Luke had informed Ashton about whoever this Max Ronan character was, Ashton had changed. He had grown visibly angry and had ordered Luke to drive us to some different location. Wasn't safe, he said. They're always watching, he said.

So that was the current state of things. I sat in the passenger seat of the car as Luke drove us towards god knows where, the colors mixing together outside of us, the cold begging to get in.

"Your friends name was Michael?" I don't know why, but it just came to me. I wanted to know more about this missing Michael. After all, isn't he who I was searching for?