BABYLON //a.f.i//

•FLASHBACK PT. 3•

I barely remember meeting Calum. It's something I'm ashamed to say, but something I can't deny. I was a mess. It was right after the incident, so I actually couldn't remember all that much from that period anyway. There wasn't a moment I wasn't high. There wasn't a moment hatred and sadness made up the composition of my very being. That's really all I can remember, how angry I was. Rage, that's more like it. I felt pure rage all the time. So I danced my days and nights away, hoping more and more that one day I wouldn't come back from it, that one day I'd close my eyes and they wouldn't open again.

Sometimes I think that's exactly what would have happened if I hadn't of met Calum. It was outside my apartment building; I was sitting on the steps as I was too dizzy and nauseous to make the trip to my room. I was coming down from a rough high, and I just remember looking up and just there he was. This tan skinned, dark haired man staring right at me. He was handsome, with beautiful lips and tattooed arms, I was immediately intrigued. I remember thinking His eyes looked as black as his hair, and for some reason that had excited me. A man of mystery.

"You okay?" He had said to me, hands placed casually in his pants pockets.

"No." I responded, knowing full well I looked an absolute disaster.

He nodded. "Yeah, me either." He walked over to where I sat and placed himself next to me, elbows on his knees.

"Aren't you going to tell me everything's going to be okay or some shit?" I looked at him inquisitively, waiting for the same bullshit response I heard from everyone.

He laughed, a response I had not been expecting. "Why the fuck would I tell you that? Judging by the look of you, nothing could be further from the truth."

And in an odd instant, I found myself smiling. "Cora." I whispered, directing my gaze back out to the city lights.

"Calum." He responded from next to me.

And that was that. Right then and there we'd reached a silent understanding, a promise of sorts. It was us against the world right then. Two halves of a whole trying to fit together like puzzle pieces, only we couldn't see that the lines didn't match correctly. We were far from a perfect fit.

Neither of us really realized how bad it was until it was too late. We'd invested too much in each other. I began to notice things that seemed small at first but gradually became a concern of mine. I didn't know Calum. Not really. He would be there one minute and gone the next. Calum never told me where he went or why. I know I don't own him, and I know that information isn't entirely my business, but it was his blatant refusal to answer my questions that sparked concern. He was hiding something.

And that bothered me just because of how much he knew about me. I let him completely in. He knew every inch of me inside and out. Never in my life had I allowed myself to be that vulnerable, so it hurt to know that he so actively kept his life hidden from me. Did he not trust me?

I remember the first time too, the first fight that got physical. He'd walked into the apartment completely drunk, so far gone I'm surprised he even knew my name. He'd been gone for a week now, no contact, nothing. Sometimes I thought he'd left me, but then there he'd be at the door, walking in so full of rage I didn't understand. He was mad at something, somebody - but I was never allowed to know who.

He walked in, and I had sat up, simultaneously surprised and angered by his appearance.

"Calum what the fuck?" I immediately felt my blood run hot. I refused to acknowledge the part of my mind that was relieved he had come back. No, I needed to be angry.

"Good to see you too baby." He leaned against the wall, his eyes totally glazed over, but they gleamed with rage. It was his go to state when drunk.

"I thought you were gone! I thought you fucking left me! Not even a goddamn word! Would it have killed you to call me? Would it have killed you to spare thirty seconds to let me know you were okay?" The hurt was coming through now. I wanted to show him how angry I was, but really I was hurting.

Calm stayed leaning against the wall, arms crossed, muscles tense. "You act as if I fucking owe you something."

I pursed my lips, my limbs stung with betrayal. "I thought we had something, Calum. Something real."

He scoffed. "Of course we have something real, Cora baby. You just overreact to everything. You're a fucking pill junkie Cora; it makes you goddamn paranoid, even when you're off of them."

It was if I could feel my stop; ice cold. "What did you just call me?"

He laughed mockingly. "Oh you're in such fucking denial, aren't you?" He took several steps toward me, but I only backed away.

I shook my head. "You can't fucking speak like that Calum. If you're going to treat me like shit, then go back to wherever you goddamn came from because this is my apartment! My home!"

He tilted his head. "Oh please, Cora. You know as well I do that you don't have a home."

That was it. My blood felt like ice and fire at the same time, I clenched my fists, my fingernails digging into my palms. "FUCK YOU CALUM!" I pointed at him accusingly. "YOU'RE A FUCKING DRUNK! YOU'RE A FUCKING ALCOHOLIC, AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I HATE IT! I HATE EVERY SECOND I SPEND LONGING FOR YOU OR WORRYING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU COULD NEVER FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME! YOUR HEART BELONGS TO WHATEVER SOLACE YOU FIND AT THE BOTTOM OF THOSE BOTTLES! SO FUCK YOU CALUM!"

It was so sudden I didn't realize what was happening until both his hands were on my shoulders. Gripping me aggressively he shoved me into the wall, my back hitting it with a crack. I grunted, my body tensing up in momentary pain and confusion before I looked up and met his eyes. They were black, so black, I couldn't even recognize him. That amount of rage covered his face like a mask. And before I could react, Calum placed one hand around my throat before the other one came down against my left side of my face. The sickening sound filled the air while the pain spread throughout every nerve in my upper body.

The pain was there, but I couldn't move. I was in shock. No matter how bad it got, Calum had never laid a hand on me. Not like this. His eyes, I'd never seen them that dark. Masked.

I reached up and danced my fingers carefully along my stinging lips. As I brought them away, I could see small drops of blood stain them in return. I looked back at Calum, a stray tear making its way down my cheek. "C-calum?..." I whispered the words carefully, as if not to anger the beast. It was more of a question than a statement; who was really in front of me?

Calum released me from his grasp, backing away a couple of steps. "Fuck..." he whispered bringing his hands to his head. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." It was as if he was suddenly sober, all too aware of his actions.

"I..." I tried to begin a sentence, but there weren't words to describe what I was feeling. "I'm going to bed." And with that I turned away from him, heading towards the stairs. But no sooner had I gone three steps did I feel his strong hand encase mine, silently begging me not to go.

"I'm sorry, Cora." His whisper itself was full of pain and confusion. One night of thought he had been the one hit. "That wasn't me. Please you know that wasn't me."

With shaking hands, I turned to face him. "How could you say that?" I could barely look him in the eyes. I was terrified. "No Calum." I shook my head.

"I have

no idea

who you are."

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