BABYLON //a.f.i//

• FLASHBACK PT. 2•

I counted the bottles and cans on the table. There were too many to finish. Empty, the neon light ran through and reflected against them in a haunting matter, but I knew they were mocking me. He belongs to us, not you, they said. He loves us, not you.

Calum sat on the couch staring forlornly into yet another empty bottle. He radiated pain and anger. I wish I knew how to help him. I wish he let me in. It was scary how little I knew about Calum, and yet I'd let him completely into my life. I'd let him take over every thought and control my body with his very touch.

I creeped down the stairs, slowly approaching him. I hated seeing him like this. Calum was an angry drunk, and some nights were worse than others. I could tell this was going to be one of those worse nights. "Calum..." I whispered as I put my hand on his shoulder. I wanted to ease his pain, whatever it was that was infecting his conscious. I wanted him to know that I could be here for him, that I could listen to his ghosts, that I could help fight his demons. He just had to let me in.

He jerked at my touch, my presence clearly surprising him as he was pulled back from his thoughts into reality. "Fuck, Cora. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I pulled my shaking hand away. "I just... I wanted to see if you were okay. You've been so distant lately Calum... I'm worried..."

"You're worried about me?" His mocking tone interrupted me. "You're fucking worried about me, Cora? Is that fucking right?" He stood up, his frame immediately eclipsing my own.

"Calum please, I didn't mean..."

"I'm sick of your condescending bullshit. I'm fucking sick of it. You look at me and try to preach my sins, but you ignore your own! It's fucking sick Cora! You look at me and want to fix me when you're far more broken than I'll ever be!" He took a step forward, reaching out and grabbing my shoulder as he did so. I flinched but his grip was tight.

"Calum you know that's not true." I tried to face the pure rage that radiated from his dark eyes. "All I've ever wanted was to be there for you. I know there's something wrong. I can see it in your every movement and hear it in ever word you speak; you're in pain Calum. And I know... I know what that's like. I just want you to open up to me..." I lifted my shaking hand and placed it on the tan skin of his defined cheek. "I love you Calum." I breathed slowly and raggedly, trying to bottle my fear. "Let me share your pain."

"I'm not who you think I am, Cora. I never was. I'm here for all the wrong reasons." His hand went from my shoulder to my chin. "I found you for all the wrong reasons. And now... now look what we've become."

"Calum..." I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes. "Calum I don't understand."

"Isn't that what you do best? I drink to forget, but you - what you do is far more dangerous. You create your own delusions, Cora. You live in wonderland. You're an addict, just like me. And you want to know what the worst part is?"  His tone darkened dangerously, and I felt the tears make their way slowly down my cheeks.

"What?" I whispered.

"That's what I love about you. We can self destruct together, because when it feels good, it feels good. Isn't that right baby?"

"I don't want it to be like this Calum. I want to know who you really are. I want to be real with eachother." I looked down, his gaze intimidating me.

My answer didn't please him. His fingers began to dig into the flesh on the back of my neck. I flinched but he didn't release me. "Of course this is how you fucking want it. You love it. You just won't admit it. You love the fights. You love the hate fucking. You love losing your goddamn mind. So don't spout bullshit about real to me Cora. We both know you lost sight of that a long time ago."