Guard My Heart

Chapter 5

I was completely flabbergasted but I kept my cool. I didn't even know how to answer to that. I mean it's not like he was telling me that he was in love with me, all he said was that he is attracted to me. He also lied because I clearly heard him tell 'Darcy' that they hooked up.

"She may not be your girlfriend but you guys did hook up. I heard when you were telling her." Out of all the things I could've said that was what came out of my mouth.

"I guess hooking up means something different for you. When I said we hooked up I meant that we made out. We were at a work event and we both got pretty wasted ended up making out in a taxi on the way to her house. By the way I wasn't about to take advantage of a drunk woman so nothing happened, I put her to sleep and went home and slept on my bed. That's it, I promise we are not sleeping together. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship either but I'm not opposed to something casual with you." I don't know why he was explaining himself to me, or what he was expecting out of this. He clearly isn't into relationships and I'm not into 'hook ups'.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I do like you, but I don't expect anything from you after what happened between us. Casual flings just isn't my thing and I understand that that's all you can offer." I hoped with all my heart that I kept the dejection out of my voice, because I was lying straight through my teeth.

"I'm not totally against relationships it's just that for now I have to concentrate on keeping you safe. I can't have any distractions and a relationship is just that, a huge distraction. Maybe when this whole ordeal is over we can pursue something more." Oh... so he wanted to have his cake and eat it too, I don't think so. Because having casual relations with a person doesn't cause distractions, note sarcasm.

"Okay I'm going to go watch TV in my room, because this conversation is going no where. I refuse to be anyone's f*ck buddy. While I respect your work and your way of living your life, I've already stated my limitations and they're not about to change." I got up off the couch and walked out of there. 

How dare he suggest we hook up while he's hooking up with officer Cook. I continued up to my room not stopping to look back, honestly officer Cook can keep him.

I understood he didn't want a relationship because of his job, but that doesn't mean I'm going to settle with being a f*ck buddy. That's never going to be a title associated with me, period!

I laid on my bed for hours and had the TV on a random show. I wasn't really watching I just needed a distraction from what just happened downstairs. Knowing that he likes me but doesn't want anything serious with me hurts a little. What bothers me the most is that I've never felt an attraction this strong with anyone else, and he doesn't want anything serious. Maybe I'm being dramatic but I've dated plenty of men in my twenty three, almost twenty four, years of life and the only one I have a connection with doesn't do commitment. Like damn! How unlucky do you have to be for that to happen. I silently laughed at myself for the situation I was currently in. I read somewhere that laughing at yourself can improve your mental toughness and that's exactly what I needed, and suddenly I found myself laughing hysterically on the bed holding my stomach. I was going crazy for sure.

I sobered up when there was a knock on my door. I walked over to the mirror on the vanity and fixed myself up before opening the door. When I finally opened the door I was surprised on who was standing at the other side, I must've had a surprised look on my face because she immediately spoke up.

"I'm here with friendly intentions I promise." She immediately explained. "Sebastian came to talk to me and made me see sense on a couple of things." I noticed that she didn't look to enthusiastic to be here talking to me. 

Well I wasn't excited about seeing her either so I didn't say anything and just waited for her to continue to say whatever Sebastian put her up to.