Chapter seven - the green eyed monster
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I thought I was coping.
I thought I was managing well to listen to Gerard rambling dreamily about Renée while nodding and smiling through gritted teeth. I could tolerate the kissing. I could tolerate him talking about the kissing. I could just about endure him saying over and over that he loved her.
But apparently there were some things I couldn’t keep my mask on for.
----
“Frank,” Gerard said, giggling.
He stumbled and tripped up, acting drunk. I wasn’t sure if he was actually drunk or genuinely sober but intoxicated with love or something awful like that.
“Guess- guess what, Frank?"
“What?” I sighed.
“No! Guess!”
Okay. Maybe he was actually drunk.
This wouldn’t have happened if he wasn’t under the influence of Renée. She was all for trying new and stupid things. Gerard was sensible. Well, normally, he was sensible, at least.
“I don’t know, Gerard. Please don’t make me guess.”
“Fine,” he sighed, a little disheartened, but he quickly returned to giggly and stupid within seconds. “Renée and I-“
I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, always expecting the worse to make what he really said less dreadful for me. What I never expected at all, though, was for the worst to actually come.
“We did it.”
“Y-you did what?” I choked.
“Sex! Done! Virginity gone,” Gerard giggled hysterically.
And that was it. I snapped. The whole time, Gerard had been toying with that one delicate thread, and now, with those words, he had just got out a pair of scissors and snipped the whole fucking bracelet in half. I was fucking done.
“Right. Fuck- that’s it,” I said, furious and heartbroken and confused. “I can’t just sit here listening to you ramble on about her. I can’t just sit and watch as you two fucking happy little lovebirds fall for each other. I’m leaving. You’ve just lost your best friend, you stupid cunt.”
I stood up sharply and stormed out of the tent, ignoring Mikey coughing and calling my name confusedly. Mikey was always there, always listening but never really able to contribute to conversations. It took a lot of effort for him to talk now. He had a problem with his chest.
But I couldn’t go back inside, even to see Mikey. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face Gerard.
----
I’d always hoped that if something like this ever happened to me in the future, I could be like Adele or something and be happy for him. But I just fucking couldn’t. Because I knew that Renée wasn’t good for him.She wasn’t going to help him turn into a better person. She wasn’t going to have a lovely domestic life with him. She was probably going to get him on drugs and fuck him up. She certainly wasn’t going to help him start the revolution he always dreamed of.
I knew she wasn’t good for him; she was making him drink, for god’s sake, so I couldn’t be happy for him. She was going to turn him into something he wasn’t– something he shouldn’t be.
Every time I’d envisioned a situation like this in the past, it would have gone completely differently. It always involved me being cool and calm, telling the truth, not hiding, and being strong. None of them involved me curling up in my bed and crying.
I knew I was being pathetic, and I knew I was being insurmountably unreasonable. But I didn’t really know what else to do.
----
“Bob, come on,” I moaned. “You have a solution for everything.”
“Not this,” he said gently. “I can’t interfere with something like this.”
“What do you mean, ‘things like this’?”
“I mean, I cannot interfere with affairs of the heart,” he said, putting on his best British accent.
“Oh, really? Then why did you feel it was appropriate to announce in the middle of lunch that Wilson’s girlfriend was sleeping with the backup quarterback?”
Bob snorted. “Just to see the look on his face. He thinks that just because he’s captain of the football team that he is god. I was being kind… Just trying to give him some perspective on life,” Bob shrugged.
“And see the look on his face. You just gave me two totally different reasons!”
“Frank… calm down. You’re too stressed.”
“I know,” I whined. “I just. Gerard was my best friend and now I’ve lost him and I was the one who yelled at him so there’s no way that he’ll even take me back as a friend, let alone anything else, and Bob, I’m going to die.”
“Right. Frank. Calm the fuck down, okay?”
I sighed, and scrubbed my face with my hands. “I’m calm. Okay.”
“Okay. Now, stop being an idiot and man up. Gerard is straight. It’s not worth it.”
“But what if–“
“Frank. If some girl started to try and force you to turn straight, do you think it would work?”
I sighed. “No.”
“Then give up. I’m your best friend now. I am all you have. So stop your whining and your stressing or you’ll lose me too. And while you’re at it, please try not to fall in love with me as well.”
I flipped him off, but he just laughed. At least I had Bob. And maybe I could spend a bit more time with Mikey. We were quite good friends already, and I knew he must get pretty bored and lonely being confined to his bed all day with no one visiting him but Ray.
Bob was right. I had given up on Gerard, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t start making more of an effort with Bob and Mikey. And since I would be spending more time with Mikey, maybe I could get to know Ray a little better. We hadn’t really talked before.
I needed to stop being stupid about this whole situation, and I needed to grow up. So this was it. I was growing up, and I was getting over Gerard.
And I was making friends. A year ago, having two new potential friends would have been a miracle, and already having one would have been completely unforeseen.
I was doing so much better in life than I thought I would be by now, and I was just taking it all for granted. I had friends. This was amazing. And I was just moping over some guy I was never going to get?
Bob was always right. Always. And I was going to fucking listen to him from now on.
I was pretty sure Bob was secretly some sort of psychic future-predictor or something. Or that he was hiding a 250 IQ. He was always right.
YOU ARE READING
Disgusting (Frerard)
Fanfiction"There's a reason we are white and pure, and they are black and dirty. There's a reason they stain our skin. That we are shamed if others see those stains. They're bad people, Frank. They're disgusting."
