Chapter fifteen - rust
Dedicated to @ChemicallyCalista because, oh man, your comments make me laugh way too much xD
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I woke up in a weird place between uncomfortable and incredibly comfortable that didn’t really make any sense.
My back was cold and whatever I was leaning against was hard and rough, but there was something warm and soft on top of me that smelt vaguely like lavender and I kind of didn’t want to move. I thought I was still dreaming for a little while, but then Gerard stirred and burrowed his face into my neck and I yawned and opened my eyes.
We had fallen asleep on the floor of the cell. There were no beds, so we had just curled up in the corner of the room, Gerard nestled into my chest.
I glanced down at him. He was a mess. I was a mess.
Smudges and splashes of white covered his whole body; his skin, his hair, everywhere we touched. Even his eyelashes were white from having his face pressed into my neck. Simultaneously, the black of his skin had spread into mine and I might as well have been a black in white clothes from the amount of me it had covered.
The vivid contrast between my skin and his was odd. It was like we had switched places.
“Frankie,” he mumbled, tiredly opening his eyes.
“Hey,” I said softly.
He sighed and stretched, still waking up. He glanced around the room, taking in the surroundings. I didn’t speak, I just let him process it all. It’s odd waking up somewhere like here.
When his eyes scanned over me, he blinked a few times, bewildered. “You’re all…” He gestured confusedly, not knowing how to illustrate his point.
“Yeah.”
It was awkward and icy cold, and neither of us really knew what to say next.
“So.” I stretched, flexing my arms and cracking my neck. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“’M fucking freezing and fucking terrified,” he laughed. “Not really.”
“I’d offer to warm you up, but I’m probably colder than you,” I mumbled.
He nodded half-heartedly and sighed, leaning back against the concrete wall.
I glanced through the bars of the cell over at Ray and Mikey, seeing if they were awake. They weren’t. They were both still sleeping soundly in the same position Gerard and I had been in just minutes before… Except they looked right. They fitted together, and their colours matched. Gerard and I contrasted. We looked wrong, like we weren’t meant to be together.
Maybe we weren’t meant to be together.
But I just loved him so much. I felt empty without him. Kissing him made me feel whole again. I wanted to be with him forever.
Man, I was such a teenager.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that this was real. He had actually kissed me. Did it mean that there were feelings? Did that mean that he wasn’t straight? Or just that he had been scared and he wanted to feel close to somebody, just for the night?
I wanted to talk about this so badly I felt like my chest was going to cave in. But how would I even start?
“Gerard?” I said quietly.
“Yeah?” he mumbled.
“Um. Last night.” I opened my mouth to say something else but nothing came out.
Gerard looked frightened and guilty, like he’d done something wrong and was waiting for me to yell at him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry. Can we talk about this? Please?”
“Sorry.” Then he realised what he’d said. “Oh. No. Oh god.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. Just. Why did you do it?”
“I don’t know,” he said in a small voice. “I just… I don’t know.”
“You’re straight,” I stated.
“I– maybe I’m not,” he said almost inaudibly.
“I don’t understand.” I scrubbed my face in my hands. “Fine. How do you feel about me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Stop saying that. You’ve got to know something.”
“But I–”
“Why did you kiss me if you didn’t know how you felt about me?” I asked.
“You just–”
“Did you even think about what it could do to me?” I asked, raising my voice.
“I didn’t–”
“Answer me, Gerard!”
“Give me a fucking chance!” he shrieked.
My mouth fell shut. There was complete and utter silence. I had never hear Gerard yell before. Ever.
“Just give me a chance,” he said, voice raw like he was about to cry.
I nodded, and kept my lips pressed tightly together.
“You looked so sad,” he whispered. “I don’t know. I thought– I thought I could make you smile again.” He exhaled shakily. “I want to make you happy. You mean a lot to me, and I don’t like seeing you sad. So. That’s why I did it.”
He was quiet for a moment, but I didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure if he was done. And I did not want to interrupt him again.
“And Frank?” he asked in a small voice, quieter and less confident. “Can you please just… not ask me about my sexuality again? I thought I was straight, but you– I mean– there’s girls and there’s you. And I don’t– I don’t know,” he said in a whisper.
I didn’t say anything, still unsure whether there was more.
“I’m done,” he said. “You can talk or whatever.”
I wanted to talk. I had so much to say about this, but “Oh,” was all I could manage.
There were a few moments of silence while I tried to work out how the hell to phrase what was on my mind, but first of all what to start with. I figured an apology was probably due first.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” I said. “And I’m sorry for trying to talk about things you weren’t comfortable with.”
Gerard nodded shyly. “Thanks.”
“And whenever, um. Whenever you’re ready to talk or whatever. I’m right here. Okay?”
“Yeah.”
I was relieved that we had talked about it, but the tension still hadn’t diffused. We had answered so many questions but there were so many more.
“What are we going to do now, then?” I asked. I didn’t like this uncertainty between us. “We’re spending the rest of our lives together, we should probably work something out,” I mumbled.
“Does it have to have a label?” Gerard asked quietly, shy eyes sneaking a glance up at me.
“Um,” I said. “I guess not.”
“We could still be friends and kiss sometimes, right?”
I hesitated. This sounded like a bad idea. If he didn’t feel anything strong enough to want a proper relationship, then was it even worth it? “I’m not sure,” I said softly. “Gee, I don’t think I can do this. It’s too much.”
“What do you mean?” he asked in a small voice.
“You either have feelings for me or you don’t. I know what I feel. And I know what I want. But I need to know how you feel, Gerard.”
“Wait, what do you feel?”
“I can’t–”
The sound of a violent crash and a hoarse scream tore me from the conversation. My head snapped around to Mikey’s cell, where a guard lay unconscious on the floor, and Bob knelt in front of Ray and Mikey inside the cell, trying to calm the terrified younger boy. Mikey’s eyes were wide with shock and he looked like he couldn’t breathe, and Ray was staring at Bob like he was inhuman.
The unconscious guard had blood leaking from the corner of his mouth, and his eyes weren’t shut, but staring vacantly at the ceiling. The keys to the cell were still on his belt, and he had no white handprints on him, just one white footprint on his forehead from a kick.
The bars to Ray and Mikey’s cell were twisted and snapped in the middle, bent into a shape big enough for someone to climb through.
Bob’s hands were covered in rust.
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HOLY CRAP PLOT TWIST
i totally changed my plan for the story and its going to be even better than i thought
theres no way in hell any of you will be able to guess whats going to happen now
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
ok thats enough evil for now i have homework to do
xoxo
YOU ARE READING
Disgusting (Frerard)
Fanfiction"There's a reason we are white and pure, and they are black and dirty. There's a reason they stain our skin. That we are shamed if others see those stains. They're bad people, Frank. They're disgusting."
