Chapter fourteen - scarlet
I’m so so SO sorry this is late, I’ve just been really blocked lately and distracted with LIFE in general. Everything’s kind of blurry right now.
The thing is, in order for me to write well, I have to be feeling SOME SORT OF EMOTION. Right now I’m not depressed enough to write, but I’m not happy enough either. Bored is not an emotion, and neither is tired, and neither is UGH, but that seems to be basically all I am feeling right now.
On a different note, you guys better like this chapter (PLEASE). It took me ages. SHIT FINALLY HAPPENS.
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I stared at the wall.
The concrete was damp, and it stank of piss and mould. It was cold. The air was thick like there were too many pairs of lungs trying to breathe at once. The bars on the cell were rusted and corroded, a crusty layer of brown coating the metal, yet they were still standing strong and doing too good a job of keeping us trapped in our cage.
I was stuck in a cell with Gerard. Potentially for the rest of my life. Apparently, being involved in a crime relating to blacks meant that a trial wasn’t even required.
Out of sheer luck (and maybe a slightly sympathetic prison guard) Mikey and Ray were together, finally without their shackles. Their cell was opposite ours, but we weren’t allowed to talk to them. Gerard and I just watched in silence as Ray frantically checked Mikey was okay and then kissed him fiercely, mumbling that he would never let anyone hurt him again.
“Wish someone was that protective over me,” Gerard murmured.
“You haven’t given me the chance,” I said, meaning it as a joke, but letting it come out a lot more serious.
Gerard didn’t seem to mind. He just smiled slightly.
We leant back against the cold, damp wall of the cell, feeling kind of hopeless.
“Guess this is it,” he muttered.
“What?”
“I guess this is just our life now.”
“Oh.”
He sighed.
“At least we’re together,” I said softly. I didn’t care that everything I was saying was really gay and that Gerard had probably already worked out by now that I was in love with him. I had sort of given up on everything.
Gerard nodded half-heartedly, apparently not minding. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall.
I slumped back in the corner of the cell, closing my eyes too. I didn’t want to have to look at this awful place, and I certainly didn’t want to see Gerard here.
We sat there for a while, eyes shut, but still awake. Not a word fell from my lips, but my thoughts were racing, screaming, though I didn’t dare voice a single one of them. I just sat in silence with Gerard.
I probably would have fallen asleep, the buzz of my mind dulling to a muted drone, if Gerard hadn’t shifted slightly, closer to me.
I was suddenly very conscious of everything again.
It was an accident. Of course it was an accident. But no. It couldn’t have been, because he was moving closer again, just shuffling that couple of inches towards me so our sides were pressed together. I swallowed. I think Gerard heard it.
“Frank,” he mumbled.
I dared to glance over to him, and Jesus, he was very very close. So close I could feel his breath on my face. Warm. Oh god.
“Frank,” he said again, softer this time.
“Yeah?” I said almost inaudibly.
“Thank you for being here for me,” he said quietly. “And thank you for being there for Mikey when I was– well, when I was off with Renée.” He paused. “Sorry about that, by the way.”
“It’s okay,” I murmured.
“Just… Thank you for everything.”
“Thank you too,” I mumbled.
Gerard just looked at me, eyes locked with mine. He licked his lips nervously. “I’m glad I’m stuck with you.”
“Hm?”
“I’m glad I’m in a cell with you. Rather than someone else.”
“Me too,” I mumbled.
There was silence for a little while after that.
“Frank,” Gerard said. I don’t think he was trying to get my attention, or trying to tell me something. He was just saying my name. Like a comfort.
“Gerard,” I said softly, and then I realised. “You’ve lost your stutter.”
He nodded slightly. “I’m not scared when I’m with you.” He smiled; a kind of bittersweet smile.
“I guess you’ll never be scared again, then,” I whispered.
There was a pause before anything happened after that. I remember the pause. Just complete and utter silence and stillness, tension hanging in the air between us, warm but stiff and unsure.
And then Gerard was reaching up, carefully curling a hand around the back of my neck, and wrapping an arm loosely around my waist, and before I could really process what was happening, he was kissing me. It was barely a kiss, just a soft brush of lips, and after a moment he pulled away.
He swallowed nervously. Ducked his head. Faint white marks stained his lips, his hands, his sides where he had been pressed up next to me just seconds before. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t– I didn’t mean–”
“It’s okay,” I said softly, tentatively lifting a hand and tracing the line of his jaw.
My fingertips almost instantly turned black where I had touched him, like I had dipped them in dark ink, and three small white lines left by my fingers graced his cheek, the snowy white marks contrasting with the ebony of his skin. He leaned into the touch, tilting his head into my hand and automatically searching for more contact. The white of my hand slowly seeped into his skin, and he shivered slightly, almost like he could feel it.
It took a moment or two for me to work up the courage to kiss him again, but it was worth it as he wrapped his arm around my waist and tangled his fingers into my hair. I melted into him, closing my eyes, sighing and pulling him closer, and he slid his arm further around me, settling on the small of my back.
We weren’t going to ask awkward questions about how we felt about each other. We weren’t going to think about if we had just completely ruined our friendship. We were just going to kiss. Just going to be together, and live in the moment–
Because there would never be another like it.
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DID YOU GET MY REFERENCE TO EARLIER IN THE FIC? Hahahaha… haha… *sobs*
Apologies for this chapter being a little on the short side, but I think it’s too INTENSE to be any longer. And anyway, I AM ABSOLUTELY SHIT AT KISS SCENES AND I’VE NEVER BEEN KISSED BEFORE SO I HAVE NOTHING TO GO ON
EVERYTHING I WROTE MADE ME CRINGE AND THIS TOOK ME AGES JFC
Sorry if it was super sucky xD
love you guys xoxo
YOU ARE READING
Disgusting (Frerard)
Fanfiction"There's a reason we are white and pure, and they are black and dirty. There's a reason they stain our skin. That we are shamed if others see those stains. They're bad people, Frank. They're disgusting."
