Epilogue
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"Good morning, Rosy Posy," I said, lifting Rose out of her cot to hold her safely in my arms. "You're one today," I cooed. "Yes you are. My little baby girl."
She squealed in acknowledgement and clung to my shirt as I carried her down the stairs.
"Gee?" I called.
I was a little worried about today. It was Rose's first birthday, and it was supposed to be a happy day. But it was almost exactly a year since Donna died, and Gerard had been getting increasingly mopey and sad lately.
"Gerard?" I called, softer this time.
I found him in the living room, curled up on the floor by the couch, arms wrapped around his knees and sleeves pulled over his hands. He'd been chewing on his cuffs again. It was a nervous habit.
I sat down next to him with Rose on my lap. "Gee?"
He stared at the floor and shifted so he could start gnawing on his sleeve again. He wasn't going to talk, and I knew there was no point in trying to make him.
"You miss her," I stated quietly.
He nodded solemnly.
"You want a hug?"
He shook his head.
"Breakfast? We've got cereal, toast, eggs and shit like that. I can cook you something if you want."
He refused again.
"Are you sure? I'll even make you some coffee."
He shrank into himself, hiding his face behind his knees, and shook his head again.
"Gerard, love, you've got to eat something. Come on."
"No," he mumbled.
"Alright, fine. But at least come and sit with me and Rose. It's her birthday."
"My parents weren't there on my birthday," he muttered, but he pulled himself up and trudged into the kitchen nonetheless.
——
Rose seemed incredibly excited at the novelty of real, human food. She was used to avocado mush and plastic-y, artificial milk. When I served her a bowl of slightly soggy rice crispies with real cows' milk and everything, she beamed at me and immediately started enthusiastically poking at it with the handle of the spoon. She hadn't quite got the hang of using cutlery yet.
"In lieu of you turning one, we're letting you have real food," I informed Rose as she stabbed at the cereal. "But don't get used to it. If you spill this everywhere, it's back to those tiny little pots of mush. Really hoping we don't have to go back to that, though. You can barely fit a fuckin' teaspoon in one of those."
Rose ignored me and dunked her hand in the cereal, giggling when it came out covered in bits of rice crispies. She then proceeded to eat the cereal off her hand, and I sat down beside Gerard. I stroked his arm comfortingly, and he sighed and rested his head on my shoulder.
We watched as Rose happily devoured her cereal. When she was finished, she looked up at us and smiled. She looked so innocent.
"Are you going to say happy birthday to her?" I asked Gerard.
He shook his head. "She wouldn't even know what I was saying," Gerard muttered. "She probably doesn't even know who I am."
"Of course she does!" I pushed the cereal bowl aside and lifted Rose out of her high-chair and onto Gerard's lap. She settled in her new seat and cuddled up to him. "She doesn't do that with everyone," I said. "Just me and you."
She nuzzled her face into his jacket, and he wrapped an arm around her small frame, keeping her close.
"She loves you, of course she knows who you are."
"No she doesn't," he mumbled sulkily.
"Gerard!" Man, he was difficult sometimes. He could be infuriatingly stubborn when he wanted.
"Gerard," a small feminine voice echoed.
Gerard and I both suddenly looked down at Rose. "What did you just say?" I asked, a mix of curious and utterly shocked.
"Gerard," Rose repeated, beaming and poking Gerard in the stomach. "Daddy."
"Holy crap."
Gerard couldn't hold back a smile now. With that one word, his mood had been infinitely lightened. "Yeah," he said. "I'm your daddy." He held her tightly in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."
"Daddy," she said again.
"Daddy," he agreed.
"Told you she knows who you are," I said, grinning.
Gerard rolled his eyes.
"Wait a second," I said, thinking. "If you're daddy, then what the hell am I?"
Gerard looked up thoughtfully. He paused, and then smiled, apparently rather pleased with his answer. "Mom."
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THAT'S THE END, FOLKS.
I'M SORRY. I'M SAD TOO. BUT WE HAVE TO MOVE ON.
So, it's finally done! What am I going to do now? What the hell will I do now? I have no idea what I'm going to do now. Oh, well.
Thank you so much, you guys. I basically owe you everything. You've all been a great help to me while writing this book, but there are a few of you that I want to thank specifically (because you're just that much extra awesome). This is a little long, but read it. You might be in it.
@AMadWholockian, my little muse. Thank you for giving me real life experiences in a few aspects of the story... I wanted to write about unrequited love and I had no experience– but then I fell for you and all of a sudden I had experience. Then I wanted to write about actually being in a relationship and I had no experience– but then all of a sudden, BAM, we're going out. lmao thanks
@EddieSThomas, MY LITTLE SKITTLE WHORE, YOU ARE FAB. Thanks for reading and giving me feedback, but mostly thanks for managing to show me a new picture of Gerard's legs basically every day of school. Dude. Oh, yeah! And thanks for covering .weighted. on the ukulele that one break time. That seriously made my life.
@KawaiiCabbage, I know you've only just read this book, but thanks for being an awesome friend through the writing of it. ILYSM MY BEAUTIFUL TORTOISE MOM ;__;
@captain-of-the-ships, your sarcasm is fab and that fanart you did was seriously perfect. you are precious, dude. I adore you always.
@SeraphStarshine, you're probably one of my bestest internet friends in the world (and I mean that literally, cos I'm friends with people from Australia to Singapore to Canada). Love you lots :3
@Rxclxss_abxdon, treasured internet buddy. Your comments always end up making me laugh way too much. Santa's flesh, oml, I luff you
@ChemicallyCalista, you have, on occasion, made me laugh so much I fell off the sofa and nearly broke my phone (and my spine). Your comments are beautiful. Like, seriously.
@seemingly_human, thank you so much for sticking by my side and talking to me about everything and basically being the best person in the world when I was down. You're amazing. Thank you, buddy.
And, finally, thank you to each and every one of my readers, my voters, my followers and my friends. You are incredible. You are fabulous. YOU ARE MY SKITTLES. Never forget that.
Now, I know you're gonna miss me, so I'll leave you with this. Even if you're dusted, you may be gone, but out here in the desert, your shadow lives on without you. This is mama skittles, signing off.
*Star spangled banner plays*
*realises I'm not american*
*god save the queen plays*
bye
xoxo
YOU ARE READING
Disgusting (Frerard)
Fanfiction"There's a reason we are white and pure, and they are black and dirty. There's a reason they stain our skin. That we are shamed if others see those stains. They're bad people, Frank. They're disgusting."
