Chapter nineteen - uh... pumpkin?

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Chapter nineteen - uh… pumpkin?


I don’t know what to call this. So, uh. Pumpkin.

I love the word pumpkin. It’s a cute word. Pumpkin.


In other news: eughblehgh. Life is trying me.

Fucking life.

But never mind me. You want the story. Here you go <3


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It wasn’t hard to gather up a sufficient enough amount of blacks to be counted as an army. Almost everyone in the incastum wanted to help.

We weren’t quite sure when we were going to need this army, because the five of us planned to kill the president ourselves, but we were sure it would come in handy when taking down the council.

We were all completely and absolutely prepared to storm into the Candidus building and kill everyone. We had escape plans, strategies, all sorts of technical shit to help us along. There was only one small hitch– we still had the baby to take care of. I was fairly sure that taking a baby into a battle would be the single most stupid thing I had ever done, so I thought up the genius idea of finding Rose a carer for a day or two while we went on our murderous rampage.

“Patrick,” I said, trying to keep Rose balanced on my hip (it’s quite hard to do if you’re male and have no waist). “I need to ask you a favour.”

Patrick eyed Rose suspiciously. “Please tell me it doesn’t involve this baby.”

“Sorry,” I said apologetically, “but we really need someone to take care of her, and you and Pete are the only guys we trust enough.”

“But– we were gonna fight with you.”

“Someone has to take care of the kid, okay? She’s Gerard’s sister. She’s only a day old, so you gotta be careful with her, okay?” I carefully lifted the baby into Patrick’s arms while he just stared, eyes wide, quite terrified.

“I haven’t agreed to take care of her yet–”

“Well, neither have we, but we’re stuck with her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Her mom just died, okay?” I said in a low voice. I glanced back at Gerard, who was sitting on a wall on the street corner, gnawing on his fingernails. “Gerard wants to fight for her. So. You’ve got to take care of her, just for the day. Ish. Maybe a little longer.”

“How much longer?” Patrick asked unhappily, attempting to rock the small creature in his arms.

“Maybe a day, I don’t know. Maybe the rest of your life.”

“The hell?” Patrick spluttered.

“Well, if we all die, you’re all she’s got. As far as I’m aware. We’ve got no clue where the dad is.”

“Oh, god,” Patrick mumbled. He craned his neck around the door back into the house. “Pete!” he yelled. “If everyone dies, we may be adopting a baby.”

“What the hell?” Pete said, appearing in the doorway. Then he saw Rose. “Oh, god. It’s a baby. It’s a real actual baby. Are you serious? We might have to look after this?”

“Um, if Frank and Gerard and various other people die in this battle, then yes.”

“Shit,” Pete said. He turned to me. “Stay alive, Frank. Please. For my sake.”

“I’ll try,” I said rolling my eyes. “Her name’s Rose. Well, have fun with her. I’m off.”

“You’re going? Now?”

“Uh, yeah. I’ve got a president to assassinate.”

“But–” Pete stared at the baby, terrified. “But what do we even do with it?”

“Her,” I corrected. “Not it. She’s a girl.”

“What do we do with her?” Pete asked weakly. “I don’t know what to do with babies. I still am one.”

“Pete, you’re seventeen. If you can legally have kids to look after for the rest of your life, I’m sure you’ll cope fine spending a day with one.”

“But what if you die?”

“Then I’ll be laughing at your pain from beyond the grave. Have fun!” I grinned, then turned on my heel and walked back towards Gerard.

He slid down off the wall and started to walk with me back to his house. “Are you sure she’ll be alright with them?” he asked worriedly.

“Um…”

We turned back to look at Pete and Patrick. Patrick was cooing at the baby while Pete was pleading god to tell him why he had been doomed to this fate.

“They’ll be fine,” I said quickly, turning Gerard around so he didn’t see Pete falling to his knees and pounding the ground with his fist, making noises like a dying moose.

----

Everyone jumped at our arrival back at Gerard’s tent.

This was it. Now Rose was taken care of, it was time. We were going to fight.

“Are you sure she’s safe?” Mikey asked.

“Pete and Patrick are perfectly competent guardians,” I reassured him. “Don’t worry.”

“Frank,” Pete cried, traumatised. “The kid is screaming and she won’t stop.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” I spluttered. “How did you get here so fast?”

“She started screaming right after you left and I was trying to catch up with you but she’s really awkward to hold,” he complained, lifting her higher up on his hip.

Patrick suddenly appeared beside him, breathless. “Pete?” he asked, befuddled. “Why did you run off? I let you hold her for five seconds and you went sprinting away.”

“She started crying,” Pete whined. “How do I shut her up?”

“Uh,” I said. I really had no clue. “Just– rock her. Feed her. Sing. I don’t know. I’m not good with babies.”

“None of us are,” Ray said. “But if you just use logic–”

“Logic?” Pete repeated, an expression of utter horror on his face. “Can’t we just get a babysitter?”

“I am not leaving Rose with some stranger!” Gerard insisted. He looked quite distressed. “You guys are the only people we trust with her. We need you to take care of her so we can fight.”

“But we want to fight–”

“Well, we all have more valid reasons than you,” Gerard hissed. “Our mom was killed right in front of us by the council.”

“They locked us up,” I said. “Did they imprison you guys?” I asked.

Pete looked at a loss.

“They turned me into a freak,” Bob muttered, kicking a rock. The rock split in two. “What did they do to you?” he asked sarcastically.

“I– I’m sorry,” Pete said guiltily.

“Good,” Gerard snapped.

“Guys,” Ray said firmly. “Guys. Don’t do this. We’re not seriously going to start turning on each other, are we? There are people up there who want to kill us.” Ray glanced up at the white tower of the Candidus building. “Do we really need to argue about which one of us is going to kill them? As long as it’s going to happen somehow, we should all be happy. Or not fighting at least.”

“It does seem fair that you guys should be the ones to do it,” Pete mumbled. “Kill them, I mean. It’s just… I don’t know what to do with a baby,” he said weakly. “At all.”

“Pete,” I said honestly. “Neither do any of us. This kid was almost literally just dumped in our laps. But it does seem like you and Patrick would be the best choice to look after her. Well, Patrick at least. I mean, he takes care of you, right? It can’t be much different. You’re both soft skulled little things with the IQ of a pumpkin and the appetite of a large hippo.”

Pete snorted incredulously at this. “Thanks!”

“It’s true, though,” Patrick said.

Pete shot him a look. “You’re supposed to be the one siding with me.”

“Hey, I’m not saying you aren’t an awesome person. You can just be a bit of a handful,” Patrick laughed. “You’re right, Frank. Maybe we can manage this.”

“For god’s sake,” Bob said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t understand why you’re all making such a big thing out of this. It’s for a bloody day. And before you say anything, we’re not going to die. Just because we’ve lost one person it doesn’t mean we’re going to lose any more.”

“Right,” I said. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Now come on,” Bob said. “Let’s go destroy those fuckers.”

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