Zugzwang [COMPLETED]

Part I, chapter 1

"Zugzwang ( for "compulsion to move") is a term originally used in which also applies to various other games. The concept finds its formal definition in . It describes a situation where one player is put at a disadvantage because he has to make a move – the player would prefer to pass and make no move. The fact that the player must make a move means that his position will be significantly weaker than the hypothetical one in which it is his opponent's turn to move. In game theory, it specifically means that it directly changes the outcome of the game from a win to a loss."

From Wikipedia the Free Encyclopedia.

**********

- I -

Okay, before I start ranting, I am going to clarify something, just so there is no misunderstanding further on. Here goes – I am not a good person, okay? So don't expect my story to be one of those, "I am so good, but everyone around me doesn't see it; they could never understand me, yada, yada, yada..." I am trying to be honest – with myself only, by the way – and I don't have any illusions about who I am. Now, I am not a total bitch. I don't get off on making people suffer; I would never hurt someone just for the hell of it only because I was bored out of my skull.  

My name is Gwen Katherine Ryan, I am seventeen, I am pretty, and actually smart. I am not bragging, okay? I am stating the facts. I don't have close friends, never had. Every time someone tries to become my 'friend,' I immediately know it's because of: (A) I am pretty; (B) I am good at almost every subject, so they think if they kiss up to me, they can mooch off as much as possible. There is also a (C) option. My nickname is Ice Queen, and some people think that if they befriend me, it'll immediately raise them to the top of the tots so to speak. "Oh, man! I am friends with the Ice Queen! I must be really cool!"

So yeah, every time someone tries to start a 'friendly' conversation with me, I cut them off right then and there. You know Mulder's motto "Trust no one"? That's my motto as well. And no, I am not going to say it's because I suffered badly in the past and can't trust anyone ever again, or because it has something to do with my family. Nope. My family can easily win the Family of the Decade award. They are friendly, loving, and generous. My parents almost never argue, my brother is a great guy, my grandparents are adorable. It's just me. I don't like people, I hate little kids, I don't care about animals, and I don't love anyone except myself. I mean, of course, I love my family, but I would never sacrifice myself for them.

So there, I am not a good person. Now that I clarified this, I am going to get on with my ranting. The whole thing started in late August, and this is going to sound like a very bad cliché, but it was a dark and stormy night. Sorry, if it was a warm and breezy night, I would've gladly stated that, but seriously, that night was dark and stormy. It was somewhat unusual for August, but all of a sudden, it was raining cats and dogs, thunder was clapping madly, and lightning almost hit the tree in our back yard.

I was sitting by my bedroom window, and thought that tomorrow I would have to go back to school, and thank God, it was my last year in that place. I hated it with the passion. Not the schooling part -- I don't mind studying, I actually like it. Call me crazy, but all the knowledge that I can get into my head, makes me feel superior. What I hated with the passion was the fact that I had to be amongst all those people again. All the drama, and nonsense, and your typical set-up. There was the Nerd (Johnny); the Prom Queen (Tanya) and her sidekicks; the Jock (Carl); the Misfit (Dante); the Freak (Juliana), and the others.

I always try to stay as far away from all their rumors, intrigues, and rants, but sometimes, it's impossible. I don't know why, but those people just can't leave me alone. It's always: "What do you think, Gwen?" "Do you like my dress, Gwen?" "Wanna hang out, Gwen?" "Can you tell that I cut myself last night again, Gwen?"