Alone

17: Maybe it'll get better

"Lizzy." Pietro's said before he fell.
"No!" I yelled as I awoke, sweating, and crying. I looked at the clock and it read 3:55 am. I sighed lying back down trying to forget the dream but failing. Every night I had a dream about Pietro and every night I tried to forget it but was unable to.
I tried to fall back asleep but eventually gave up. I walked over to my desk where a pile of books were. I picked up one of the books that read A Short History Of Nearly Anything and I went to my marked page. I read about math and science. For months I had been learning so one day I could go to school, I fully expected it to be difficult but I seemed to grasp every bit of information that was given to me, whether it was about Calculus or Physics I understood quite well. I had also been taking practice tests on line and I aced all of them. Steve and Tony both said that my hydra file read Intelligence and that is why I understood everything quickly.
I read until the sun came up, and then went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Natasha was already awake and making the coffee. When I entered the room she smiled at me and got me a mug.
"Good-morning!" She said pouring the coffee into my mug.
"Good morning!" I said taking a drink of my coffee. I took a seat on one of the chairs at the counter.
"So today, I'm thinking we practice your combat skills, which your doing great at, and also of course your natural abilities." She said taking a bite of an apple.
"That sounds great! Should I get suited up or just wear regular clothes?" I asked, gathering the darkness and having it surround a banana and move towards me.
"Just regular clothes will be fine. We will meet outside on the field at twelve, okay?" She said throwing the core of the apple away.
"Okay." I said and smiled walking out of the kitchen.
I was now alone in the kitchen, my eyes heavy and tired due to the lack of sleep I had been getting. My mind went over my dream, my heart ached. My fingers automatically went to my necklace opening it traveling to me the once smiling face of my brother. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut to avoid tears. These last couple months had been very hard, and I did not want to bother anyone about it.
"Hey." A voice said behind me stark ring me, before I turned around I grabbed the darkness and turned to quickly push it towards the person. When I saw who it was I immediately let my guard down. It was Tony Stark, I smiled feeling guilty for almost hurting him. "Sorry to startle you. Are you okay?" He said grabbing a mug and turning to me.
"Yeah I'm fine, just was thinking about something's. Sorry about that." I said looking down at my hands.
"How is the reading going?" He asked after a few minutes.
"Oh, it's going great. I finished all the books you gave me. I understand everything they're talking about." I said looking up at him, he smiled as it told him about all that I had learned and how much I enjoyed learning it.
"That's really good! I'll make sure to tell Happy to get you more books and supplies."
"Thank you." I said before taking the last bite of my banana. After a couple seconds Wanda and Steve walked into the kitchen talking about some mission. Wanda walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead.
"Good morning Lizzy, how did you sleep?" She asked sitting down next to me.
"It was fine." I said to quickly. She looked at me for a couple seconds pondering what to say.
"Are you sure?" She asked keeping eye contact.
"Yeah, of course." I said starting to fiddle with my necklace. She slightly shook her head, and sighed.
"Lizzy if you're having nightmares again you can talk to me." She said quietly, but Steve and Tony could hear everything. I the first couple weeks after Pietro died I had been having horrible nightmares waking up screaming, my sister had stressed and worried about it, so I told her they stopped. I suppressed the nightmares and emotions, I had told her they were no longer there, but the truth is they had only gotten worse I have them every night, and if I manage to go back to sleep I have another one. I have lost many hours of sleep due to my nightmares.
"I know." I said giving a slight smile, and standing up. I had to leave the room, I felt the tears come to my eyes and the familiar pit in my stomach that I felt whenever I was going to breakdown or an anxiety attack. I grabbed my coffee and excused myself from the kitchen. I quickly moved to my room shutting the door behind me, locking it. I set my coffee down and sat on the bed. I placed my head in my hands covering my ears and eyes. I took deep breaths trying to gather my strength, I didn't want to cry. My heart ached and stung as my thoughts cruelly filled my consciousness.
"It's okay. It's okay." I said over and over again to myself. I enthrall stood up and walked over it my piano that had been provided by Tony Stark. I sat on the stool, I placed my fingers on the keys and let them lead the way. Whenever I felt pain I came and played the piano, or I wrote or I drew.
As the soft sound of the piano filled the air, it revealed a sad sorrowful tone, full of pain and heartache. I felt my eyes water and a tear roll down my cheek. My eyes wandered around the room while my fingers slowly danced on the keys, my eyes stopped at the picture of my once happy family, my fingers stopped as I stared at the picture. Another tear rolled down my cheek, and it was followed by others.
I stood up and walked to my closet, and opened it. I moved the hangers holding my clothes and revealed a black jacket with white arrows down the sleeves, it was Pietro's. I took it off the hanger, holding it in my hands staring at it. I walked over to my bed and sat down. The treats still rolling down my cheeks.