Beloved

11.

'You should wear pink more often' Haya complimented me when she saw me in the dress that she picked out for me last night.

'And you should be eating your breakfast quickly so you're not late for school' I packed her lunch box and put it in her school bag.

'When is he coming to pick you up?' She asked me about Mr.Hamza.

'Don't know' I told her and sat next to her.

'You are wearing your ring' She gave me a disappointing look.

'I felt like wearing it' I looked at it, it was a bit lose.

'You decided to wear your engagement ring today out of all days?' She pulled her eyebrows together and put her plate to the side.

'I can wear it whenever I want. Come on, your friends must be waiting for you, get going' I hurried her, so she doesn't ask me any more questions. Truth was, I was wearing my engagement ring for Mr.Hamza, so when he sees me with my engagement ring, his conception about my relationship with Zaid comes to an end. I didn't want him to think about me, or my relationship, or my wedding. After Haya left, I cleaned the kitchen and watered the planets in the yard. After I finished all the house chores, I grabbed a book from the bookshelf in the living room and took a seat outside in the porch with a cup of tea. I got sucked into a book so much that I didn't even hear Mr.Hamza's car coming.

'Ayat' I heard his voice first, when I looked up from the book, I found him standing next to his car looking intently in my direction.

'Mr. Hamza' I got up and waited for him as he came closer.

'Were you waiting for me?' He slightly smiled at me.

'No, I was reading a book' I said right away.

'It's freezing outside' He said the subject.

'I like reading outside' I replied.

'In the cold?' He pulled his eyebrow and examined my face, as though he was mocking me.

'Yes...I'll go get my bag' I told him and went inside to grab my bag and something that I thought Mr.Hamza and his mother would like. Mr.Hamza was already in his car waiting for me when I came back outside.

'Haya is okay?' Mr.Hamza asked a while after he started driving.

'Yes, she is doing much better now...I am sorry I bothered you, I could have just come on my own instead of you coming over to pick me up' I looked over at him.

He remained quiet.

'I spoke to Karim...he told me you're planning to drop out of the program' His jaw tightened when he said that.

'Actually I...' I started to speak but he stopped me.

'I was wrong about you...I thought you were a strong girl when I first met you and now when I look at you, I see nothing but a weak helpless girl' He said bitterly. I was so stunned by his words that I had no idea what to say.

'What are you saying?' I asked him. I had no idea why he was saying such things to me?

'Just because your parents are no longer with you, doesn't mean you have to stop living your life' He said in a rasping tone.

'I don't know what you're talking about...look, if you don't want to see me or talk to me, please stop the car...I will leave' I clenched my bag and looked out of the window. I didn't want to cry in front of him, if someone else would have said those words to me, it wouldn't have made much difference but somehow his words caused a sharped pain in my chest.

'I am not leaving the program' I said slowly but he didn't say anything. I turned around and saw him looking ahead completely lost in his thoughts.

'I said I am not leaving the program' I said a bit loudly this time and this time I knew he heard me because as soon as I said that, his eyes quickly moved from the road toward me and stayed on me for a good few seconds. But again, he didn't say anything. He returned his gaze to the road and continued to drive in silence. I turned my head to the side to prevent myself from looking at him.