Lock and Key || Paul Lahote ~ DISCONTINUED

\\ chapter 12 \\

I stare at Elijah as he sleeps on the bed, his arms stretched above him. I tiredly rub my face and tip toe to the armchair, carefully lowering myself into it. How do women do this alone? How do they get up night after night, hour after hour? While his screams pain my heart, they also make me want to scream in frustration. Sometimes he just screams for no reason. No. Reason. At. All.

I lean my head back and close my eyes with a sigh, instantly close to sleep... my head shoots up as Elijah begins to loudly cry again, his face instantly red. I tear. "WHAT! What do you want from me!?" I sob and put my head in my hands, crying too.

I'm a literal mess. I cry for a few minutes before I pick him up and begin to bounce him, rubbing his back at the same time incase he needs winding. I wipe the tears away angrily, fed up and exhausted more so than I have ever been. My boobs hurt. My vagina hurts. My head throbs. I just want a bath without a crying baby beside me in a bassinet.

I stare at the picture of me and mom on the dresser. "How did you do this?" I whisper as tears stream. "How did you do this twice? I miss you mommy."

And then it dawns on me - I need my mommy. I give in and let the baby feed, tucking a blanket over him to cover my boob; my nurse would go mental. Apparently he shouldn't cluster feed, he needs regular feeding every 3 hours and if he doesn't drink enough he has to wait for his next feed. But right now it's the only way to shut him up.

I wipe my cheeks as I hold my phone to my ear, bouncing him around as I wait for it to ring. After a moment a confused voice answers. "Hello?"

"Mommy..." I whisper.

"R-Robyn!?" She gasps.

I burst into tears. "I wanna come home mommy I need your help." I cry.

"Shh shh baby it's okay." She coos and sniffles - great I made my momma cry. "Come home to me, please please come home."

"I will. You're not mad?" I whisper, my heart racing. I look down at Elijah for a moment. "And you won't be mad when I surprise you with something?"

"I could never be mad at you sweetheart, there's a reason you left and it must've been important. Come home, let's talk, let's get past this. Okay?"

-

I look over at the car seat and see Elijah fast asleep - of course you're asleep now you little shit, you screamed the first half of the drive. I turn onto the res and notice out of the window a grey wolf running along the tree lines - Leah obviously caught me. Great, now Jacob and Embry and Paul will know I'm back.

I sigh and turn into mom's drive way, the door instantly opening. I smile tiredly as I climb out, closing the door as she instantly pulls me into a hug. "Hi mommy." I whisper and gently pull away. "Give me a sec."

I walk around the truck and put the diaper bag on my shoulder, unclipping the car seat and lifting it out. Mom covers her mouth as she tears, seeing the chubby sleeping face of my little man. "When..."

"About a week ago... I'm sorry I left." I smile nervously.

"This is what you need help with." She whispers in realisation. I nod small and she takes the carsear from me, taking my hand and walking us inside. "C'mon sweetheart. What's been going on?"

"He just... cries." I whisper as I tear and sit beside her on the couch. Elijah stays asleep in his car seat that she rests on the coffee table.

"Is he feeding enough?" She tucks my hair back and wipes a tear from my cheek.

I shrug and wipe the few others that fall. "I don't know. I'm not meant to feed him if he's just fed - he needs routine."

"Oh bullshit." Mom rolls her eyes - she never swears. "You feed him when he wants it, even if that's every hour."