Personal Assistant: Limited Edition[MXM]✔

Chapter 29

29.

Ross

Fall leaves were dancing.

The sky was so blue you could drown in it.

The yellowness of the leaves radiated warmth.

The warmth couldn't traverse into the room below it. It was trapped in the mural that overlooked the living room, and so were the leaves and the sky that looked so bright. My eyes were fixed on the mural as my eyelids repeatedly closed and opened.

I didn't want to cry again. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I didn't want to let them fall. I felt cold. I felt desolate. I'd run away from moments like these but they had caught up. I didn't want to go through it again.

Nasir said we needed to talk so I'd followed him into the living room. The rain had brought the coldness of the nights back and Nasir thought the living room was warmer. The heater was on. It didn't feel warm at all.

Maybe it was the knowledge of the situation which created a barrier around me so the warmth couldn't reach me. Talking to Sebastian had helped but it hadn't erased what the situation was.

Nasir looked frail. I'd avoided him ever since he'd told me he was dying. I'd avoided even thinking about him. I'd decided not to avoid him anymore but it wasn't easy.

"So..." he started talking. He was sitting on the couch next to me.

My breath got caught in my throat on account of the lump I suddenly felt in my throat. I coughed. I didn't want to be in that cold lifeless room.

"I know you don't want to talk about this, but Ross it's not healthy," he said.

I looked down at my lap. "I don't want to talk about it, but I know I have to. I'm sorry I just said okay when you told me."

"It's okay. I know you enough to know you hadn't processed it and therefore your reaction held no meaning," he said.

"Are you sure there's nothing they can do? Maybe there's something they can try," I said desperately.

"It's spread extensively for surgery. Chemotherapy would maybe give me one more month but that means a lot of side-effects that would just make me feel crappier. It could also kill me sooner," he said. He'd of course told me all that before. He should have been frustrated he had to repeat it, but he wasn't. He was calm through everything.

"How are you so calm Nasir?"

"Because I've lived a fulfilling life," he said slowly.

I raised a brow.

"There was a time when my life was crap but I came here. Being here made me happy. You made me happy...except the times I wanted to strangle you," he said and chuckled. "I don't regret being here."

"You mean that?"

"Of course! You know I love you, right?"

I nodded. It was an opportunity to tell him I loved him but I didn't. I couldn't say the words.

"That's why I'm not impressed with you running off and getting into fights," he said sternly.

I narrowed my eyes. "How did you know I was in a fight?"

He pointed to his eyebrow.

"Oh right. But you just assumed I was in a fight. What if I fell and h..." I said and he chuckled while shaking his head. I chuckled too. "Okay I was in a fight. I don't think we can call it a fight when the other person doesn't fight back."