More Than a One Time Thing (Harringrove)

Apologize

Billy dropped Max off and sat in his car, contemplating on what to do. He knew what he wanted to do was go on to Steve's and have their usual hook up session, but he could feel that it was going to be different that time around. He didn't know how to handle it.

He didn't know how to be a good person. Max's advice for him as she got out of the car was to go apologize to Lucas first. Billy sighed because the better part of him knew she was right. With a couple deep breaths he used Max's directions and went on to the Sinclair house.

He didn't know what he was going to say exactly, but that didn't stop him from knocking on the door. He hoped his parents wouldn't answer the door simply because he didn't feel like being charming in that moment. Thankfully, it was Lucas that answered. Or not, seeing the glare the boy had on his face.

"If you're here to try to hit me again I'll call the police." Lucas said through the barely opened door. Billy sighed and ran his fingers through his curly mullet.

"I'm not gonna hit you. I just wanna talk." For a split second, Billy saw fear in Lucas' eyes. But it was just for a second and then he put a brave face on and nodded his head. He stepped out onto his porch and shut the door behind him.

Billy shut his eyes and took in a deep breath. He had no idea what to say to make it better, so he just decided to be honest. Even if it made him look horrible, he had to start being honest if things were going to get better.

"I could stand right here and tell you all day that my father made me the way I am, and yeah, that'd be mostly true. But I'm aware of the fact that I'm my own person, and should take responsibility when I fuck up. And I fucked up when I decided to lay a hand on a kid. What I'm tryin' to say is.." Billy watched at his face changed from guarded to skeptical. Billy supposed it was a good thing, so he kept going.

"I'm sorry, Lucas."

Sinclair considered it for a moment. He paced back and forth and Billy tried his hardest not to groan and roll his eyes. He let Lucas take his time to decide whether or not he accepted the apology or not. Even if he didn't, Billy knew he at least tried, and would still continue to try to do better in the future. Try, being the key word in Billy's mind.

"Okay. Fine." Lucas said as he finally stood still. He crossed his arms as a smirk crept across his lips. "I'll accept your apology if you give me a ride home and to the arcade for.. a month."

"A week." Billy wagered as he pulled out a  cigarette and his lighter.

"Two weeks. Final offer." Billy sighed in defeat at that, and gave in. Lucas had a smug look on his face as he turned to his front door.

"Tell Max hey for me." He said as he shut the door behind him. Billy found himself chuckling as he blew out smoke. When he got into his car he thought about Steve. He thought about how much he wanted to tell him how he felt. It seemed silly to Billy that he could apologize for being a racist shit head but not be able to tell someone you've fallen in love with them.

He took in another drag and let it out. Billy knew he'd need something stronger than a cigarette to get him through that. And so he drove to Tommy H's house and knocked on his door.

"Look who it is, the big and the bad Billy Har-"

"Imma need you to shut the fuck up and give me a gram, okay, Tommy?" Billy interrupted with his not so friendly grin. Tommy stammered for a short moment but nodded his head. Billy waited outside and thought about how stupid it was to be doing that. It just helped with his anxiety sometimes. He held on to that thought as he paid and stuffed the baggie in his pocket.

It was already dark by the time he pulled into Steve's driveway. There were no other cars as usual. His parents had been back the week before but they soon got called into another business trip. Billy knew that Steve didn't really like being alone, but he pushed through. Billy hated to think about what happens when he wakes up alone after a nightmare.

It probably wasn't a smart thing to be pulling out his weed and his pipe from his glove compartment. But it was too dark outside for anyone to notice and there was a good distance between Steve's house and his neighbors so he figured he'd be fine.

The first hit hurt. It'd been awhile since he last smoked. The second hit was fine, but by the third he felt a nice buzz. He got two more in before he finally felt ready. His anxiety was gone and he felt as though he floated all the way to the door. He didn't even realize how hard he had been knocking until an annoyed Steve Harrington harshly pulled the door open.

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