Everlong

4

The drive home from Alex's grave was silent. Brian hadn't said a word to me since he found out that I was married. We pulled up to my house and he parked his car in the driveway. We sat in silence and I looked over at him. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I sighed and got out of the car and went inside. I went upstairs to change into comfy clothes and when I looked outside, his jeep was gone. I felt tears come to my eyes, but I refuse to let Brian Quinn make me cry. I went to the kitchen and pulled out stuff to make dinner, opening a bottle of wine as I did. Pretty soon I had baked chicken and an entire bottle of wine gone. I opened up another bottle and ate my dinner in silence. Once dinner was done, and another bottle was gone, I stumbled into the living room. I turned on the tv and watched the last thing that was played on my tv. Batman. I just watched the movie and wished that he was holding me. 

3 weeks had passed since I have seen or heard from Brian. That's okay, it's not like we were together anyways. I had just been focusing on work. I went to go see my brother a few times. They didn't let me see him the first month, due to him being in detox. He's miserable and scared there, but it's what he deserves. I do miss being able to hug him though. When I got home after 3 weeks had passed, I tried calling Brian. When he picked up and heard my voice, he hung up. I had been doing really good up until that moment. After that, I just cried. I was falling for him, and now he's not here to catch me. The only person I had was my partner, and even he didn't have time for me anymore. His wife just had a baby and he was taking time off. I went and sat at Alex's grave every day until it got too dark out to see. At first, I would talk to him. Tell him how things were going. And then it turned into me ranting about Brian. And now, I just sit and stare. For years all I ever wished for was for Alex to be back with me. But now, all I wish is for Brian to be here. And that fucking terrifies me. I don't want to be in love with anyone other than my husband. But he's dead, and nothing I can do will ever bring him back.

I was sitting alone at home, watching some random show trying to not think about him. He invaded my every thought. It has now been an entire month, and I just have to accept the fact that I lost him. I was about to head up to bed when I heard someone knocking at my front door. I went over and opened it to see the one person I didn't think it would be. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked him in disbelief. 

"Honestly, I don't know." He answered in his husky voice. "But I missed you so much 'Brina." 

"Yeah, I missed you too Brian. That's why I tried calling you. But you hung up on me." He hung his head in shame. 

"I know. And it was a really shitty thing for me to do. But I needed space and some time. I mean, you probably would too if you found out that I was married and didn't tell you."

"Please don't turn this around on me. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the full story of Alex and me, but that was one of the hardest things I have ever had to tell someone. Yes, I was married. I got married when we turned 18 so they wouldn't separate us when we got drafted. I loved him so fucking much, that it breaks my heart every day. But he's not you." I whispered the last part.

"What do you mean, he's not me?" Brian looked me in the eyes as he asked me that.

"He's not you. I loved him but-" I took a deep breath. "But I didn't think I'd ever have feelings for someone ever again. But this whole last month has destroyed me. I thought you hated me." He walked up to me and pulled me close to him. 

"I could never hate you." He whispered before crashing his lips into mine. I happily kissed him back and we moved over to my couch, discarding our clothes in the process. I sat him down and straddled his lap, feeling him enter into me. I slowly worked my way up and down as he moaned into my skin. His hands reached around and grasped my ass, kissing all over my neck and chest. 

"I've missed you." He moaned into my skin as he finally released. I cupped his face into my hands and kissed him tenderly. 

"I've missed you too."