Everlong

14

(That's what Sabrina looks like if you were curious. Just a little younger looking.)

3 months later, I was back in Iraq and I was missing home more than I ever did. I just wanted to be with my babies and with my family. I'm sitting at the computer in my tent, waiting for our weekly Skype call. I had been waiting all week to talk to Brian after Joe had sent me my care package. There were some things that we needed to talk about. I was staring down at the picture I had of Brian and I in the hospital after the twins were born. I heard the incoming Skype call come through and I got excited. When the call went through, the only person I saw was Brian. He smiled at me and I felt my heart get full.

"Where's my babies?" I asked him. 

"They're playing. We have stuff we need to talk about this week." He told me, getting serious. 

"Why can't I see my kids?" 

"I just wanted to talk before so that we don't get distracted." He rubbed the back of his neck. He looked nervous.

"What's going on, Brian?" He sighed.

"April and I have decided to put the wedding back on." He said slowly, not meeting my eyes. I felt my body get heavy with sadness. I put on a fake smile.

"Oh. That's awesome, Brian. I'm so happy for you guys." I choked out. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I took a deep breath, trying to breathe through the heaviness in my chest.

"'Brina." I heard Brian softly say. "I'm sorry." I laughed quietly. 

"You're not sorry." I looked into his eyes. "You're not sorry, and that's alright."

"That's not fair." He said to me.

"If you were sorry, you wouldn't be doing this. And you know that. You're a better man than this." 

"It's not like I want to do this. It's more complicated than that," he paused to take a big breath. "I have to do this."

"Brian, what did you do?" 

"It's April. She's pregnant. And it's my baby. I need to be there for her." 

I suddenly forgot how to breathe.

"Sabrina. Please say something. Even if it's just to yell at me."

"I'm pregnant." I told him. "And I'm coming home in a couple days." It was his turn to not say anything.

"Is it mine?" He whispered. I just nodded and I swear I saw him smile for a second. And then reality hit him. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

"Like I said, I'll be home in a couple days and then we can talk. I gotta go. Please kiss my babies for me." I quickly shut off Skype and laid my head on my arm and cried. I hadn't felt good for a couple months and even though I was working out like crazy at camp, I still was feeling bloated and had gained a few pounds. It wasn't until I started throwing up that I had started to put 2 and 2 together. I asked Joe to send me some stuff. A couple pregnancy tests, some prenatals just in case, and some nausea meds. When the test came back positive, I went straight to my Sergeant and told him. He told me that I was being sent home as soon as possible.

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When the plane touched down in New York, it felt different than it did 3 months ago when I was home last. As I walked through the airport I was trying to not throw up. It was late at night so there was barely any people around. I got to baggage claim and I only saw Murr, Joe and Sal. Brian must be with the twins. Each of the boys pulled me into a hug.

"I don't know if Brian told you guys, but I'm pregnant." I looked at the boys' faces and they didn't seem that shocked.

"Yeah. He got shit faced after he got off video chat with you the other night. He showed up to my house and told me everything. You being pregnant, April being pregnant and your night together before you left." Sal told me with sad eyes. I just nodded. Joe pulled me into another hug and rubbed my back as I cried into him. Stupid hormones.

By the time we got to Sal's house, it was 2am. Way too late for the twins to be awake, and I didn't want to face Brian yet. I really didn't know what I was going to say to him. The 4 of us silently walked into the house and I went straight for the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stripped out of my clothes. As I waited for the water to heat up, I stared at my bump in the mirror. I really don't know how I didn't notice it. Maybe I was in denial. I'm showing sooner than I was with the twins. But thats normal if you have another child.

When I left the bathroom in my pajama pants and tee shirt, I could hear the guys laughing in the living room. When I walked in, they had stopped talking and smiled at me. Murr and Sal were drinking beers. Joe a root beer. I sat down next to Joe and laid my head on his shoulder. We laughed and talked until around 4 am when we heard a knock on the front door. We all shared the same look of confusion and Sal went to the door. He opened it and stepped out of the way so I could see Brian. I stood up and Brian looked at me. I excused myself and went to the door. I followed Brian out of the house and to his Jeep. He stopped walking and turned around to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and he had dark circles. He pulled me into a hug and I haven't felt this at home in a while. I breathed in his scent. My favorite smell in the world. He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes.

"What are we going to do?" He asked me.

"I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going to raise this baby." He nodded. "Have you told her yet?"

"No." He admitted. "I'm terrified. I can't lose her. It would kill me." I felt tears come to my eyes.

"I'm happy to know where your priorities lie." I wipped away my tears.

"Hey, that's not fair. She's pregnant with my baby."

"What about me?!" I practically yelled. "I am the mother of your two children, and I too am pregnant with your baby!" I walked away from him and back into the house. I went straight to bed.