Everlong

9

I am 8 months pregnant, 1 week away from being 9 months. I don't remember the last time I saw my feet. I can't remember what it felt like to not have two tiny humans growing inside of me. Even when I am exhausted and tired of feeling like they're fighting to the death inside of me and pushing each other into my ribs, I wouldn't give it up for the world. 

Today is the day that I say goodbye to my squad for the next 3 months. When I finally had told my captain that I was 4 months pregnant, at first he was mad that I didn't tell him sooner. He said that I could've been put in a bad situation on the job that could've cost my children's lives. But once he calmed down, he was very happy for me. He put me to work in the evidence room. And that's where I've been the last 4 months. I'm ready to be a cop again, but I'm more ready to be a mom.

After the day I called Brian to tell him that I was pregnant with twins, he had seemed like he was more accepting of the fact that we were having kids. He still didn't want to be involved, I had made it very clear to him that if he wanted to be in their lives, he had to keep that decision. I wasn't going to let him come in and out of their lives whenever he felt like it. He told me that he understood and that for right now he was going to just stay out. He didn't go to any appointments with me, and he's only ever seen the first sonogram and the sonogram that Joe and Sal had gotten for my gender reveal. I haven't seen him in person since I was 2 months pregnant, and I think that makes it easier for both of us. I love him with my whole heart, and I know he loves me too. It has been so hard without him. 

Joe, Sal, and Murr have made it a lot easier though. The three of them helped me put together the twins' nursery. Joe had gotten all the things from his job. They have come to every appointment, to which it's now a joke with my doctor on who the real father is. She said that the twins might come out looking more like those three than Brian. 

When I went to go see my brother, I was 5 months pregnant. I was sporting a cute bump, and I thought it was time to tell at least one family member. He was pissed when I told him that I was going to be raising two babies without a father, but then I told him about the guys and he calmed down. I explained to him why Brian didn't want to be involved and that I wasn't going to be alone. He asked me if I was going to tell my parents and our sister. I had just laughed. There was no way in Hell that I was going to tell my family about this. In my eyes, they didn't deserve to know about my children.

Today was really difficult saying goodbye to everyone for 3 months. My squad is my family. I came home and was dragging my feet, I was so exhausted. I decided that I needed to just go straight to bed. I fell asleep after I laid my head down, but got woken up a couple hours later by immense pain and pressure in my back and stomach. I turned on my light and called the first number I could.

"What's going on?" Sal's groggy voice answered.

"I'm in labor and need someone to come get me." 

2 hours later, I was strapped to machines and an I.V. Murr is passed out in a chair, while Joe and Sal were quietly talking to each other. I have my eyes closed, trying to maybe get some rest. They gave me an epidural about 20 minutes ago, so I'm hoping I can fall asleep until it's time. I still had my eyes closed when I heard someone knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" I heard his deep voice ask. I quickly opened my eyes and looked at Brian.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"No matter what, I'm here for you. I would never forgive myself if I missed this." He came over to me and sat down in the chair that was by my bed. He grabbed my hand and softly kissed it.

When the doctor came back to see how I was doing, it had been another 5 hours. I was exhausted and tired of being in labor. She checked my cervix and wasn't very happy.

"Sabrina, I think we need to start talking about a cesarean. You're not progressing at all and I'm worried that it's putting the babies in distress. After that, they were preparing me for surgery. I did not want to have a c-section and Sal knew that.

"You're going to be great, kid. Just think, you'll have your perfect little babies when you are done." He kissed the side of my head and I smiled at him. Joe gave me a hug and Murr told me good luck. I turned to Brian.

"Are you coming with?" Brian nodded his head and the nurse started pushing my bed towards the O.R. Brian held my hand the entire time. Once we got there, they put the sheet above my chest so we couldn't see anything. Brian sat near my head and held my hand. He kept kissing it and kissing my forehead. All he kept saying was that he was proud of me and that he loved me. I was pretty out of it, but I could feel a bunch of pressure. Soon, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. The sound of two cries. I looked at Brian when I heard it, and I could see the mixed emotions on his face. 

The four of us are back in my hospital room. I had our son in my arms and Brian had our daughter. He was sitting next to me on the bed. We had been staring at their faces for hours now, not really saying anything. We heard knocks on the door on when we looked up, Joe, Sal, and Murr were standing at the door, huge smiles on their faces.

"Get in here," I laughed at them when I saw their goofy smiles. The guys took turns holding both babies.

"Wow. Q, they look just like you." Joe commented when he was holding the twins. I glanced at Brian, and he was smiling. 

"Are you finally going to tell us their names?" Murr impatiently asked me. He had been hounding me since the reveal party. Brian looked at me when Murr asked me their names. Even Brian didn't know his children's names.

"Alice Ophelia Quinn and Jack Michael Quinn." 

"Alice and Jack." I heard Brian whisper. He had a smile on his face. "I like that," he turned to me and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Sabrina Renee Cooper." He whispered to me.

"I love you too, Brian Michael Quinn."