Bubble Wrap

chapter eighteen

The feeling of Luke's skin against mine lingers on my skin, even a few days later. I can't seem to shake him and I don't know if I want to. He left me confused. More confused than I've ever been. It was different than last time. It felt like we were saying more than the times before. Something we can't take back.

It felt like there was a hidden message between each kiss I hadn't expected and I wish I could turn my thoughts back, but know I have to make a decision. I can't sway in this space forever. I need to decide.

About him.

About my life.

About what I want.

It shouldn't be this complicated, and maybe that's because I'm the one complicating them. Maybe his signs have been clear as day, but for the first time in my life, it's the only thing I can't read. I can't face him. Not yet. And so, instead of being adult about it and facing him head on, I've been doing the opposite. Taking a cue from all the stories I've read and putting them into action. Eventually, I'll have to face him, but I'm not there yet.

I need space to catch my breath. To make the right decision.

"Hey Mags," I say with an excited grin as I hurry towards the reception desk, clutching the manuscript pages tightly to my chest. "I got my hands on a copy of that book for you."

"Oh, give me." She turns in her chair and extends her hands out to me, just as eager to have it in her grasp. "I expect this to be as good as you've hyped it up to be."

"It won't disappoint," I tell her as I give it to her. "It's the perfect mix of heartbreak and hopefulness."

She smiles as her eyes drop to the cover page, blank except for the book title and the email I reached out to. My hope diminishing with each second that they don't take me up on my meeting offer. A fear creeps into my head as her lips part, the excitement and fear fading when her face falls slack.

"I'm going to kill him," she mumbles, tossing the pages on the desk in front of me.

My brows furrow together as I look at her. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't need to read this," she says and before I can question her, she's giving me the answer. "I wrote it."

"What?" I ask, my excitement bubbling up again with the information. "Why didn't you just give it to me? I would have read it in the heartbeat."

"That's exactly why," she says as she shakes her head, running her fingers into her hair. "And I didn't submit it at all. Zane must have."

"Maggie, it's so good!" I try to make the best of a bad situation. "We want to publish it."

"No," she says, shaking her head. "You were never supposed to read it in the first place, Emery. I don't want this out there and I don't want you giving it to anymore people."

"Maggie, I get that you didn't want it out there but it's–"

"How about instead of lecturing me, you deal with your Luke drama?" she questions, turning it around on me and I know it's her anger for the book being out in the world without her permission talking but her tone makes the words sharper than I want them. "You like him, Emery. Just accept it and own it, instead of acting like a child."

Holding my breath, I calm myself down and pull the manuscript to my chest. I press my lips together in a thin line and say, "I get that you're upset, but that was uncalled for."

A curl of guilt blooms in my stomach as I walk toward my office. Even if Maggie's right, it still hurts the way she said it and I wish I had admitted it to myself instead of her saying it to my face. I can't keep avoiding him, hoping that the realization that there's something between us will go away. It won't go away. It'll linger until I'm drowning in it.