A short Reader x Bucky romance!
Takes place in an AU post Winter Soldier (also post Age of Ultron), where Bucky was found and brought back to be a part of the Avengers while they work to squash pieces of HYDRA that are surviving underground.
#1 in...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
You hit that punching bag until your arms ached and your shins were numb before heading upstairs for a shower and some wise council. Unfortunately, the wise council caught you right off the elevator and you didn't have time for that shower you were so desperately aching for. Nat and Wanda each grabbed one of your arms.
"You, were remarkable." Natasha was beaming. "You know I am so proud?" You sat down on the couch between the two of them, looking at Nat and then Wanda before burying your face in your still wrapped hands.
"Guys I think I've caught feelings." Wanda perked up.
"I should have seen it coming. What happened?" You sighed, noticing the apprehensive look on Nat's face.
"Look, Nat, I know you're concerned about this, but I don't even know what's going on but...he almost kissed me, and then he just freaked out and walked off. Like, I don't know what to think but it upset me. A lot actually. Like, I'm shocked." They nodded and Wanda held your hand comfortingly. "I think I just need a shower and some sleep." You admitted, dragging your weary body to your room.
It took hours for you to fall asleep. Of course, it was only 7:00 when you hit the sheets, but considering the kind of day you had, it wasn't characteristic. When you did fall asleep it was fitful and you hated the thought of having to get up early to train with Steve. Instead of laying around not sleeping you decided to go down to the bar and pour yourself a drink, hoping it would lull you to sleep. Dead tired, you fumbled your way through the wine rack trying to decide what you want when the beer fridge opened beside you. His metal arm reflected the light of the refrigerator like a beacon.
"Why you up so late Buck?" You saw him shrug out of the corner of your eye.
"Almost always am," he confessed with a sigh. Looking up at him you realized just how sad a weary he looked.
Does he look like that all the time? Lordy he does a good job covering it up.
He reached down and grabbed your favourite wine from the rack and pulled you up from your seat on the floor before filling you a glass.
"Couldn't sleep?" he asked, curiosity tinging his sharp features. You shook you head.
"Not one bit." You walked over to take a seat on the couch in silence. He cleared his throat gently.
"I'm sorry about earlier I-" he trailed off, as if he wasn't fully sure about what he was saying. "I acted instinctively without knowing your feelings and even if I did know exactly how you felt it wouldn't have been right." He tore his gaze off you, looking down through the neck of his beer bottle.
"How so?" You raised an eyebrow in inquiry. It was time for pushing. You'd been friends for a while, if you were going to break the ice now was the time. He took a deep breath.
"You don't know everything about me," he raised his eyes to meet yours. "And while that's nice in some ways, it's no foundation to build a friendship on let alone...something more complicated." You nodded in agreement, taking a sip of your wine.
"Hit me," you met his gaze expectantly. When he hesitated you continued. "I know that HYDRA made you into a weapon and used you do whatever they wanted you to do. I also know that your memory was wiped. You were fully under their control and completely not you. We can skip that part. I've got the basics. Tell me about this Bucky. The Bucky that I know." You reached out and put your hand over his heart, holding it there for a few long seconds before pulling it back to rest reassuringly on his knee.
"I have these...I don't know how to say it. They're not nightmares, really, they're memories that come flooding back to me in my dreams," he fought to keep his composure, getting a far off look in his eyes. "All of the unforgivable things I've done to people. Real live people that didn't deserve to die, not how they did. And I get so angry every time I think about what they did to me. I get angry about what I did. Sometimes I lose control." He sighed deeply and looked down before looking back up at you. "I don't even remember everything about who I was before. It comes back in pieces. But...it's far from enough. I'm scared to sleep, I'm angry so often and I can't fix all the pain I've inflicted." A tear slid down his cheek and you put your wine glass down. "Sometimes they're nightmares," he admitted, taking a shaky breath. "They're so real I - dream I'm killing the people I love and it's tearing me apart." Sliding closer to him you drew him close to you, resting his head against your chest as he wrapped his arms around you and cried.
