When The Light Comes | Bucky x Reader

~15~

You hated how scared and sad he looked as he held you in his arms. You hated the anger flashing behind all of his sadness. Reaching out your arm you gently ran your fingertips along the seam where his metal arm was fused with his skin. He flinched and started to pull away when you first made contact. You looked up into his eyes. 

"I trust you Buck." Your words seemed to mollify him and you rested your head on his chest, continuing to trace the ugly mess of scar tissue. It pulled at your heart until you felt it sitting in your throat. You tried to swallow it unsuccessfully, choking out a sob and feeling his arms tighten around you. 

"What did they do to you." You took a deep breath to control your tears. The two of you sat until you heard footsteps down the hall. You knew it would be Steve showing up for your morning session, and slid off Bucky's lap, coming to sit cross-legged in front of him. Moments later Steve walked in, stopping abruptly when he saw both of you. 

"Wow you all look like shit." Bucky gulped and turned to look up at Steve. He recognized the look immediately and came to his friends side. "Oh Buck...how bad? Why didn't you come to me?" 

"I didn't want to wake everyone up." He shot a sidelong look at you. "The only reason she -" he trailed off stealing a glance at your wrists. Running his hands through his hair. "She just wanted to help." Steve followed his glance and gathered your hands in his, looking at the bruising, his lips forming a hard line. 

"(y/n), let's get you in bed to get some sleep. Buck, why don't you go shower. I'll come see you in a few." You smiled at Steve and reached out to squeeze Bucky's hand reassuringly before being helped to your feet. Steve walked with you in silence, his arm looped in yours. The most perfect, gentlemanly escort. 

"Can I come in?" You nodded, opening your door and letting him in. You crawled under your sheets and he tucked your blanket up under your chin as he sat down beside you. 

"I know he didn't mean to do it." Steve nodded, looking down at you, resting his hand on the top of your head. 

"I know." He exhaled deeply. "It just looks so bad. Is the wrists all?" You pursed your lips, knowing he'd find out sooner or later. He'd become like a brother to you. You shook your head, pushing the blanket off, lifting your shirt up to reveal a series of finger like marks all along your ribs and back. 

"It's not that bad Steve." He shook his head in disbelief, gently touching the marks on your side. 

"He was this bad?" You nodded. You were too exhausted to cry, but you would have.

"He screamed the whole night Steve. He screamed so much he barely has a voice anymore, and when he wasn't screaming he was crying. How often does it happen? I can't even imagine what he's going through, I'm exhausted." 

"About once a month. Sometimes more often." He hesitated. "I love him. He's my brother, and I hate seeing him like this. But I also care about you. You just can't put yourself in harms way like this. We need to figure something out." He ran his thumb across his bottom lip. You looked at him.

"Is there something I'm missing here?" You looked at him, puzzled as he leaned over his knees, resting his chin on his hands. 

"Yeah. You're missing that your heart is way bigger than your brain." You swallowed a snappy comment. It wasn't exactly a compliment, but it wasn't an insult either. "You can't tell me that you don't see what's going on here. You have to be able to see what you're getting yourself into, you're intelligent and beautiful and you have a golden personality." You rolled onto your back, staring at the ceiling. 

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him and that it isn't possible for that to be affecting my better judgement."

"You've seen him. He's a great guy, but he's also not exactly stable." He rubbed his hands together and turned his gaze to you. "If something happens between you two...I don't know how to say this...but we need a system. I don't care if it's him or HYDRA in his head, the minute he leaves you looking like that it's abuse, and it's not right. You call me." You nodded.

"I will," you choked out as your eyes welled with tears. "We're all he has. I don't know how to help him." You whispered the last part, laying your hand on Steve's leg. He covered your hand with his.

"You're not helping him by putting yourself in a position he can hurt you in." He planted a kiss on your forehead and shut your light out. "I'll bring you lunch, and I'll wake you up for dinner."

Steve let himself into Bucky's room and was instantly embraced by his best friend. He cried into the Captain's shoulder.

"She's okay, Buck," he comforted his friend. "You're safe, and so is she. Get some sleep."