Knot Your Lover

Chapter 1

"Deep breaths. Deep breaths" she tried to remind herself as she got out of bed that morning. 

Sleep hadn't come easy the past few months. Eating was the hardest thing to do. So was getting out of bed. 

"I don't know how long I can keep being this strong." she whispered to herself. 

Kassia was struggling to bear the weight of her break up to her ex after a three-year relationship. He broke up with her while he hid out in his mother's house on Valentine's day. 

He lost interest in her 'lack of motivation' and resorted to talking to other women. Till he got caught.

"You're not the person I thought you were. You're not progressing with your life and are going nowhere," he said harshly, like a coward that dropped out of school, coddled by his mother. 

She had to stop that memory from coming back because it always made her want to crawl back into bed and cry. 

All those times she stood up for him when he lost his job and wouldn't work a regular job to pay the bills. Instead, he played poker hoping to score the jackpot. 

When she hit a slump trying to get to her goals, he didn't like it. 

It was bad enough Kassia was alone in the country, being an immigrant from a different country meant that he had kicked her to the curb with no empathy at all. He forgot all the times she took care of her when he got high on ecstasy several times. 

There's nothing more hurtful that someone who said they care for you, but never follows through. 

The pain Kassia felt the past 6 months hadn't eased much. 

She struggled hard to see where she was now. After the nasty break up she had some saviors from her home country take her in and she camped out in a dining room, working 5 jobs and going to school. 

Within 6 months, she got hired by Goldman and Sachs and she was head project accountant. Yet there she was still mulling over a loser who clearly didn't care.

She reminded herself that she needed to be better than Bryan and his future partner combined. By no means was she actually a loser. 

Kassia survived but her loving heart was so big and was always her downfall. All she ever wanted was to let go of the pain and let light back into her life. 

Moving away from home was her choice, and she never in her life wanted more than to go home and hide out in her shared bedroom with her sisters. 

There were times she contemplated walking into traffic because the emptiness was overwhelming. The low ringing at the base of her stomach.

"I'll show you what it means not to care." was the last thing he said to her. 

Makes you wonder what type of person says that. 

She took a deep puff from the joint she had rolled hoping it would relieve the anxiety that ran through her. 

Her phone lit up and "DADDY" popped up. She immediately made sure there were no signs of smoke and she tried not to look high as fuck. 

"Baba!" she managed to crack a smile. The problem with Kassia, was she tried to carry the world on her shoulders and clearly its' taking a toll on her. 

Baba's smile greeted her and for 20 minutes she felt like her family was just right down the road from her. They chatted about work and how she was. She lied that she was fine. Financially, physically and to everyone who she created an image for, she was doing great. On the outside, she was Kassia, a self-made independent traveler looked like she had it all.  

Who got dumped by the guy she thought would stick by her through depression and hard times. 

When she eventually finished her hot shower and headed out of her apartment, the morning Seattle sunshine warmed her face and gave her momentary happiness. 

"Thank you God for being with me all this while." she quietly thanked all 100 of them. In all honesty, most people would've crawled back into a hole after the year she had. 

Her mom always told her she had the biggest heart [typical mom] but she genuinely thought she did. 

But here came the world to show her yet again that she couldn't share feelings because the fear of people leaving was horrible to her. 

Bryan left her a scar that for now -- she had no clue how to deal with. 

A/N : I restarted this just cause I needed to start over. Will update more often. Hope to hear your thoughts as I continue.