Knot Your Lover

Chapter 13

Her heart stopped while at the same time she felt panic but somehow also a little spark of joy.

She put her phone down and tried to process all of her feelings.

What. Could. He. Possibly. Want.

She remembered her therapy sessions and her therapist told her he would come back and it would messwith her.

She opened the text and found that he had shared a link to some thing of her interest. A link to a song from her favorite artist. SG Lewis.
I-b"Saw this and thought of you." Was under it.

"Thanks. Already heard it."  She sent back

"Couldn't help but remember that night in Miami at Bardot when we saw him together. Such a great time. I heard they closed down."

Bardot was a speakeasy that only opened occasionally for certain artists. It was at the back of an alley in the design district in Miami. Just one of the adventures she had initiated him to go on.

In fact, she was the main reason why they went on any adventure at all -- now that she thought about it.

Then there was a sudden realization that came over her.

She always made him 'uncomfortable' in life. He never liked the change and preferred to do things that made her think she was asking for too much.

It always confused her how he had such big dreams of going to places and getting nice things, but the only hard work she'd see him do is play poker. That to him was trying hard -- in hopes of hitting the jackpot one time.

Whereas she would much rather work two jobs -- which she did initially, to get to where she wanted to be.

He was comfortable going to the local bar in his small hometown and drinking beer and reminiscing about the old days. He would also complain about how she wasn't outgoing.

Now when she thought about it -- in this day and age, outgoing doesn't necessarily mean having a bunch of friends and socializing. Being outgoing meant seeing the world, exploring new things and putting yourself out there.

The chat continued with him asking how she was and she replied vaguely about her company and to that he replied "I'm so proud of you"

She stared once again, trying not to let herself be fooled by him. Classic gaslighting was what this was.

She ended the chat with wishing him well and let it be.

Dropping her phone onto the sofa, she paced to her room and opened the little drawer on her nightstand. There was a jar filled with little green bunches of green.

She opened it, unleashing that pungent smell that used to get her in trouble in the college dorms. Placing it into the grinder, she crushed it, making sure it was finely ground. Like she was an expert, she placed it into the rolling paper and rolled it nice and tight.

Opening her cute little balcony, she sat on the sun chair and lit it up.

Her anxiety medication was still in her medicine cabinet but she was sure that was expired. She never liked how that made her felt -- like a zombie.

Her current method was much better, though not many people would agree. Instantly, she felt relieved and could feel the serotonin amplify, easing her mind down.

Watching the hustle of the people on the street, she counted her blessings.

She was not with Bryan for a reason, and they were both set free to find souls that matched theirs. Him with someone more like him, and her... well she knew what she wanted now and wouldn't compromise for anything else.

Her mind shifted to Parker. Oh, Parker...

She felt terrified of dating and that was amplified even more with the thought of dating him potentially.

She finished the roll and just sat there, letting her mind be empty.

Her doorbell rang and she tied her robe around her waist tighter. Swinging it open, she came face to face with Benji.

"You smoked without me. Also, you do it when you're stressed so I'm going to guess it's something Bryan related." he said knowingly

"I have it under control."

"'Let me guess, he's started the fake I'm caring texting but wants to see what you're up to? Oh I even bet all my money he's gaslighting the fuck out of you. Just so he can confuse you." he started going on.

She didn't bother answering because he was right to all the above. Passing her phone to him, they made their way to the balcony as he read the messages between Bryan and her.

"You know, I didn't get angry at him when he broke up with you. But this. THIS really just breaks all the fury that I've kept at bay. I'm going to get Kevin to hold him down and I'm just going to beat the shit out of him."

"That won't help me at all." she sighed

"Kas.. I know you must be feeling hopeful that he's suddenly back. Trust me please, he's just bored. Don't fall that nonsense he's spewing."

"I won't. I won't. It's just so annoying."

"This is why I told you to block his number."

"Doing that, just means I'm running away. I need to just heal the way I need to. I just need to talk things out to myself."

"You better not be lying to yourself." he said what she needed to hear.

She took a deep breath and knew she already was.