bliss | krele

f o u r

thoughts swarmed toby's head. everything hurt. it was one of those days, were toby's anxiety was high and depression took over. it happened a couple times a week, and one these days toby stayed home from school. his phone was on silent, music was playing as he started silently at his ceiling. the whole group knew that when he was gone from school he was probably here, silently drowning. sometimes they would come over after school and hang out with him until he felt a little better. but other then that cam was the only one that came after school every time.

"alright, I brought chocolate and-," cam bursted into toby's room. "uh oh, he's playing billie eilish, it's worst then I thought" Cameron sat on the edge of the bed and motioned for someone to come in. john slowly walked in and stood awkwardly at the edge of the bed, by cam.

"he really wanted to come. by the way, the guys told me to tell you that they hope you feel better."

toby still stared blankly at the ceiling. every thing sounded like static. cameron's voice was to disoriented for toby to even understand.

cam turned to john, "if you didn't know I am the only one toby talks too but on these days I can never get him to say a word, or even look at me."

"do you think I could get him to talk?" john asked.

cam laughed, "if he doesn't talk to you already he probably wont talk to you now." john frowned.

-

after about 4 hours the two decided the needed to leave. it was getting dark out.

"bye toby, text me if you need anything." cam said, toby didn't reply.

'no please, don't leave me. I don't trust myself' toby wanted to say. but nothing came out. john waved bye too, toby didn't move.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

they left, toby heard the front door close. then the thoughts got violent and louder. they drowned out the music and toby's internally scream. demons filled his mind, chanting at him. toby listened to them. he slowly got up, walking into the bathroom to find his mom's make up bag. when he found it, he pulled out a pencil sharpener. one with black on it, probably because she uses it to sharpen her eye liner pencil. he unscrewed the little screws and took the blade out. mindless walking to his room.

without thinking, he drug the tiny weapon across his wrist. after the first time, he did 12 more times. 13 bleeding lines on his wrist. he stared at them, immediately regretting his decision. how was he suppose to hid these?! someone would definitely find out and what would he tell them? plus..cam is going to be really really disappointed that toby did it again.

"hey toby, I just came to check in on you. cam said- holy shit." toby looked at the door way, mason stood there. toby panicked.

"toby what the fuck?! oh god I need to tell cam!" toby jumped up and shook his head. he pulled grabbed his phone a typed something.

'please don't tell cam. he would be so disappointed and I can't do that to him again!"

mason sighed. "fine, but you have to tell him sooner or later." toby looked down ashamed. mason hugged him.

"can I have the blade please?" toby grabbed it off the bed and carefully gave it to mason. "now lets clean you up."