Love and Other Bugs

15: Unwavering

"So, where are we going exactly?" I quipped from the passenger seat of my car, guilt still wringing my stomach.

"The beach." Silas didn't take his eyes off the road, "They have bike rentals there."

"Yeah, along with a crowd of strangers to watch me crash said rented bike."

"I won't let you crash." He smiled, "We can always head off to somewhere with less people, don't psych yourself out... if you decide you don't want to do this, we could find something else to do."

"No, I want to do it." I was surprised, but I did, "I'm just nervous. I've never been great at learning new skills."

"You learned to dance pretty well." He offered.

"Up until a few months ago... and after sixteen years of dance classes. I had two left feet until I was 12, even after I got the hang of it I stumbled way more than the other girls."

He frowned. "You have a habit of being very hard on yourself. Honestly, I've never seen someone move the way you can."

"Hm, and exactly how many people have you seen?"

"Hey, I leave the house more than you do."

He had meant it as a joke, but it left a sharp sting. He was right, it was rare that I left the house anymore, I hadn't driven my own car in months. Over the last few days I had gone out more than I had in weeks. Whereas he did all the shopping, errands, and even chauffeured me whenever I did have somewhere to go. He more of a functioning person than I was.

"Oh God. Maura, I'm sorry." Silas reached over, placing a hand on mine, "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"No, don't worry about it." I pulled my hand out from under his, leaving it resting on my thigh, "You're not wrong, you do leave the house more than me. I'd just never considered it before."

I could see the beach just down the road, it was a sunny day and the waves of sand were packed with tan bodies in a rainbow of bathing suits. I glanced down at my own pale yellow blouse and shorts, almost devoid of any color at all.

"You're out of the house now." He pointed out as we turned into the parking lot, "So let's make the most of it."

*****

Silas walked our rented cream-colored beach cruiser down the small paved trail that divided the sand and the grassy recreational area on the beach. My eyes were trained on him, his were on the ocean. We followed the trail as it lead away from the picturesque coast and into a small park.

Other than a few rowdy toddlers climbing up a bright plastic jungle gym with the encouragement of their nannies, the park was nearly empty. It was still early, not even noon, but I had been expecting more witnesses. Older kids with skateboards and missing front teeth to laugh at me when I undoubtedly toppled over. I was relieved that at the very least, there wouldn't be a large audience to my uncoordinated attempt at self-improvement.

"This seems like a good spot." He stopped walking, and turned to give me an encouraging smile, "You ready?"

"Wait a sec, how are you going to teach me to ride a bike if you've also never done it?"

"Hey, I did my research. I'm pretty sure I know how it works." He shrugged, offering me the helmet.

"But you've never actually done it."

"Moot point."

"How about you go first?" I pushed the helmet back towards him, pursing my lips to conceal a nervous smile.

"Alright." He squared his shoulders and pulled the baby blue helmet down snug over his dark locks, "Watch and learn."

He mounted the bike and pushed off without a breath of hesitation, cruising with squared shoulders and an air of conviction down the sidewalk for a good five feet before he tipped over. His helmet cracked against the pavement as he hit the ground. I winced, slapping my hand over my mouth as I raced over.