Love and Other Bugs

17: Wanted

We drove home in silence. Silas kept his focus on the road and I faced out the passenger window, clutching my shoes to my soaking chest. I knew I was furious with myself, but I was torn on what I was most upset about doing. The way I had ended my lovely little trip with Silas, or for going on the trip with him in the first place. It wasn't until we pulled into the driveway that I concluded I hated myself equally for both, but I could still fix one of the two.

"Thank you." I blurted out as Silas went to open his car door, he stopped and turned to me, "For everything. I had a great day."

He smiled, "So did I."

He slipped out of the car and hurried around to open my door. I went back to avoiding eye contact as I headed up to the front porch. He trailed up the steps behind me, slipping past me on the landing so he could hold open the front door for me.

I thanked him again under my breath and made a beeline for my bedroom, he followed me in silence, feverish tension radiating in the space between us. My close proximity to him on the staircase brought my desire to kiss him crashing back, with all the intensity of the waves against my skin.

"I'll start the shower for you." He insisted, squeezing around me on the steps, his arm brushing mine. His touch left me breathless as I imagined him pinning my body up against the wall. His golden irises wild with lust as he ripped away the damp t-shirt clinging to my chest.

God, what was wrong with me?

I could feel the heat creeping into my face as Silas reached top of the stairs, his focus remaining forward as he continued into my bedroom. I followed, my eyes trained on the white bedroom rug as I dropped my shoes in the doorway and waited. I glanced up as he emerged from the bathroom moments later, and approached me with intention, a cloud of steam swirling in his wake.

"All ready." He stopped in front of me, gazing directly into my soul. I held my breath as he calmly reached down to collect my shoes, before heading from the room with a curt nod.

As he left my view, I fixated on the rumpled duvet covering my bed. The expanse of space between Eric's side and mine that remained unoccupied, unbroached. Marred only by the subtle indentation I'd left at the foot of the bed earlier that morning, when I'd pleasured myself to thoughts of Silas' mouth on me.

"Silas, wait..." My voice was a breathless whisper. With my back to him, I wasn't sure if he'd heard me. I dared a glance over my shoulder.

He was faced halfway in my direction, his rigid silhouette filling the doorway, his eyes curious and cautious as they met mine. I fought to ignore the knot of apprehension in my stomach, focusing instead on the other, stronger emotion that was growing in my gut. A feeling, I acknowledged, I had been repressing for much longer than the few short weeks I'd spent being cordial with Silas.

Rage.

Emanating from the thought of being alone every day, including weekends and my own birthday. When I wasn't alone, I was ignored, begging for affection and left feeling unwanted by the one person who was supposed to love me the most. The tangled gnarl of guilt and unease in my stomach loosened, the stiffness in my shoulders melted away. I was left with only complete confidence that I was justified in doing whatever the fuck I wanted for once.

"Stay." I insisted, my tone resolute and calm.

I rotated in a slow circle, reaching down to slip my soaked shirt up over my head as I turned towards him. Silas' eyes religiously followed my every movement, the rest of his body frozen still. I slipped my thumbs into the waistline of my shorts and began inching them down under his avid gaze, until I stood before him in nothing but my underwear.

"Maura.. what are you doing?..." He murmured as I gathered my hair off to one side and turned away from him once again, peeking at him over my shoulder.

"Unhook me... please?"

His fervent stare languished and his mouth went lax as he took in the view of my backside, my ass all but bare in my white lace thong. The shoes in his grip fell to the floor, revealing a growing bulge in his wet jeans. He couldn't decide where to focus, his eyes moving up and down my body. As he approached me he clenched his slack jaw, his fingers warming the skin of my back as he reached up to unclasp my brassiere with one firm hand.

A small gasp escaped my throat as the closure released, relaxing the straps on my shoulders and leaving my c-cups hanging useless in front of my exposed breasts. He stepped closer, his chest close to brushing against my back as he reached out to place a gentle hand at the base of my neck. His fingers caressed down my collarbone, following the curve outward until he caught against the limp strap of my unbound bra.

I stopped breathing altogether as he slipped the strap off my shoulder, bestowing a delicate kiss on the bare skin he left behind, "You're undone."

I shivered at his words, his warm breath fanning across my cold skin and raising goosebumps on my arms. He pulled his hand away and took a step back, the abrupt distance between us leaving me reeling.

"Sorry," He muttered, "You look like you're freezing. I forgot I'm all wet."

"It's okay." I turned my body around to face him again, his avid gaze seized by my bare chest as I let my bra fall to the floor, "I'm wet too."

I wasn't sure if he would understand the double entendre, but his throat tensed, his forced swallow was visible as he struggled to respond. I took a calculated step towards him, fighting a prideful smile at his arousal, nearly rupturing the zipper of his pants. All manner of restraint, any remaining inhibitions I had were suppressed by the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.

"Since we are both so wet, and so... dirty," I stared up at his tormented expression through my lashes, "Maybe you should join me in the shower."

Silas' hands balled into tight fists at his sides, the look in his eyes bordering on primal, "I'd be happy to join you. If you're sure that's what you want."

I nodded, sliding my hands over my hips, my fingers slipping under the waistline of my panties and dragging them down my thighs until they dropped to my feet. I eyed the bursting crotch of Silas' pants as he fought to keep his focus on my face.

"Do you want me to return the favor?" I asked, reaching out to stroke a steady hand down his confined erection, "Undo you?"

"Believe me, Maura," He groaned, "You already have."

"Alright then," I backed away, moving towards the bathroom as he remained frozen in place. Enjoying my moment of power, "I'll meet you in there."

*****

The shower was the perfect temperature, Silas had it down to a science. I closed my eyes and let the scorching stream cleanse the seawater from my hair. As the moments passed I started to wonder if he was really coming, maybe I had broken him? The thought almost made me smile, considering my naked body having the capacity to break such an advanced machine.

I heard the shower curtain slide open behind me. I kept my face turned up towards the shower-head, hesitant to acknowledge him as he stepped into the tub behind me. His hands caressed my sides, tracing a curved line down to my hips. He stepped closer, his lips brushing my shoulder in the same place they had before.

I leaned my head against his, feeling content and safe, here the warm white womb of my shower. His arms slipped around my stomach. His smooth, naked body pressed close to mine, I could feel every inch of him imprinted on my skin. I arched myself into his figure, pushing myself up against him, closing my eyes and focusing on the ravishing feeling of his shape.

"I've never wanted anything before." He hummed into my skin, "I didn't even know what wanting was, until these past few days with you." I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder, his eyes met mine, blinking the water from his lashes.

"Well, I've wanted a lot of things," I admitted, reaching my arm back to run my fingers through his hair, down to his neck. I rested my hand there, reveling in the feeling of his simulated heartbeat, under his synthetic skin, "But I've never wanted anything as much as I want you right now."

He stared deep into my eyes, in an all-consuming way, like no one else had ever looked at me before. I felt seen, I felt understood, I felt wanted for the first time in a long time. He leaned closer, my eyes fluttering closed as he touched his lips to mine.