Love and Other Bugs

28: Promises

The inside of the restaurant smelled of baked dough, Italian spices, and tomatoes. It wasn't busy since it was a Monday afternoon, early for dinner. We were greeted promptly and sat at a table near the window. The hostess's eyes lingered on Silas as she walked away, his perfection was very distracting, and I could imagine it would be even more so if you didn't know he was an android. My chair let out a squeak as I sat and I could feel Silas's gaze on me.

"Are you sure this is where you want to eat?" He asked, a playful smile on his lips.

"Yes," I glanced around, taking in the cozy atmosphere with a grin, "I love it."

Our waiter was a kind-eyed boy named Joe. He took our drink orders, offered us some faded menus and hurried off to the kitchen. As we perused the entree selections, I glanced up at Silas, curious as to how he was handling acting human in public. He was reading from his own menu, his eyes flicking up to meet mine.

"What?" He asked, smiling as if he already knew what I was going to say.

"You make a very convincing human." I whispered.

"Thank you." He winked, turning back to his menu, "Do you know what you want?"

"I just want a pepperoni pizza." I closed my menu and set it on the table, he followed suit.

"Perfect."

I knew he didn't eat, but I could tell from the playful look in his eyes that he wasn't going to bring it up. As our waiter returned with our waters, Silas told him that we would like to order one pepperoni pizza to share.

Even Joe seemed a little flustered by Silas's good looks, fumbling a little with his pen as he jotted down our order and gathered our menus. As soon as he was out of sight, Silas chuckled under his breath.

"I'd never noticed the humor in it before." He told me, swirling his straw in his water, "People are always so nervous around me. Whenever I go shopping it's the same, they stare, they fumble, they blush. This is the first time I've ever realized how funny it is."

"You do look human," I pointed out, sharing his laughter, "But you seem too perfect to just be sitting in a restaurant or doing some grocery shopping."

I hadn't realized how out of place he looked, sitting at the scuffed table. The restaurant was quaint and cozy, and Silas stuck out in his black button up shirt and matching tie. His perfect, precise features made him look comedic in a normal, everyday setting. I realized it didn't help that I looked average in comparison to him.

"You look beautiful." He complimented me as if he could hear my insecurity creeping back, "I like how much happier you seem outside of the house. You look so much more at ease."

"I am happier. It's been a while since I've been out, I haven't had somewhere new to go in a long time." I shuffled the sugar packets on the table, sorting them by color, "It's nice to be able to just be with you, and not worry about Eric coming home."

A slight tension hung in the air as I said his name, Silas' smile faltered and his eyes darkened. I felt my own mood shift as well, glancing down to my hand where my wedding ring gleaned from my finger. As much as I had grown apart from Eric, I felt ashamed of the fact that I was still married to him, yet on a date with someone else.

Lorraine had argued that Silas wasn't real, and that sex with him wouldn't count as infidelity, but even at that time, I had felt it wasn't true. Now, with my feelings for Silas growing deeper, and the growing possibility that he was actually capable of feeling for me too, it occurred to me for the first time that I was a cheater. I started to feel nauseated, my eyes still trained on the silver diamond ring as Silas reached over to take my hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his hand covered my ring and I looked up to meet his eyes, "You look panicked."

Our waiter approached with the pizza, placing it in the center of the table. He didn't say a word, reading the clear tension in the room. Silas's eyes were still on mine as Joe hurried away, I glanced down at the food and my nausea increased.

"I think I need some air." I told him.

He looked concerned as he called the waiter back, asking for a box and the check. Even in my current, anxious state, I was impressed with his knowledge of restaurant etiquette. I got to my feet and started for the door as Joe boxed up our untouched pizza, and Silas handed him a couple of twenties.

I made my way out to the parking lot and stood under the bistro lights, looking down at the sidewalk as Silas joined me. He didn't ask any questions, he just placed a soft kiss on my hair and stood next to me while I gathered my thoughts.

"Am I a bad person?" I asked, knowing how he would answer but needing to hear it anyways.

"Of course not. Why do you ask?"

"There's no way I can justify this." I shrugged, turning to look up at him, "I have no excuse. It's not just testing for Lorraine, it's not innocent, it wasn't an accident. I'm out on a date with someone, someone who I have feelings for, and I'm still married."

I held up my hand for emphasis. The ring that had been there all along, that we had ignored, sparkled under the lights. Silas stared at it, his sympathetic eyes remaining unfazed. He reached out and took my hand in his. He slipped the ring from my finger, placing a kiss on my newly exposed skin.

"This ring is meaningless." He slipped it into his pocket and took my face in his hands, "It's a piece of jewelry, metal and stone. It's meant to be a symbol of love, a reminder of promises you made to each other. Promises that you lived up to, and that he broke.

"Human marriages are all about symbols and ceremony. All of it is pointless if the meaning behind all of those symbols isn't there. When he asked you to wear that ring, what did he promise you in return?"

"To love and cherish me," I whispered, recalling Eric's vows, "To be my best friend and my protector."

"Has he done any of those things?" He stared into my soul, his eyes reflecting the pain in my own, "No, we both know damn well that he hasn't. Maura, I won't continue to stand by and let you tear yourself down over someone who doesn't deserve to see your beautiful smile, hear your laugh or smell the wonderful scent of your hair. He doesn't deserve to come home to you, to touch you, or to call you his. And you..." He paused, his eyes looking like they would be full of tears if they could.

"You deserve someone who will love you, and cherish you," I could feel my rapid heartbeat slowing as he spoke, "Appreciate and protect you... You deserve someone who will give as much as you give. You deserve to be happy."

He had said everything I didn't know I'd been aching to hear. He took me in his arms, kissing the top of my head. He ran his fingers through my hair, swaying as he held me.

As our bodies rocked back and forth I realized how impossible it would be to go back to loving someone like Eric ever again. It was more than just me falling out of love, it was me coming to the realization, with the help of Silas, that I deserved better. I would never go back to being unhappy for someone else.