Friends? No. Never... (jaegan)

chapter 4

play whenever

Raegan

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god i want to talk to them. i just want to hear their voice. holy fuck i've fallen for them. their hair, their face, their smile, god their smile is so intoxicating. their skin is so beautiful and their eyes i swear. i could just get lost in their eyes. just thinking about them makes me happy and blushy. god they're amazing.

i pick up my phone and call kalvin.

"dude i think i love him." i say.

"hey. kalvins in the bathroom but i didn't want the phone to go to voice mail. who are you talking about?" kenna asks me.

me eyes go wide as i stutter. "i-i uh-"

"calm down. i don't care and i know you're talking about justin. kalvins back." i hear the phone being passed.

"uh hey?" he asks.

"i think i'm fucking in love with him."

"who?" he asks, confused.

"justin!" i yell.

"um hey." justin says as he walks in my room.

"holy shit!" i say and hang up my phone.

"you were talking about me.. heh.." he says awkwardly with his voice shaky.

"you can come in." he shuts the door and walks over to me. "um yeah. i was on the phone with kale.. um. why are you here and who let you in?" i ask him.

"i just wanted to talk to you. and your mom let me in and told me you were upstairs. and told me to just go in." he says, looking down. god he's perfect.. fuck.

"oh. uh-okay." i stutter again.

my phone starts ringing again and it's kale. i answer it and put it to my ear.

"YOURE IN LOVE WITH HIM?" he yells, loud enough for justin to hear.

"that's what you were talking about?" jay asks as he plays with his hoodie sleeve.

i hang up on kale again and look at justin. i laugh awkwardly. "um.." i say. he looks up at me and hugs me. "oh!" i say and hug him back. he starts sniffling and i rub his back. he pulls away and kisses me forcefully. my eyes go wide as i kiss back and he suddenly pulls away and sits on the ground.

"fuck!" he yells, bawling his eyes out.

"um.." i say.

"raegan i'm so sorry." he cries out to me, barley audible.

"it's okay. i promise it's fine justin. a-are you okay?" he asks.

"gabe broke up with me because he had to move i guess. and he knew that he was going to have to move before he even asked me to be his boyfriend but he decided to make me get my hopes up and fucking make me fall for him and then you came around and i can't fucking handle all these people leaving my life anymore. first my mom, then grandma, then gabe! and we can't even be together because you're with Eva. and i don't understand how we can go from hating eachother to you being in love with me and fuck!" he yells. even though i could hardly understand him i got what he was saying.

"i wont leave justin." i tell him. no scratch that. "i'll never leave you. i promise." i say and hug him again. "let me just work stuff out with Eva and i'll let you know, okay?" i ask.

"i- im so sorry. i did something i shouldn't have and i feel horrible. i- i- fuck!" he yells again, starting to hyperventilate. i pull away from him and sit in front of him.