Friends? No. Never... (jaegan)

chapter 10

I FOUND A FUCKING BAG FOR A BAGUETTE BRO I NEED IT

play whenever

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Raegan

-

it's been a week since that day at my house and justin's been really, really, distant lately. when we text it's dry and he's being short with me.

"raegan." i look up at kale.

"yep?" i ask.

"you good?" he asks me.

"do you know what's wrong with justin?" i ask, ignoring his question.

"why? what happened?" he looks concerned. "because if something was wrong he'd probably tell you."

"well.. he's just been very distant lately. and i don't know why." i say, furrowing my brows.

"he hasn't said anything?" kale asks. i just look at him with a confused expression. "..about his commitment issues?" he asks.

"nooo..?" i say.

"ever since Gabe he hasn't really been committal. and i know it's only been a couple weeks but he's just felt uncomfortable getting serious with anyone besides you. i'm surprised he didn't tell you that." he replies.

i put my head in my hands and shake my head. "what do i do?" i ask.

"do the same. he likes the challenge." kale shrugs. i nod.

but seriously.. what am i doing to do?

-

kale went home a few hours ago and now i'm just laying on my floor. thinking about justin. he's all i ever think about honestly. my phone goes off and i ignore it, sighing. i look at the patterns on the ceiling and trace them in my mind. my phone starts ringing and i grab it, answering it without looking at the contact name.

"hello?" i ask.

"hey baby." justin replies.

"oh hey." i say.

"what are you doing?" he asks.

"are you just gonna.. act like you haven't ignored me for a week now?" i ask.

"what? i haven't been ignoring you." he says, sounding hurt and confused.

"you've been very distant and short with me when we text. like you don't want to keep the conversation going." i say.

"i-i'm sorry. i.. i didn't realize i was doing that. it's just.. since gabe i... it's been hard.." his voice breaks. ".. so difficult.. seeing you.. loving you, kissing you, calling you baby, i just. i want to move on from him. i do. but he was the first person i got that involved with and i think a part of me will always be with him because of how fast we moved. and we started dating after months of messing around and binges of sexual stuff and i don't want to make that mistake with you... b-because i really lo-love you.. a-and if i make that mistake with you then i- i don't know what i'll do with myself. i've loved you for years. since we kissed that first time... but then you got with Eva.. a-and i started cutting again.. a-and i don't w-want to be h-hurt again, r-raegan.. i just. i can't handle it. so.. if you don't want to be with me.. and you want to go back to hating me.. i-.. if that's what you want to do.. it's your choice.." he has to stop because of how much he's crying. i realize i have tears rushing down my face.

"i-i'm sorry if i made you think i wanted that.. i don't. i-i'm sorry that Eva and i made you start cutting again.. i've loved you since then too but i didn't want to admit it because i had convinced myself that i was straight. till a few months ago.. but i-i can't bare the thought of you being with someone else. i-i love you justin blake." i say.