close as strangers ↣ joshler ✓

15. Heartbroken

"What's your favorite color?" Josh asked, resting his head on his hand as he looked at the across the table, giving her a goofy smile.

"What's my favorite color?" She repeated with a laugh. "That's what you wanna know?"

Josh took a spoonful of his ice cream and set it in his mouth. "Well my first question was gonna be 'what's your favorite ice cream flavor?' but that question was already answered, Miss Reagan," he explained as he pointed to her bowl of the bright green mint chocolate chip ice cream resting in it.

Reagan didn't speak at first and Josh could tell she was thinking about it. She took a bite of her own cold dessert and swallowed it before speaking. "Red."

"Why red?"

"I dunno. People usually think it's an angry color but I think it's a happy one. It reminds me of love too and I love a lot of things," she looked up at him, her eyelashes fluttering shut momentarily as she blinked. "What's yours?"

"Yellow," he replied instantly.

"Why yellow?" She copied.

"I just think it's a dope color," he laughed, eating the last bite of double fudge brownie ice cream he had.

"You're ridiculous," Reagan laughed as well, shaking her head.

"No, I'm Josh," he sent her a toothy grin.

"Okay, Dad," she took another spoonful but stopped, instead looking at Josh with wide eyes. "That sounded kinky I did not mean it that way," she explained quickly as Josh busted out laughing ever harder than before.

"Damn Reagan we're only on our first date and you already wanna get in my pants? Classy," he teased as she blushed.

"If I wanted to get into your pants I'd push you on to the table right now and fuck you in front of everyone in this ice cream parlor," she joked back, making Josh smile.

"You're cute."

"Stop flirting with me," she shook her head. "Unless you're tryna get into my pants?" She raised an eyebrow.

Josh smiled, looking into Reagan's matching brown eyes. "I'm gonna marry you someday."

"Uh huh," she giggled. "That's pretty ambiguous and douche-y for a guy I met a week ago to say on the first date."

"What can I say? I'm an ambiguous guy. That's not the only thing ambiguous about me though if I can still take you up on your offer of fucking me on the table in front of everyone in this ice cream shop."

"Ah. Parlor," she spoke. "I said parlor. Not shop."

"And I'm the ridiculous one," he responded making Reagan laugh once again.

Josh hadn't felt this heartbroken in nine years.

Seven if you wanted to count how long it took for him to get over it the last time.

The thing that was different this time, however, was that he didn't have anyone to blame. He couldn't blame Reagan. He couldn't blame himself, he couldn't blame anyone.

He was just sad.

He laid on his bed, crying into his pillow. Everything got worse when he rolled over to Reagan's side and got a whiff of her Pantene conditioner, cause a sob to rip its way out of his throat.

Josh knew Jim could tell something was wrong too because the old dog was surrounding himself with Freddie more. Josh cried even harder when he remembered the husky would be gone soon. Just like his girlfrie— ex-girlfriend.

Josh wiped his face and grabbed his phone that he had thrown on to the bed next to him. He could barely see the screen through his tears since they were making everything blurry. Despite that, he still attempted to send a text.

Hey Haylet are yoi busy rijht now

Shit aorry

sorry*

The bubble with the three dots appeared for a second before he got his reply.

I'm on a date with Ash rn. What's up?

Guilt surged through Josh and he decided his problems weren't worth ruining their time.

Never mind I was just bored and didn't know if you wanted to hang out. Sorry lol I wasn't looking at the screen when I typed the last texts

He wiped his eyes and read over the text three times before sending just to make sure it wasn't suspicious.

Aw, sorry dude. I gotta go into the school tomorrow to plan the kids' next project and then it's Monday after that so y'know lol but I think we're both free next Saturday

Cool thanks

He locked his phone and threw it on the bed next to him once again, letting out another sob. He felt two weights on the bed and he looked up, seeing Jim and Freddie pawing over to him, each resting a head on his leg. That only caused him to bawl harder as he ran his hand through Freddie's fur. "I'm so sorry," he told them even though he knew he didn't have to apologize to them. They were just dogs they didn't have anything to do with this. Still, he felt the need to apologize to someone. "Fuck!" He yelled, covering his hands with his eyes.

His hands made their way up to his hair as he tugged lightly on it. He'd rather feel pain up there than in his heart.

"I gotta leave or I'm gonna go crazy," he wiped his eyes, getting off the bed. "Everything reminds me of her," he mumbled, making his way out of his bedroom. Jim and Freddie followed but realized he was leaving and went over to lay by the couch.

Josh began pulling his Vans on when he realized he had no idea where he was going to go. He could go visit his mom but she honestly loved Reagan more than she loved him and didn't want to break that news to her. He did not want to talk to his dad about this.

He could go see Ashley or Jordan since they shared an apartment but he knew Ashley had been proud of him for getting help and trying to get better with his life and he knew this would just disappoint her. Jordan just wouldn't get it— all his girlfriends had only stuck around for a few months.

Abbie was at college in Cleveland so that obviously wasn't an option for him either.

He started to feel defeat fill him when he realized there was one more person he could talk to.

Josh just hoped he was still there.