When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny ✔

Present 10

I was engaged in yet another staring contest with the wallpaper of my room. My head hurt from the horde of tears that flowed in abundance for the past few hours. They stopped a while ago, but I still felt numb.

Part of me scolded myself for still feeling be upset about what happened because I got away. The other part of me  kept  replaying the images over and over.

His hands up my dress. His lips on my neck. His hand covering my mouth.

The feeling of helplessness keeps overwhelming me, throwing me into a crying fit, but it seems I have no more tears to cry right now.

It has been two days. I lied to my mom and said I was sick so she let me stay home. I've been laying in the same position for who knows how long.

I keep vividly reliving an event that could've been so much worse. Imagining what would have happened if I wasn't able to defend myself.

My phone, that surprisingly isn't dead, vibrated on the floor for the fiftieth time this morning. It's probably from Rueben who's most likely wondering why I've been so inactive since Saturday.

I don't feel like telling him that his best friend sexually assaulted me and there's nothing I could do about it.

Actually, I don't want to tell anyone. Ever.

What will come of it anyway?

As much as I hate to admit it, Trent was right. No one will believe me. Even if they did, Trent's family has money, power and privilege.

I have my voice, my blackness, and hundreds of years of oppression and discrediting of women's consent.

I could only imagine what horrible things they'd say.

Her outift was revealing so maybe she wanted it.

She should be happy a boy like Trent is giving her attention. She wasn't always pretty.

It made my heart hurt more.

Moping in the comfort of my room wasn't going to make anything better. Just because I felt dead inside doesn't mean I have to stop living, but for now, I'll cry a little bit more.

I woke up to the sound of soft knocking. "Maya, I brought you some tea." My mom's soft voice said from the other side of my bed.

I pulled my blanket higher on my body before telling my mom to come in.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, placing the cup of tea on my nightstand.

I smiled weakly at her. "Feeling better."

She nodded. "That's good. I'm making chicken soup for dinner. I'll bring it up for you later."

"Sounds good." The thought of food made me want to throw up. I've barely eaten over rhe past couple days.

My mom leans over to kiss me on the forehead. "Okay honey. I'll let you get some rest. I love you."

The action was small but it made me choke up. How could I not tell my mom all the horrible things I've been dealing with. But how can I tell her?

It'd break her heart.

As soon as the door closed, I started crying again.

The hell we go through to protect the people we love.

It was Wednesday when I finally dragged myself out of bed to get ready for school.

Life goes on. Regardless of how broken you feel.

I took a warm shower, scrubbing extra hard in attempt to wash the feeling of disgust and shame that has been infiltrating my mind these past couple days. After changing into loose jeans and a hoodie, I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs.

"Good morning, darling," my mom greeted from the stove.

I gave her my biggest smile. "Morning, mama."

My facáde was impenetrable.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," my dad commented from the dining room table.

I walked over and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. "Morning, dad."

He grinned, "Morning, Bubbs."

"Do you want a ride to school? Your dad is leaving in a few minutes," mom informed, dishing a plate of food out for me and her.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I'll just ride my bike." I grabbed a piece of French toast from the pile, and bid my parents goodbye.

The school gate looked more unwelcoming than usual as I peddled up. Even though I was fairly early, several cars were already parked outside. I took a deep breath as I rode in.

A pair of arms came around my waist, and my whole body stiffened. I quickly shoved the person's arms off me, and turned to see a very confused Rueben.

"You okay?" He asked, concern evident in his voice.

I nodded, smiling brightly. "Of course! You just caught me by surprise. That's all."

He nodded, not looking convinced, but chose to let it go.

"What happened on Saturday?"

I felt myself panic, thinking he knew what happened. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you left without a goodbye and didn't return any of my messages. Plus, you've missed two days of school."

I cleared my throat. "Uh, sorry. I was just really tired, and I figured you wanted to stay and have fun so I just headed home. Plus, I was too lazy to find you in the crowd. As for the messages, I wasn't feeling well, so I wasn't on my phone much. Since I was sick, I missed yesterday." The over explained half lie flowed off my lips easily, and I immediately felt guilty.

"Okay..." he looked unconvinced again, but then he broke into a smile. "We have fifteen minutes until the first buzzer. Wanna get coffee?"

I was thankful for the change of subject. "Yea, but only if you pay." I grinned.

He laughed. "Of course."

Pretending wasn't as hard as I expected, especially with Rueben being around to distract me. Moping in bed would've just caused more unnecessary overthinking. Living keeps my mind occupied and distracted. So, I'll pretend everything is okay for now. 

 Hopefully, I'll start to believe it.

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