How Is This Love? (BWWM)

11.

With Archibald and I officially being an item, we saw each other every single day. He'd come to the club my last two hours of work and give Mack an unholy amount of money to take me home early.

I slept with him every night. In fact, I hadn't slept in Rayquans apartment in weeks. I'm sure Rayquans ghost was jealous as hell.

"Girl, you know Carter asked me to marry him last night after we fucked?" Lauren blurted out. We were sitting in the locker room at Tootsies getting our stuff together so we could leave.

"What?" I asked even though I had clearly heard everything Lauren had said. I bursted into laughter.

"Yes, girl. I put it on his ass so good he was crying after. Talkin' bout some 'oh my god, I love you. Will you marry me, please?'" Lauren mocked him, causing me to laugh harder. "I told his ass no cus' he already married. Acting like I don't see the tan line on his ring finger." She continued, sucking her teeth in disbelief.

"Well, Archibald is huuuuuuuuuge. Sometimes I can't take it." I confess, huffing in frustration.

Lauren leaned towards me and began whispering in my ear. "Lube. Lots and lots of lube. It'll slide right on in." She says, backing up and winking at me.

"You a damn mess!" I exclaimed, bursting into giggles at Lauren's words. We grabbed our duffles and walked out of the club.

With Archibald out on a business trip, I was headed back to my apartment for the night. But I didn't mind.

There was baby pink Cadillac Escalade parked in front of my building. There was only a certain group of people with pink Cadillacs in my city. Pimps.

And there was only one who had an actual reason to be here.

I walked up to the passenger side of the truck and knocked angrily on the window, waiting anxiously to speak to the man on the other side of it.

When the window came rolling down, I was face to face with the man who I barely knew but knew enough to address him accordingly.

"What the fuuuuuck do you want?" I asked, annoyed by his sudden presence.

"Is that anyway to greet your father?" He cocked his head to the side, bringing up his iced out hand to his chin, stroking his permed grey beard as he spoke.

"First of all, I haven't seen you in almost three years. So, yes, what the fuck do you want?" I rolled my eyes.

And honestly, I was confused as to how he found me.

The last time I had seen this man, he was dropping my strung out mother back off to our building, five hours after my high school graduation. Neither of them showed up. I had spent the day with Lauren's family and caught the city bus back home, alone.

"I'm still your farther, Karma. You will respect me." He snaps.

"Good-bye, Joseph." I say, spinning on my heels to walk inside

In the background, I could hear the truck unlocking and a door opening then closing quickly.

"Look, I know I haven't been the best father to you but I came to tell you that your mother is sick and she's asking for you."

My hand was stuck on the front door. I was getting ready to go upstairs. I hadn't seen my mother in a long ass time. The last time I'd seen her, she was running down the street barefoot in a dirty sundress asking the entire projects for money so she could get a rock.

Thinking about my mother took me back to a place that I absolutely didn't want to go back to. Eating nothing but bread for months because she'd spend the only money we had on drugs instead of real groceries. Disappearing for weeks at a time. Finding her standing on a corner to sell herself for half a rock.

And I already knew my mother didn't look well. The last time I saw her, her face was full of dark bumps and sunken in.

I shook the thoughts out of head and turned to face Joseph.

"I said, good bye." I repeated, trying to sound confident. At one point in my life, there was a large part of me wanted a relationship with both of my parents so desperately. But that had long passed and I was no longer interested.

Joseph laughed. "If she dies, you'll regret acting like this."

What the fuck did you just say?

"Excuse me?" I snapped. Who the hell was he? This man dropped my mother off strung out on some intense shit numerous times. He doped her up and tricked her out to the neighborhood niggas every chance he got.

"If she does, YOU will regret acting like this. Don't try to use finding me to please my sick mother who is in the predicament because of YOU." I voiced.

"Finding me was literally the least you could do. You're a horrible man. I hope you rot in hell." I yelled, my face now steaming and tears threatening to fall.

I ran inside, slamming the door closed behind me. I closed my eyes and tried to remember my mother before the depression. Before the drugs. Before she'd been tricked out.

I couldn't.