Scarhead (A Drarry Fic)

chapter four-Imperfect Things

Harry didn't come out for a very extended period of time, which worried Draco. He wondered if he was crying but when he put his ear to the door he heard nothing. His next theory was that he left, apparated somewhere far from there. He laid on the on his side across the couch, waiting for his return. He hadn't realized what he was saying when he told him he didn't believe in an afterlife, he was angry and not thinking clearly. But he shouldn't have been so quick to get offended. He didn't use to be that way.

He traced Harry's name with his finger along the bedspread. Staring at the invisible letters, he traced it over and over again. He felt more alone than he had in a long time, even though Harry hadn't even been gone for two hours. The thought of Harry not returning remained present in his head, he could not survive in the muggle world without him.

He brought his legs up to his chest and rested his forehead on his knees for a second before resting back on the pillow. The tiny flat felt empty, it was empty, but not only the flat, the whole damn building, the whole world felt like it had come to a standstill as Draco waited out Harry's return. He felt as if his whole existence depended upon Harry, he didn't like the feeling, but it had been present since the time when they started going out, whenever he left and was not with him.

He groaned to himself, why had he let himself become so dependent upon one person, and not only that, dependent upon a person whom he didn't deserve, dependent upon the person whom he had broken and hurt more than any other person he had ever talked to. He ran his fingers over the scars on his calves and shivered. They were absolutely repulsive, but he was stuck with them. He felt the same selfish feeling he had felt the moment his father told him what Voldemort expected him to do. It was an ugly feeling of fear and future guilt. What made him feel worse, was his action consequent to the order. When our actions do not, our fears make us traitors. It was a such a stupid little fight, it seemed so useless to get this worked up about it, but it wasn't really just the fight. It was the fight that had gotten the thoughts started, the thoughts that always seemed to be in the back of his head.

It was then that he realized that he had tears running down his cheeks. He had not noticed that his thoughts had become violent, it sort of just went there on its own. He hugged his knees tighter, he didn't deserve him. Maybe it was for the best of Harry that he left, maybe now he could go find someone who would make him happy, who wouldn't betray and almost kill him.

His body shook brutally and his tears came out faster.

It was hours later that he recovered his senses, and with the opposite of a smiling face, pulled himself from the bed. His appendages felt heavy as if full of water. He stood up straight and rubbed his eyes. He needed to talk to his mother, but he couldn't go looking like he had been crying. He pulled on a t-shirt and his trainers.

He apparated to the Siberian continent, just outside his mother's door. He knocked and entered. His mother jumped up from her seat at the sight of him and threw her arms around him. He weakly returned the hug. Forseti also stood, he was holding a can of green beans, an old spoon in the other. He gave a curt nod at Draco, who didn't respond.

"Draco, honey, what's the matter? " his mother held his shoulders and dragged him to the bench at the far end of the room. He slumped in the seated position and suppressed the urge to cry some more.

"We had a fight, he's been gone for several hours, I don't know where he went, but I'm afraid that he won't come back. I feel like the world has taken everything from me, what will I do if I lose him? I just feel so helpless. Like I have nothing left." Draco said, saying it out loud was a lot different from what it was like in his head. He felt like a child complaining of a hurt knee when after he had fallen.

"Draco, it's only been a few hours, I'm sure he'll be back."

"We've been fighting more than usual, it's all my fault too, It's always me. I don't deserve Harry, and I know I should let him go because I know he'll leave me eventually for someone better, but I just can't. I can't let him go. We've got a commensalism relationship, I need him but he doesn't need me. Maybe it's time to move on. I'll just come back and live here."

"Do you really want this relationship to work, Draco?" Forseti asked.

"Yes, I want it to work, but it doesn't always work that way, both participants have to agree, and I'm afraid that's not going to happen."

"If you really want it to work, you'll make it work."

"Yeah, but-"

"If you really want it to work, you'll make it work," he repeated louder than the first time. Draco thought about this. How could he convince Harry to love him? Sure he did it one time, would he be able to do it again? "Did he say anything to you before he left, how do you know he's not coming back, how do you even know that he's angry?"

Draco hadn't realized that he hadn't said anything, he had been so fed up with himself he hadn't noticed Harry. Selfish, a voice in his head said. "I, well, I don't know."

"Please tell us what happens," his mother said, "as much as I would love you to come back and live with us, I also really want your relationship to work out."

"Okay, thanks, Forseti. I appreciate it." he apparated back to his flat feeling immensely better.

"What were you up to?" Harry's voice rang from behind him. He turned to find Harry laying on his die on the couch, still wrapped in the bedsheet.

"I could ask you the same question." he shot back.

"I went to Godric's hollow, back to my parent's house."

"Wrapped in the sheet, which you are completely naked underneath?" Draco questioned.

"Yeah, well it wasn't like anyone was there, I was alone."

"Harry, can you please forgive me-"

"I am not angry, just a little distressed."

"Let me finish, I am in the middle of a mess that I do not understand" he took a deep breath, "I am so selfish, I've never cared about anyone else but myself, even when I told myself I cared about you, it was always for myself, I'm careless and all around kind of a dick, you, on the other hand, you Harry, are so fearless, never been afraid of anything. I'm aimless and heading towards nowhere at a speed that I can't even comprehend. You're foolish for falling for a fool like me, it's hard to believe, I don't believe it actually, which is my question, do you really love me? I know you've said it, but why, there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about me, so why are you still here?"

"Draco, I've never been perfect, no matter what you say, I am not that saint potter that you used to tease me about, there is nothing perfect about me, behind this scar, I am just a normal human being. I don't want you to ever say anything like this again, I don't care about your imperfections, I love you, do you know what that means? It means that I will look past what you think is imperfect about yourself and see something better.. Because I do, you think you're selfish, you know what I think, I think that everyone has to be selfish sometimes, and that you throwing yourself into that burning house to save me, was the most unselfish thing I have ever seen someone do. I love you I really do, would I have left everything behind to be with you if I didn't. Maybe I am a fool for falling for you, but I can live with that. As long as it's living with you."

"Harry." Draco cried he was literally in tears by this point. Harry pulled him into a hug, wrapping the sheet around him as well. Draco cried into Harry's shoulder. And that's how they stood for a very long time.