Brothers in Arms

Eclipse: A Simple Quest for a Good Conversation

I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to do it.

I sit cross-legged on my bed, limbs carefully arranged so I don't stab myself. I'm up a bit early, according to the small alarm clock I got when I became a temporary agent, and I want to use the time to talk with Agatha. If anyone could expand on Shadow's advice, it would be her, but I don't have a way to contact her before training.

I could wake Shadow and borrow his communicator, I suggest to myself, but the idea doesn't appeal to me. It would be awkward telling him I want to talk about his words with someone else, though I wouldn't necessarily have to say he's the reason for my sudden urge to chat with my first friend.

I could go and try to find her, I think, but I start to shake my head before the thought can even fully form. No, that's foolish. I have no idea if she's still sleeping or doing something. And, either way, she's probably in a place that I'm not allowed. I rest my chin in my hand, stumped.

Maybe I really will have to go through Shadow...

For a minute, I resist the option, holding out for a better one. But, I eventually give in, reminding myself that I only have half an hour to track Agatha down before training. I stand up with a sigh, casting my mind out to my half-brother's room.

I appear with a resounding crack, wincing at the loudness in the otherwise silent space. But, to my surprise, Shadow does not leap from his bed to confront the noise, Chaos Spear in hand. I take a curious step towards his lying form, stilling when I realize he's shaking in his sleep, eyes twitching with imagined enemies. I recoil slightly, unsure how to respond to the situation--while I've handled many nightmares formed by my own mind, Shadow's are sure to be quite different, and waking him may cause more problems than it solves.

I stand over him, frozen with indecision. I could abort my idea right now and simply return to my room to wait, thereby avoiding having to comfort Shadow over memories I'm unlikely to be particularly sympathetic for, but that option also prevents my seeing Agatha. Is talking with Shadow about the horrors of his past worth speaking with my closest friend?

He's undoubtedly dreaming about that Maria girl. Chaos forbid he should ever regret anything more than her death, I grouse. For a moment, I'm sour, but the emotion is abruptly cut off by a shocking clarity that runs down my spine and gives me chills.

...here I am, thinking that she shouldn't mean so much to him, but the whole reason I even came to wake Shadow up was so I could visit with a human. The realization makes me distraught, not so much because I'm ashamed to care for Agatha but because I never, not once, made any connection at all with Shadow's deceased human family and my own human friends.

I never revised my thinking on that. I've been resenting a girl I never met despite caring deeply for humans myself. I never thought about it before, but I've been holding a grudge all this time, not even aware that my disgust for Shadow's love of his humans over our kind was completely hypocritical. How has this been affecting our interactions? Have I been cold to him and not realized it?

I slump, tail curling close in shame. The thought that I've been unconsciously despising Shadow for a behaviour I've now come to emulate is remarkably distressing, and I dread hearing Agatha's thoughts on it. For, I have to tell her. I cannot possibly keep such a mistake to myself, not when it concerns something so important as my newfound appreciation for human beings.

I hope she won't think too badly of me... It's at least good that I noticed my error, right? I fidget, rubbing my arm's crests nervously. Well, anyhow, there's no way I can let myself return to bed without finding her now. Waking Shadow it is.